Something to do between wedding and reception?

plainolmccarty

Hi all,

My FI and I need your help: we have a three-hour window after the ceremony and before the reception when our wedding party will be getting pictures done and cruising around town in a trolley. Does anyone have fun, creative ideas for what guests can do during this time? We'd like to give them some options so they aren't bored! Thank you

~mRm~

IMO a 3 hour gap is way too long. Did you put any though into getting pictures done and cruising around town in a trolley before your ceremony???? 

Unless I was a very close relative (or friend) of yours, I'd skip your ceremony and just go to your reception. Your guests most likely will do the same or be starving and really annoyed by the time your reception rolls around. Even OOT guests who booked hotels may be put off by this, to sit in their hotel or the lounge for hours. It's like being invited to two separate events on the same day. Is it in your budget to offer an extended cocktail hour at your venue?? That's about the only thing I can think of to alleviate this.

banana468

You need to host something during that interim for them.  See if there can be a hotel suite or restaurant where you can serve them small sandwiches or see if a family member will open his house to your guests.

It's actually rather rude to leave a three hour window in between the ceremony and reception.

simply.me

Yes, I agree that a three hour gap is not ideal.  It's one thing if its dictated by the church/reception times not aligning (as is often the case with Catholic weddings), but it sounds like you are opting for this so you can have some "special time" with your bridal party.  I would say it is most thoughtful to eliminate it if possible.

When I was looking at a gap (due to Catholic mass) I thought to suggest touristy things my guest could do (its sort of a DW), but honestly people will be all dressed up for the ceremony and will have to change into something comfortable to most any activity, and then change back for your reception.  Not the end of a world, but a pain and I think it will leave a bad taste in the mouth of your guests.  So lounging and mingling is really the best option and it should be at your expense.

Bottom line:  No gap or you host them at an extended cocktail hour if you want to inconvenience them just for pictures.

SaraAndrew2010

I understand that you probably have a big gap between your ceremony and reception because you have an early afternoon ceremony and want an evening reception.  I'm stuck in a similar situation, but with a smaller gap (about 1:45 between ceremony and reception, and a 30 minute drive). 

There's probably no way to get rid of the gap entirely, but I would try to move the cocktail hour/reception an hour earlier so the gap isn't so huge.

I'll echo Banana that it would be nice to set up a hospitality room at the hotel or ask a relative to have a small open house where guests can have refreshments and kill time.  I'm not that far along in the planning, but I'm hoping one of FI's relatives who lives near our reception and the hotel for OOT guests will have people at their house.

mrsamyjones

while the girls above have touched on it, i'll say it again, a 3 hour gap is a ridiculous amount of time between your ceremony and reception. You will lose several guests. And those who stick around will most likely be royally ticked off that you made them wait 3 HOURS for you to arrive. They will eat and take off, meaning your reception will most likely be cut extremely short. You need to remedy this. Think of it this way, the time between your ceremony and reception is similar to the time you wait at the dmv. The longer it takes, the more frustrated you become. One wedding I attended the bride and groom took an hour and 20 minutes to take pictures and get back. Now while that is less than half of the time that you're suggesting nearly half of her guests ate and dashed because of the lag time in between (regardless of the cocktail hour drinks and snacks). You need to rethink this BIG TIME.  No amount of food, party entertainers, or cocktails will suffice to keep your guests entertained for 3 hours while you're ridding around with your BP.

Karen's MOH

It's not false. I have only been to two weddings that took place at the same venue as the reception and didn't have a gap. All of the rest have been mostly Catholic weddings with a minimum of 1.5 hours in between. It may be a regional thing (most of these were in NJ/NY) but churches usually won't allow a ceremony after 2, 3 at the latest, because they have 5 pm mass and often confession before that. And it is true that when you have that, many people will skip the church. But that is their perogative.  
I guess it comes down to whether it is unavoidable or a choice to have the gap.

gottahavashorti

A lot of my family is Catholic.  I have never seen a gap beyond the time to travel to the reception venue and a cocktail hour.  Being Catholic is not an excuse to have a gap unless there are absolutely no venues within 20-30  minutes of your church that will allow you to start your cocktail hour or reception immediately after the wedding. 

