Wedding Reception Forum

Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??

My father passed away when I was a teenager, my mom remarried a great man. I want my step dad, my uncle and my cousin (who has been like a father to me)to walk me down the aisle. Since there are three fathers does that mean I have to have three father daughter dances?

Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    For the sake of your guests, please don't. Just pick one, skip the dance, or have all 3 of them cut in on one song. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:b3db522c-b6d1-41b8-a652-12e572159b61">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]For the sake of your guests, please don't. Just pick one, skip the dance, or h<strong>ave all 3 of them cut in on one song. </strong>
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
    This is what I would do.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:80887086-44ae-43fe-a66a-177cdffbb562">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : This is what I would do.
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

    I think that's tacky
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:b5600365-e09a-4007-9f13-86c97c3074ae">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : I think that's tacky
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm not crazy about it myself, either, but I'd rather see that than sit through 3 dances plus however many others there are. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • DON'T do it. My SIL did this and it drove everyone nuts to watch her dance with 3 men to 3 long songs. Everyone started talking and kind of ignoring the dances. If you truly want a 'spotlight' dance, try to keep in the spotlight the entire time, without being tacky of course. 
    Even I just did one full-length song with my dad, and I wish I would have spliced the song or something to make it shorter. We were both laughing toward the end how awkward it was getting with a long song (4 minutes).
  • Good point on song length!  I'm planning on having our band cut our first dance song short because it's normally a 4 min. song.  I think that's too long to dance to personally.
  • OP, as I understand it, your question is that since the three of them are escorting you down the aisle, do you have to have three separate dances.  No, you don't, and you don't have to dance with any of them or with all of them.  The choice is up to you.

    If you do want to dance with all of them, then I don't think that dancing to one song with all three and having them cut in is tacky at all.  How is that tacky??  As PPs have said, this is far preferable to having three different dances with them.  Just keep the song short. 
  • OP, you can always have the DJ play "special" songs later in the evening that are meaningful to you and each of the "dads" but is not a spotlight dance. Just tap step-dad/uncle/cousin on the shoulder, tell him this song makes you think of him, and ask him to dance. Just as special, but without making your guests sit there and watch.

    As PP said, though, you don't HAVE to have a dance with all three.
    Anniversary
  • I recently saw this very touching video of this girl who had recently lost her father so she wasn't prepared to have a father/daughter dance so instead someone surprised her and played Butterfly Kisses and all the important men in her life danced with her at some point (maybe 3-4 men, most I assume were maybe uncles?) and I thought it was very touching.

    I think THREE people walking you down the aisle, however, is a bit much.  I lost my dad was well and I have my mom and stepdad walking me down.  I've had other father figures in my life along the way but more than 2 just looks bizarre walking down the aisle.  Where will the third guy be?


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:b5600365-e09a-4007-9f13-86c97c3074ae">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : I think that's tacky
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]



    Why is this tacky?

  • edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:44684d75-1e5d-4290-b9e8-ddaa77aab423">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]The link to the video I was referring to: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.godvine.com/Bride-s-Touching-Father-Daughter-Dance-Without-Her-Deceased-Father-2611.html">http://www.godvine.com/Bride-s-Touching-Father-Daughter-Dance-Without-Her-Deceased-Father-2611.html</a>
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    OK I watched this video and I thought it was awful!  Who wants to be a bride dancing with multiple men,  sobbing, while a roomful of people watch.  I felt uncomfortable watching, I can't imagine how people at a reception would feel.
    My dad died when I was 16, my brother walked me down the aisle, and we skipped a dance.  Isn't a reception supposed to be a party atmosphere?
    I'm sorry that your father is not here to be a part of your wedding, but dancing with multiple people as a tribute to who helped raise you seems odd and tacky to me. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:49d982c2-e62a-46dc-807d-41d17dc66f04">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, you can always have the DJ play "special" songs later in the evening that are meaningful to you and each of the "dads" but is not a spotlight dance. Just tap step-dad/uncle/cousin on the shoulder, tell him this song makes you think of him, and ask him to dance. Just as special, but without making your guests sit there and watch. As PP said, though, you don't HAVE to have a dance with all three.
    Posted by RWolff[/QUOTE]

    great idea, more personal; just between the two of you, the rest seems too much like a performance
  • I LOVE the idea of having each of these men cut in on the same song. That would add more of a sweet surprise for everyone.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:124133da-598e-4302-b071-ff8acfcc00bd">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : OK I watched this video and I thought it was awful!  Who wants to be a bride dancing with multiple men,  sobbing, while a roomful of people watch.  I felt uncomfortable watching, I can't imagine how people at a reception would feel. My dad died when I was 16, my brother walked me down the aisle, and we skipped a dance.  Isn't a reception supposed to be a party atmosphere? I'm sorry that your father is not here to be a part of your wedding, but dancing with multiple people as a tribute to who helped raise you seems odd and tacky to me. 
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]



    I am confused. You are ok with a bride dancing with her father in front of an entire crowd but you are not ok with a bride dancing a song with the three men that mean the world to her and are father figures in a way? I don't see how this would be considered any more of a performance then a bride dancing with her father.

