Closed Ceremony?

[Deleted User]

Both of my parents are deceased, and even though I still have a very large family - the thought of doing a big ceremony without my mom and dad feels devastating to me.  My fiance and I have discussed eloping (just going to the justice of the peace somewhere together) and hosting a large reception another day.  We have the reception booked and planned - and are expecting about 200 guests.  

However, as the day gets closer (9 months to go) I keep wondering if I'm going to regret NOT getting married in a church, the way my mother has always wanted.  So we have been discussing the idea of having just our immediate family and the bridal party at the ceremony - and everyone else will meet us a few hours later for the reception.  

Is that strange or rude to the other guests?  

Summer2011Bride

I think it's fine. If the ceremony is truly intimate--just immediate family and in your case a WP--then I don't think people should be hurt or offended. Where it becomes an issue is if you have a 50 person ceremony and 80 person reception or something. If you start inviting aunts, uncles, second cousins, co-workers, etc. to the "intimate" ceremony, then it becomes not truly intimate anymore. What you have planned sounds fine, though.

[Deleted User]

Oh, absolutely!  It would be the WP - and maybe 8 others, so a total of less than 25 people, and the reception is around 200 ppl.

sxcwed

I say that's a great idea.  It's when people have everyone come to the ceremony and NOT the reception because they don't want to spend money on them that is usually the issue.  I'm sure that considering the situation, everyone will understand and be just as happy to be involved in the overall celebration!  Just make sure you still show up in your wedding dress!

SB1512

I agree that what you have planned sounds fine, but if you get married in a church, since it's a public place, couldn't anyone walk in to view your ceremony?  Or would your church be willing to close off the doors so people can't walk in?

alithebride

meh i dont know. i mean i get wanting to have your immediate family and a small ceremony but it seems to me that it might isolate the people who are only invited to the ceremony. makes me think 'were not close enough to see you get married btu i can come to the party after and give you a gift'. i think in some instances it could be seen as strange.

jemmini6

If you have less than 10% of your total guest list there, then I think it's okay. 

ceceibson

OP, I'm sorry for your losses.  I have to think your family and friends would understand why you're doing things this way.  FI's son died very unexpectedly in February.  He was going to be his father's best man.  We briefly considered revamping everything for our wedding but ultimately decided to move forward with our original plan.  FI's brother will now stand up for him, but the loss of his son just kind of hangs over everything.

lb1212

I'm sorry for your loss of both parents!!  I think a smaller ceremony, like you have in mind, is perfectly fine.  I'm sure your bridal party and the rest of your family would love to celebrate with you!  And I'm sure that your FI's parents will be thrilled to be included!