Venue doubled in price!!!

mysi019

I have no idea what to do, we are getting married in an area that doesnt have a lot to choose from especially for larger weddings. We pretty much got 4 places to choose from in a 3 town radius and yes before any one asks. A large wedding is important for us for many reasons. My FI pretty much vetoed 2 fo the places right off the bat. It then came down to the two other places. One that was all inclusive that I originally had my heart sent on. The other one was not and was the one he wanted. We went back and forth for awhile and then aggreed on the space he wanted. His mom told us she would contact them and get it all set. She told me the way their venue runs is they dont sign contracts till the Jan 1st of the year you want to book them becuause its a National Guard hall and they dont know when their unit will need the building. But that they pretty much know it wont be our weekend so they will pencil us in. That was 7 months ago. So this past week the man in charge approached my SMIL and stated that their prices went up-like doubled!! and since we didnt sign a contract or put money down we have to pay the new fee. I was like not in my budget!!!! SMIL was like well what did you expect we didnt actually book with them. I was like yeah your right we didnt beause you told me we couldnt-well the way she is making it seem now is that we could have but choose not to. I am so confused. I tried talking to my FI about it and his mom is going to put the money down this week. He just keeps saying it will all work out. Now i am thinking that we should look and look quick at the two places he vetoed right away. Becuase he vetoed them for the same reasons i basically vetoed the place we ended up choosing. I mean for all the work we were going to do to this hall ( like totally decorate the whole place so it doesnt look so much like a gym) we could do to one of the other places for a whole lot cheaper and its only 5 mins away from this original one. I cant believe everyone (his mom and him) doesnt think there is a problem here.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venue-doubled-in-price?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fe5066e5-a59c-44a3-bb1e-9576d0f8a869Post:435745f5-5af3-4150-bc5e-5bf0ca501b2c">Venue doubled in price!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no idea what to do, we are getting married in an area that doesnt have a lot to choose from especially for larger weddings. We pretty much got 4 places to choose from in a 3 town radius and yes before any one asks. A large wedding is important for us for many reasons. My FI pretty much vetoed 2 fo the places right off the bat. It then came down to the two other places. One that was all inclusive that I originally had my heart sent on. The other one was not and was the one he wanted. We went back and forth for awhile and then aggreed on the space he wanted. His mom told us she would contact them and get it all set. She told me the way their venue runs is they dont sign contracts till the Jan 1st of the year you want to book them becuause its a National Guard hall and they dont know when their unit will need the building. But that they pretty much know it wont be our weekend so they will pencil us in. That was 7 months ago. So this past week the man in charge approached my SMIL and stated that their prices went up-like doubled!! and since we didnt sign a contract or put money down we have to pay the new fee. I was like not in my budget!!!! SMIL was like well what did you expect we didnt actually book with them. I was like yeah your right we didnt beause you told me we couldnt-well the way she is making it seem now is that we could have but choose not to. I am so confused. I tried talking to my FI about it and his mom is going to put the money down this week. He just keeps saying it will all work out. Now i am thinking that we should look and look quick at the two places he vetoed right away. Becuase he vetoed them for the same reasons i basically vetoed the place we ended up choosing. I mean for all the work we were going to do to this hall ( like totally decorate the whole place so it doesnt look so much like a gym) we could do to one of the other places for a whole lot cheaper and its only 5 mins away from this original one. I cant believe everyone (his mom and him) doesnt think there is a problem here.
Posted by mysi019[/QUOTE]


First of all, paragraphs are your friend.  When you are writing something this long, use paragraphs. It makes it easier to read.

Second, do your own research and make your own inquiries going forward.  That way you will know the truth about contracts and deadlines.

Third.  I agree with Stage.  This whole veto thing sounds unhealthy to your relationship going forward.

Fourth.  Go visit all four venues again.  Make a pro/con list, and start from scratch.

Sue-n-Kevin

As for advice on the problem at hand, I recommend you get rid of the apparent veto system in your relationship, call all the venues and get detailed quotes, then sit down with your budget and the quotes and make a decision together about what you can afford.

I agree with above, as well as doing your own research. It's easy to think of your mom, or your fiance's mom as the "experts" because they are older, but if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to learn about budgeting, contracts and making up your own mind.

Also, CMGr's question is important: who is paying for this? This is not mentioned in your post. If you and your fiance are paying for it, then you both need to sit down and go over your budget. If either set, or both sets of parents, have a financial part in the equation, they do get a say in it. "Money talks" when it comes to planning a wedding, and allows the payer to have some say in it. However, it still is the wedding day for you and your fiance.

