Wedding Reception Forum

Adding a random acquaintance

Not sure where to ask this, but I'll try here. FI is at his bachelor party weekend and there are some guys celebrating with him who were not invited to the wedding (this was not our doing, this was the GM). One of them recently became a roommate of the GM where FI is crashing this weekend. In all of the many guest list discussions FI and I had, this guy NEVER came up. I just met him once many months ago and I believe that was the first and only time FI met him, too. They sometimes interact on FB, but otherwise, he's more of an old friend of FI's GM than a friend of FI.

FI partied with this guy and his other friends last night and now is very firm (stubborn) about inviting this guy to the wedding, 3 weeks from today. He reasons that 1) we have space in the guest list since people have RSVP'ed "no", 2) he will come, and 3) he's a good time. The GM who is the guy's roommate asked FI "a while back" if the guy could come and FI said he wasn't sure, we'll see, etc. but FI never mentioned this to me. Last night the guy asked FI if he could come to the wedding. FI told me today he would have invited this guy (and other's in this social circle we never discussed) if we would have had space on the guest list, but again: this group was NEVER mentioned and there were MANY people much closer to us who we were not able to invite due to budget restraints and it is now too late to invite because they are "B-list".

We don't have minimums on our venue, our guest list is really close to exactly the # of people that we wanted to have, and there are many people who deserve to be at our wedding more than a guy we've just hung out with once and happens to be friends/roommates with a GM right now. Not to mention that this guy also has a serious gf, who would need to be invited, too. And that others in this social group would wonder why they weren't invited, even though some have known us much longer. In our discussions/arguments about the guest list, I've stressed that I want everyone there to be special to us (or we're morally obligated to invite them, e.g., some family members). We don't need warm bodies to sit in seats. I feel it's rude to our friends who did not make the guest list to let some random guy come to our wedding, eat our food, and drink our booze, just because he was rude enough to ask if he could come 3 weeks before the wedding. FI is hanging out with this guy all weekend and is being uncharacteristically hurtful to me today, and he thinks I'm being ridiculous and asks "what's the harm?" I've told him everything I've said here, to no avail. Help me - do I stand firm on this or let it go? I'm also afraid this will spread to other guys he's partying with this weekend who were also not invited...Again, the GM did that, and by the time we found out, we couldn't invite the uninvited to the wedding (budget) or uninvite them from the bachelor party (rude).

Re: Adding a random acquaintance

  • I understand the frustration and the nicities involved in who gets invited. But what it comes down to is its his day too. I am sure there will be some that will disagree with me on this, but I still feel that way, From what you have said, it doesn't seem your family is footing the whole bill. I am assuming your fiance is helping pay for thw wedding or maybe even paying a majority. And when it comes down to it, if someone does get hurt feeling over not getting invited over that guy, well explain to them it was someone who your fiance really really wanted there and you wish that you could have ha everyone but you couldn't. If they love you they will understand, Leave it to your fiance to explain it to his friends/family. We often want our wedding days to be this picture of perfect, and that may or may not happen. The important thing to remeber is that you are marrying the person you love.  
    ?We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.? ~ Buddha
  • Oh, it's definitely his day, too. We have been partners in this whole planning experience. Two-thirds of the guestlist are his friends and family, although after the RSVPs it's closer to even. Fi and I are planning and paying for the wedding ourselves, with little help from either family. I have no delusions about having a "perfect" day, but I thought we were on the same page about inviting only people that we care about the most. We made some tough cuts to get the guest list to fit our budget and held out breath for the RSVPs, because we ended up inviting more people than we should have. This guy was never part of the discussion. I feel like he just wants free food and booze.

    I'll ask FI to think about how he would feel if he were in the shoes of our friends that didn't make the invite list and found out that we invited an almost-total rando, but not them. If he still insists on inviting rando, then he can explain it to our left-out friends.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_adding-a-random-acquaintance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:da0c19a9-9932-4e8b-a53f-f38733d3573dPost:4d3f825b-b70c-43b8-983c-cb8e90cc7c8c">Re: Adding a random acquaintance</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand the frustration and the nicities involved in who gets invited. But what it comes down to is its his day too. I am sure there will be some that will disagree with me on this, but I still feel that way, From what you have said, it doesn't seem your family is footing the whole bill. I am assuming your fiance is helping pay for thw wedding or maybe even paying a majority. And when it comes down to it, if someone does get hurt feeling over not getting invited over that guy, well explain to them it was someone who your fiance really really wanted there and you wish that you could have ha everyone but you couldn't. If they love you they will understand, Leave it to your fiance to explain it to his friends/family. We often want our wedding days to be this picture of perfect, and that may or may not happen. The important thing to remeber is that you are marrying the person you love.  
    Posted by smartn2sexy08[/QUOTE]
  • I'm concerned that your FI is acting uncharacteristacilly hurful towards you regarding this issue. Obviously the guest list is a conversation topic that you two have focused on numerous times in order to get your list to something that you can agree on and still stay within your budget. So, I'm wondering if he's just feeling peer pressure from his buddies after partying with them all weekend? Which is ridiculous! If he is old enough to get married than he should be old enough to stick to the plan that he made with you... the person he will be marrying that day. Maybe he should sober up! 

    That GM should never have invited people to the bachelor party who werent invited to the wedding, that is rude and bad etiquette... not that he would know that. People can be so rude and unaware of others, it just baffles me! 

    I would stick to your guns and your original plan for the guest list. Keep calm and explain this to your FI. If he continues to argue about it, then tell him that if he invites this guy and his gf that it will not only open the flood gates to anyone else in that "group" but also be offensive to YOU and your friends that didn't get invited... maybe even threaten to invite them all and show him how much that would increase the bill. If he's paying for at least half the wedding then he should care how much this last minute choice would cost. And if you show him how hurt you are by his behavior and that you're confused why he is not sticking to the plan that you two agreed on... he should also care and straighten up. 

    Again, stick to your guns. This is an interesting preview of what marriage to him will be like so don't go unheard. I'm not saying you should fight or give the silent treatment or make threats, I'm saying you need to communicate until he hears you. Any level headed adult would understand this situation and that it comes down to budget. If you had room for everyone then it probably wouldn't be this much of an issue, regardless of this idiot guy being rude enough to invite himself to someone elses wedding... who does that? -RUDE PEOPLE!

    If your FI continues to make a huge deal and treat you badly then I don't know if I'd feel comfortable marrying him. 

    Anniversary
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