If it is important to you to both be married by the Catholic church and take your guests' comfort into account, you will.  Yes, family weddings tend to have early bird dinners and end a little on the earlier side.  Once you're inside, no one realizes that and it doesn't create any less of a celebratory atmosphere.

OP, with that long of a gap, I would skip the ceremony if I were traveling, either the ceremony or reception if it were local, or both.  Negotiate with your venues to see if you can close that gap at all.  You don't need 3 hours for pictures and cruising.

banana468

I'm from Fairfield County CT and I've attended weddings in NYC, CT and other states.  Of ALL of them, TWO had gaps and evening receptions (and we're talking dozens here).

Yes, some places are inflexible but not ALL places are inflexible.  You can't call it a 'fact' as if this is something that you need to deal with.  I had a 2 PM wedding w/ a reception that began at 4 (long winded priest and 20 minute drive meant no gap) and a 6 hour reception so it was definitely an evening party.

I'm not saying that dealing with the gap isn't common - but it's not something that is a definite.  And in dealing WITH the gap, you still need to be courteous to your guests and provide them with something DURING that gap.  They're still your guests while you're taking photos so it's not OK to leave them with nothing hosted.

simply.me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:3ce8c885-31de-48cd-90db-40f4f10c17d3">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]. I'm not saying that dealing with the gap isn't common - but it's not something that is a definite.  And in dealing WITH the gap, you still need to be courteous to your guests and provide them with something DURING that gap.  They're still your guests while you're taking photos so it's not OK to leave them with nothing hosted.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.  Well said banana.  I am having a 3p wedding and starting my reception at 4:30p, so it will still be an evening wedding.  I looked around at a lot of churches and venues to try to avoid the gap - so it CAN be done.

</div>

MyNameIsNot

I am Catholic and had a Catholic ceremony (at 2) without a gap.  I was raised in a huge Catholic family and have attended countless Catholic weddings, usually on Saturday afternoon.  I have never attended a single wedding with a gap.  My family would be shocked by something so rude.  It may take a little bit of effort, but a good host is happy to do that to avoid being rude to guests.

If you have a gap, you must host something during the break.  A hospitality suite at a hotel, a private room in a restaurant, or someone's house is fine.  But you can't expect your guests to come to your ceremony and then go find something to do until you are ready to host them at the reception. 

aerinpegadrak

In my case, we actually are hosting two events on the same day: a late-ish "rehearsal" lunch and a sunset wedding, with about a five hour gap in between.  Of course, the lunch is casual, and the wedding's on the Vegas Strip, where free or cheap entertainment is plentiful and within walking distance.

So unless you want a casual dress code for the ceremony so your guests are using that time to go home and change, I'd strongly consider closing that gap.  We're using the time between lunch and the ceremony to take pictures on the Strip so we can go immediately from the ceremony to the reception.

As a local guest faced with a three hour gap, I'd just attend the reception, because I wouldn't want to give up my entire day just to sit around for several hours.  If I had to travel for it, I'd think twice about attending at all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Just take your trolley pictures before the ceremony. If you want to do a FEW pictures after the ceremony that's fine - but realize that most people send their guests to cocktail hour at the reception site while they do pictures. I will reiterate cocktail HOUR. There's no need for post-ceremony pics to take longer than that.

iamjoesgurl

DH and I still talk about how selfish it was for friends of ours to make us wait 2 hours between the ceremony and reception.  And part of that time was the cocktail hour.  For them, it was not a matter of their site not being ready, but it was that their wedding pictures were being taken and we all had to wait for that to be done.