    OP you need to do what feels most comfortable to you, whether that means 3 separate dances, one dance with your 3 favorites or nothing at all. I will say that you should limit the number of spot light dances to as few as possible. These do tend to get boring for your guests, so if you would like the dance with the 3 men to be a spot light dance then I would suggest dancing with all 3 of them to one song. You can always dance with each one separately again during the rest of your reception.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:4674bbf8-be5d-41ef-a295-81ff5e0b1f9c">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : I am confused. You are ok with a bride dancing with her father in front of an entire crowd but you are not ok with a bride dancing a song with the three men that mean the world to her and are father figures in a way? I don't see how this would be considered any more of a performance then a bride dancing with her father. OP you need to do what feels most comfortable to you, whether that means 3 separate dances, one dance with your 3 favorites or nothing at all. I will say that you should limit the number of spot light dances to as few as possible. These do tend to get boring for your guests, so if you would like the dance with the 3 men to be a spot light dance then I would suggest dancing with all 3 of them to one song. You can always dance with each one separately again during the rest of your reception.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
    The video was NOT a happy occasion it was a bride sobbing because her father is not there to dance with her.  A dance should always be a happy moment, and that video was a huge downer.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:946c85a1-efff-4785-b522-28d6492d0e1f">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : The video was NOT a happy occasion it was a bride sobbing because her father is not there to dance with her.  A dance should always be a happy moment, and that video was a huge downer.
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I disagree.  I don't have my dad with me but I would imagine many brides get weepy sharing a dance with their father.  It's a dance many girls dream of having one day.  I'm sure the girl in the video was overwhelmed with many types of emotions and they all came rushing to her in that moment.

    </div>


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:946c85a1-efff-4785-b522-28d6492d0e1f">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances?? : The video was NOT a happy occasion it was a bride sobbing because her father is not there to dance with her.  A dance should always be a happy moment, and that video was a huge downer.
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Just because that video was a "downer" doesn't mean that OP's experience of dancing with all three father figures during a song would be.  I don't see anything tacky about honoring three men who have played important roles in her life.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, my dance with my dad was very emotional for me.  It was actually the only time on my entire wedding day that I cried.  Several guests told me that they teared up watching me dance with my dad as well, not because it was a "downer", but because it was an emotional and touching moment.</div>
  • When you are dancing with your dad, those are happy tears.  I'm not saying it's uncomfortable to cry, I'm saying that video showed a bride sobbing while dancing with three different men because her dad was not there.  As a guest I would feel sad and uncomfortable.  Is that how you want your guests to feel?
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:a136fabe-7806-432f-895e-56ca1baf09ef">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]When you are dancing with your dad, those are happy tears.  I'm not saying it's uncomfortable to cry, I'm saying that video showed a bride sobbing while dancing with three different men because her dad was not there.  As a guest I would feel sad and uncomfortable.  Is that how you want your guests to feel?
    Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]


    OP =/= girl in video.



  • I lost my father two years ago. This video made me cry. I think it comes down to what makes you happy and what you are comfortable with. I am playing a song in rememberance of my dad and will be dancing with my brother. I am not sure whether we will say anything or not but that is a decision we will make. Everyone in the room will know what the song is for because it was well known to be my dad's favorite song
  • I would definitely either have all three men cut it on one song or have the band play special songs later for you to dance with them instead of making them spotlight dances.

    *** totally separate topic below ***

    I have to agree with Momma, however, about the video.  Butterfly Kisses makes me cringe enough but then to watch the bride cry like that is just too uncomfortable.  I know the girl in the video isn't the OP, but I did want to say that, as a guest, emotional stuff like this isn't appreciated by everyone.  It's a happy day.  I think the bride, groom, and immediate families are always emotional on wedding days, but that doesn't mean that all 200 guests have to witness the awkwardness of it.  Some things are and should be private.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_three-fathers-three-father-daughter-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:ed583c41-542b-473b-821b-adf036ee0e11Post:44684d75-1e5d-4290-b9e8-ddaa77aab423">Re: Three fathers, three father-daughter dances??</a>:
    [QUOTE]The link to the video I was referring to: <a href="http://www.godvine.com/Bride-s-Touching-Father-Daughter-Dance-Without-Her-Deceased-Father-2611.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.godvine.com/Bride-s-Touching-Father-Daughter-Dance-Without-Her-Deceased-Father-2611.html</a>
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    Sorry buy that was majorly uncomfortable to watch. TBH I wouldn't be happy if someone "surprised" me like that at my wedding because it would be throwing salt into an open wound and would probably ruin my night.
     
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  • have all 3 of them walk you down the aisle but then dance with only one. or none! or have them get 1 minute each.

    3 father daughter dances (which is weird because your uncle and cousin aren't your father) each for a full song would make me want to run screaming.

     

  • My vote for the dance if you want to dance with all three is find a longer song and just have each one cut in during the song. I say longer because used it's a wonderful world by louie armstrong & that song is just a little over 2 minutes which wouldn't be long enough for this type of situation.
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