Rules on Head Table

UAallison83

So I've been reading a few posts, and it seems like the rule is that you cannot seat your wedding party with their dates at the head table.  Is this written somewhere and I haven't gotten to it yet?  It seems kind of silly to me, as most of my wedding party minus two people are actually married, and the other two will be bringing dates.  Where do I find the etiquette for that?

Thanks!

megk8oz

Head tables are considered rude when you separate the BP from their dates. I mean, how fair is it that you're celebrating your union and making your "honored" guests not sit with their S/Os? Plus, it's not really fair to the S/Os to be seated away from their date, when all of your other guests get to sit with whoever they came with.
 
If you were going to have one and let the BP sit with their dates, I don't really see what's "rude" about it. But honestly, I think a Sweetheart Table is nicer for the couple to get a few minutes alone with your FI. Most of the reception, you 2 are going to be pulled in a million directions, so to get 5 seconds by yourselves seems like a really nice idea.

lyndausvi

You can sit their dates at the head table.  That is actually a prefered way if you are having a head table.

The problem some brides (including myself) is there was just too many people at one table.

I sat at a normal table with my neices and nephews (all in the WP 0- and not an option for most couples).  The rest of the WP sat with their dates with family or friends.

danieliza1127

There's no rule when it comes to stuff like that.  It's more like common sense and courtesy.  You shouldn't separate your wedding party from their dates if you can help it.  You also don't want a head table with a ton of people at it, since that then looks kind of ridiculous.  Use your best judgement and do what you want to do without alienating your guests and wedding party.

wcvsb3b5

This is the problem I am running into. FI is dead set on having a head table with our bp but he has 6 gm and I have 7 bm so to add s.o.'s to that would be a ridiculously large head table. I don't want to separate my bp from their s.o.'s but am having a difficult time pursuading FI to have a sweetheart table.

Some other people on here recommended a head table with parents, which I consider a great idea aside from the fact that my mom will be really upset if she has to sit with my dad and I'm not sure FI would want to sit with our parents instead of his friends.

Needless to say this is something we are still working on. LOL.

rkto

It depends on the size of your bridal party and whether or not they have dates that will be alone, have no other friends, etc.

Our bridal party is  8 people, 5 of them have no date.  2 of them have dates that are great friends with a million people at the wedding, 1 is family so can stay with the family and still be comfortable.

pakarufus

I am having the same problem.  FI wants a head table with wedding party only.  I don't want to seperate SO/husband-wives.  I was recently at a wedding where FI was BM and I knew very few people (other that the bride/groom) and I was extremely uncomfortable during the dinner.  I am still trying to find a compromise.

jma1983

Where I live, I've never been to a wedding that has the SO or Spouses sitting w/ the BP.  It's always been BP at head table and then the spouse or date left to fend for themselves.  So, at ours, I'm having the BP at the head table and then I have 5 tables closest to the head table that I will arrange the seating chart so it's 1 table for my mom's side of the family, 1 for my dad's side of the family, 1 for my FI's family, 1 for the RBs and their family as well as the ushers, and 1 for the SO/Spouses.  So, I'm hoping that it'll keep the dates/spouses from being so uncomfortable since they'll be at a table w/ people who have something in common.

MyNameIsNot

I'm hoping that it'll keep the dates/spouses from being so uncomfortable since they'll be at a table w/ people who have something in common.

What do they have in common?  That you snubbed them all by forcing them to sit away from their dates?

Da0419

We lucked out with our WP, they're either all single but know other people in the WP or they're married & their spouse is also in the WP.

UAallison83

OOh, I love the idea of the Captains Table.  Our venue only allows for rectangular tables, so that seems perfect.  Thanks for the suggestions!  It would seem weird to split them up.  Sounds like this won't be as hard as I imagined.

Thanks ladies!

kirieli923

I'm hoping that it'll keep the dates/spouses from being so uncomfortable since they'll be at a table w/ people who have something in common.

 What do they have in common?  That you snubbed them all by forcing them to sit away from their dates?

That's a little harsh - it isn't a snub; practicality is kind of an issue.  Even a small WP can make for a BIG head table.  I have never been to a wedding where dates sat with the WP, and I've never noticed any of these dates being upset about it.  And if they can be seated with other people they know and/or other WP dates, then they WILL be have something in common.  Even if it's "hey, it's a little weird to be at a wedding where we don't know anybody but at least we're in the same boat!"

Jaclyn619

ugh...I've been the S/O sitting with people I don't know too well, BUT I think I can spare 5 hours of my life without FI to make his brother and sister in law happy. I've also been the person in the wedding party were FI has sat at another table...I also didn't mind this, cause I saw him on the dance floor for the rest of the night. To answer the Question, NO! it is not written anywhere that head tables are supposed to be a certain way..there's no set way to do anything..just that there's a wedding that happens that day! Do what you and FI want and don't let this board persuade you to do something you don't want to do. Good Luck with the planning:-)

PrincssGS

I don't see the big deal of splitting up the WP and SOs and I have never been to a wedding where the SOs were seated at the head table.  I've been the SO and never would have expected to be sat at the head table.  Dinner only lasts an hour or so, it's not like they they are going to be seperated the entire time.  IMO, anyone that has an issue with not being seated with their SO for one hour needs to grow up.  If we had SOs at the head table there would be 22 of us....which would be ridiculous!

MyNameIsNot

The reason it is a big deal is b/c it is rude to separate people for their dates. 

Them being in your WP does not give you an excuse to be rude to them, and making poor s/os sit at a table with a bunch of strangers is more than a little annoying (though most would never say a word about it).  You have a choice.  There are tons of other options.  Why would you opt to be rude to the most important guests at your wedding?

aerinpegadrak

It's not just one hour, though.  The WP usually spends most of the day getting ready with the bride, then the ceremony, pictures, dinner, toasts, spotlight dances...  It's likely that your attendants won't see their SOs for the entire day.  I know that my sister's wedding was at a time when FI and I were in a LDR, so having to spend one of the few days we had together separated was really stressful.  I would have really appreciated being able to eat dinner and relax with him rather than making awkward conversation with the other bridesmaids, who I hardly knew.

I just cringe whenever a bride says that their attendants can just "suck it up" and deal with her demands.  Someone who is willing to put her nearest and dearest through uncomfortable situations, especially if she knows that it's going to make them uncomfortable, isn't a very good friend.

banana468

It's easy not to see the big deal of it when you're the bride.  You're also the one sitting next to the groom!

However, splitting your WP from their dates is discourteous.  And since these people are supposdely the closest ones to you, why be the rudest to them?

Find a way to seat them with their partners.  PPs already gave great suggestions.

FWIW, I was just in a wedding that had four BMs, four GM and two MsOH and two BM.  DH was co BM and I was a BM.  We weren't paired for the wedding but we sat at a king table and the B&G were behind us at a sweetheart table.  It was great being able to sit next to DH since it wasn't just an hour.

It was a LOOONG day!

hollieheidi

I prefer the head table with the parents instead of the wedding party.  My parents are divorced as well so we'll be seating my mom and her BF, his mom and her date, then my dad and my step-mom with us and our children.  

I think FI might go for it if you let him know that you would only have to sit with your parents through dinner, and if they're contributing would be nice to sort of honor them as well and I'm sure they would enjoy the time with you.  Then after dinner you won't be sitting at all anyway as you'll be pulled in 10 different directions and won't have a chance to sit down!

GL!