3 hours is way too long and I think you will probably lose a lot of guests (or at least tick them off).  If there is anything you can do to significantly shorten that time, I would recommend it.  Someone else here made a good point that you could try to come up with ideas around the city to do, but if your guests are dressed up, they probably aren't going to want to be tourists for those 3 hours.

bdrullinger

With the exception of the MyKnot areas and the budget, guest list, check list area, I have found this website to be completely useless when looking for help.  I realize that I will sound like an silly country bumpkin, but in the midwest, things are done a lot differently.  Most weddings here have a gap, Catholic or not, because most of brides choose to stay traditional and not see the groom until the ceremony.  

My wedding is going to have a 2 hour gap. We'll take the pictures that we can beforehand and then shoot the ones that involve both of us after the ceremony, and then have a quick outdoor shoot.  Most of my guests have expressed how sweet it is that we are being traditional and are excited for the big day.

To me, a two hour gap is well worth seeing my husband's face for the first time at the end of the aisle.  

I realize that the east coast is "the center of the world" and everything, but it is not the end all, be all of wedding.  

There need to be three different sites: east coast, west coast, and mid-west, because all this jazz is just not doing it for me. 

Oh, and my wedding dress cost $738.00.  Gasp!  How could I be so cheap!

felicia220

Okay Obviously most of you have not been a part of wedding pictures before.  Taking pictures for a wedding is not like being out with your girlfriends and getting some stranger to snap a digital photo. The photos are extremely time consuming.  And I am sure that this bride is just accounting for the time it take to travel, take pictures and maybe even get to breathe for a moment.  I am on the other end of this, I don't have time to take pictures before hand and will be entering my reception late, but that is what I have to do to make my family and my FI family happy, being that they will get the pictures they want.  If the guests are really upset about the 3 hour window (this should be noted on your invitation), then they can choose not to come to the ceremony.  What works for some brides' timelines doesn't always work for others. But in the end you have to do what is right for you (and usually your families) 

May I remind most of you that this was a bride looking for ideas on how to entertain her guests during that gap (she isn't just saying screw them they can wait), not an opportunity for most of you to bash her decision. 

MyNameIsNot

These boards are incredibly helpful.  They let you know what your guests are going be thinking or saying behind your back.  It gives you a good chance to correct a blunder before you embarrass yourself. 

If you care enough about people to invite them to your wedding, you should care enough about them to make them comfortable.  Leaving a gap does not make them comfortable, and will make them think less of you.  Putting your guests out to attend your wedding is not ok.

If it's rude, it's rude in New York, LA, and Minnesota.  My Catholic family that are horrified by gaps are in Kentucky.  Hardly the center of the universe.  But even they know when someone just invited them for the gift and could give a hoot if they are taken care of. 

Cocktail hours were invented for a reason.  Your guests get to socialize while you are off doing pictures.  I didn't see my DH before the ceremony, and I managed to do tons of pictures while guests were at the cocktail hour.  It isn't that hard to take care of your guests.  It's shameful how many brides just don't care.

felicia220

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:a966140c-8fb1-4146-b097-35673db7fa6c">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO a 3 hour gap is way too long. Did you put any though into  getting pictures done and cruising around town in a trolle y  before  your ceremony???? 
Posted by ~mRm~[/QUOTE]

<div>Just thought that I would point out that if she is having a Catholic ceremony, her and her FI are not ALLOWED to see each other before the ceremony.</div><div>
</div><div>This message board is suppose to be about helping each other out, if you can't help then move on. But stop bashing each other!</div>

KappaK

3 hours is rude and selfish.  A good photographer can get the pictures you want in an hour.  This statement is coming from some who has been in weddings and lives on the East coast so you can just pipe those comments.  Bridal party pictures, you with your ladies, and your FI with his GM can be taken before the wedding to save on time if you are seriously concerned.  Your guests are there to see you and celebrate with you.  Making them sit around for 3 hours so you can ride a freakin trolley is inconsiderate.  You need to organize something for your guests.  Although even with something organized to entertain me, I would still be peeved as a guest.

iamjoesgurl

Those of you who are talking about Catholic weddings are missing the point.  This bride is purposely going to have a three hour gap between ceremony and reception and I'm sorry but I'm going to be honest and say that it seems kind of rude to guests.  I am from the East coast, there was one hour between the end of the ceremony and the time we were announced into our reception.  During that hour, our guests got to enjoy appetizers and drinks while mingling.  We did our pictures in that hour.  AND DH and I did not see each other before the wedding!  So it can be done and I am speaking from experience from my own wedding.  She can do whatever she wants - after all it is her wedding.  But if she does it thinking that providing activities for that time will make up for how the gap comes across to guests, she should know that many of her guests could be put off.

banana468

I don't know if it's just a Wisconsin thing but it's not something I've ever seen anyone do.     That's essentially leaving the party...and that's not OK since something is hosted at almost every wedding I've attended...we call it the reception!

To PP who said this:

In Response to Re: Something to do between wedding and reception? : Just thought that I would point out that if she is having a Catholic ceremony, her and her FI are not ALLOWED to see each other before the ceremony. This message board is suppose to be about helping each other out, if you can't help then move on. But stop bashing each other!
Posted by felicia220

That's flat out not true.  Even if they weren't able to see each other before the ceremony, taking three hours for photos borders on the absurd. 

leigh1025

I am having my ceremony and reception at the same location. I am having a 1.5 hour gap. I have 10 people total in my wedding party. (so it might take a while to get picture I want). I also agree that cocktail HOUR is just that, an HOUR!!! I haven't seen a lot of my family, let alone any of his family, in a long time. I believe that since it is a wedding and you normally don't see family from other stated, they will stay for your special day and for free food!!! Once you arrive and the food and music start, people will forget about the wait and just enjoy themselves. Also, once you show your family the gorgeous pictures a month later, it will all be worth it.

banana468

Leigh, are you saying that your guests are going to be at cocktail hour or that you're offering nothing during that 1.5 hour period?

The cocktail hour is perfect and part of the reception.  If you're taking photos and leaving your guests with nothing to do,....then that sucks.

flutgrl1

If i was going to your wedding I would only go to one event. If I had to find something to do for 3 hours, I would probably just head home. My weekend time is valuable. Or I would slept in and just go to the reception. So yup I am entertained! Just because it is "your day" doesn't mean that you can inconvenience people to your whim.

to the PP....I've done the bar hopping....and that evening reception was a drag. Our entire table was drunk and just wanted to go home and pass out. Longest night ever. Never again.

ElNelson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:853300db-7e1b-4115-ab2f-67d64730e67b">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]  I realize that I will sound like an silly country bumpkin, but in the mid-west, things are done a lot differently.  Most weddings here have a gap, Catholic or not, because most of brides choose to stay traditional and not see the groom until the ceremony.   My wedding is going to have a 2 hour gap. We'll take the pictures that we can beforehand and then shoot the ones that involve both of us after the ceremony, and then have a quick outdoor shoot.  Posted by bdrullinger[/QUOTE]

<strong>Things aren't done that differently in the mid-west; manners are still important here too,</strong> and a three hour gap is disrespectful to your guests and rude.

I did wedding catering for two years when I was in college; two hours is pushing it and a majority of weddings had a gap - the hour to hour and a half MAX for the cocktail hour.  I have witnessed way too many unhappy guests when the bridal party is gone that long. People may say that it's okay now, but when they are waiting for dinner and the hor d'ouvre trays are gone, it is too long. On top of that for brides who don't plan and show up an hour late after the cocktail hour without pre-planning with caterers, deserve the dry crappy looking food that was prepared over an hour prior to their indiscretions.  

It's extremely important to my FH (oddly enough not me) that the first time he sees me is when I'm walking down the aisle. We will have an hour of pictures after our ceremony. I intend on hiring a good photographer who can handle that limitation. If I need more pictures after that we will take them at another time after the wedding.

bdrullinger, I don't understand your animosity towards the coasts, and found your comments to be terse. I am okay with the fact that all the "jazz" as you put it isn't who I am, you sound bitter... I am a mid-west girl through and through living modestly like you are - I bought my dress for about that much too, that doesn't mean I've given up any sense of the mid-west niceties I was taught. Were the additional comments necessary or could you have kept your comments on the topic at hand?

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:344fd2f1-5887-49ba-9456-c806a8224662">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay Obviously most of you have not been a part of wedding pictures before.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

<em>"And then the left half of the brain looks and the right half and says 'It's dark in here ... and we may die'."</em>

banana468

Good catch meg.

Yeah - I have yet to find a photographer who 'needs' three hours for the photos.

If he does, you hired a rather bad one.

felicia220

Banana468, If you are going to say something isn't true you might not want to follow up with "Even if" that is true.  My statement had nothing to do with the three hour gap, it had to do with the fact that if she is having a catholic wedding then pictures before the ceremony would not be possible.  

Oh and I totally love the bride and groom bar hopping thing...I wish I had time in between for that, it sounds like a great way to spend some extra time with your (younger) guests.  

flutgrl1

if we had bar crawled btw ceremony and reception. it would have been ugly. we bar hopped after the reception. I dont really remember getting to our hotel room.

We had 20 mins of photos in chapel (only b/g and wedding party) and then did maybe a 10 minutes of fam photos outside. I was exhausted from that. I could not imagine doing an hour.

aerinpegadrak

We're estimating that our formal family shots post-ceremony will take about 30 minutes, tops.  I know the reception doesn't officially start until we enter, but the bar and buffet will be open, and I'm okay with the party starting without us.  It means that everyone will be in a good mood when we enter, rather than tersely hoping that introductions get wrapped up quickly so they can finally eat.

I was in a wedding this summer where the reception hall had a lovely lawn overlooking the river; about an hour-ish into the reception, the couple and WP slipped away for about 20-30 minutes to take some fun shots.  It worked out great and the shots turned out gorgeous because everyone was so relaxed, knowing that we didn't have people waiting on us to finish up.  If your pictures are going to take a really long time, you probably don't have a very good photographer.

megk8oz

Ditto Aerin. DH and I didn't see each other before the ceremony (Our choice), and we did pose for formal pics with the families, the BP and just ourselves. However, our photog was incredibly efficient, we didn't do any of those artsy "roaming through the park all day to get every type of sunlight" photos, and if I didn't bustle my dress before the reception, I would have gotten to be at the entire last 1/2 of our cocktail hour (I still managed to get about 20 minutes in). Which took place immediately after the ceremony.

I understand the gap between a Catholic ceremony and the reception, I really do, I know that the church has weird times and most reception venues won't let you start until a certain time, I looked into all of this for my own wedding, because I am Catholic. In the end, I personally (DH is a Buddhist, so he left this decision entirely up to me, he said he would have done whatever I wanted for this) decided getting married in the church was not important enough to me. The single most important thing about my ceremony, when I sat down and prioritized, was that I would be legally married at the end of the day.

I chose not to have a church wedding because I loved the idea of having everything in one spot, which would make it easier to keep people in one place, and let DH's family start drinking ASAP (Which is what they need to have a good time anywhere). I gaurantee if we had a gap where there was an option for the guests to get a bar crawl in, his entire side never would have made it to the reception.

Not everybody can make the decision I made, I don't judge people for having the religious ceremonies or opting for the Catholic mass ceremony, and I don't judge for gaps that are creating strictly by the Catholic ceremony times. If you choose a church wedding, that's just a hit you have to take.

However.

OP has made it clear that part of this gap (If not all, since she never specified if this gap was created due to ceremony times conflicting with the start of the reception or not) is due to her pretty much going on a spree with her BP for pics. If As a guest, if I knew the bride was doing this, I'd most likely be only attending one event that day, because I'd be pretty ticked off that the bride was off taking hours of pictures and trolley touring while I was stuck with nothing to do in a strange town while in my dress clothes.