You have 2 issues here: Budget and vision of your wedding. If you have to do it alone before your fiance "vetoes" your ideas, go to each venue and get written quotes. You mentioned only one venue is all inclusive. For the all inclusive venues it's easier to get quotes per person. For any that are not, you would have to look into the cost of the following:

- Caterer
- Alcohol
- Rentals (table covers, napkins, plates, glasses, silverwear; tables & chairs if not provided)

You may also have the expenses of a florist, DJ, transportation, wedding clothing. All these things need to be added up to get the total cost of your wedding and the budget you have to work with. The food, alcohol and reception venue are generally 60-80% of your total costs. It is expensive to host a party for a lot of people.  

If you don't have enough money to pay for what you want right now, save your money and choose a wedding date later in the future to allow everyone paying to agree amongst themselves on the costs & most reasonable venue.

Good luck.

kmmssg

Agree with the veto thing in your relationship.  You don't veto each other out, you compromise with your eyes on the big picture.

Are you looking at the 44th St Armory?  If so, I have been there many many times.

What you need to do for decorations is to draw the eye to your tables, cake, and dance floor.  Use white linens with vivid pops of color in  your centerpieces.  If you try to start camouflaging (pun intended) the drill floor so it won't look like a gym, that is what everyone will notice.  Draw the eye to your tables with a dramatic pop of color and you will be fine.

MairePoppy

Why does your fi have veto power? You are equal partners in this, right? Tell your fi that you will be giving the other two places a second look and that you would like him to go with you and give your opinion equal (to his) consideration. If he still thinks he has veto power, don't marry him until you have attended relationship counseling together.

As for mom, if she is footing the bill, she gets to decide on the location of the reception. If that's not the case, no need to include her in the negotiations.

mysi019

Our parents are each contributing x amount of dollars, whatever is left over we are paying for ourselves. . His mom is a wedding planner, has been one for years that is why I trust her. It ended up being a miscommunication and your right from now on we will look into everything ourselves and not depend on her to.

As for the veto system, we both did that to certain things.I am not really worried about it wrecking our relationship as we have been together happily for over 5 years. And he wasnt vetoing my idea, he was vetoing the idea in general-if that makes since. We actually get compliments from ppl on how good we comprismise. Belive me if something was important to the other one, it wouldnt be "no end of discussion." 
 
It seems  in the last few years that all of our friends have been getting married so we have been in and been too lots of weddings. When we got engaged we made a list of the places to hold the reception and right off the bat he didnt want it at these two places. I had never been to wedding there, upon discussing it more. I totally agree.I am not having it somewhere where we are both or one of us isnt happy. I dont care how much it saves us.  That left us two other places, my fav and his fav, so we did make a pro and con list. Unforuntely we cant go back to the place I originally wanted becuase we have our caterer, cake etc booked (with money down) and the refunds  we cant get back. And its all inclusive they supply everything,  We would end up loosing alot more money than paying the double for the armory.

I am happy with the armory with the exception of  the lack of communication between them, his mom and us. And at this point in our planning stage, its becoming hard to cut back on things, as we have everything booked with down payments (inclduing dress, decorations etc) That was our point with a 18 month engagement was to be able to get everything we wanted (within reason) A) there isnt alot to choose from in our area, things book up fast and b) I wasnt going to go into debt (neither were our parents) to have the wedding that we wanted.  It was just a shock to the system. Oh well you live and learn. Just venting and wondering if anyone else had this similar problem.

Thanks for your suggestions, and I apolgize I am not always the best blogger. I think one thing in my head and it doesnt always come out that way when i put it on paper

Knottie1450123632

thanks for clearing up things.  i personally would plan stuff from now on instead of using your fmil. i mean emails and phone calls that way you and FI be on top of stuff and communication wont go thru a 3rd person. 

shine882007

...like... I feel ....like... I'm watching Mean Girls. 

kmmssg

I just retired from the Michigan Army National Guard after 26 years on the fulltime active duty side of the force.  Back in my super early days I handled a few rentals for a different armory in a different city.  Rentals are a minor blip on the radar.  Job demands, long hours, and 6 days off a month are a lot to balance.  

Is the rental manager not answering phone calls or emails?  

mysi019

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venue-doubled-in-price?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fe5066e5-a59c-44a3-bb1e-9576d0f8a869Post:7c044670-f98f-4d82-8f03-5a0bbfcd562b">Re: Venue doubled in price!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just retired from the Michigan Army National Guard after 26 years on the fulltime active duty side of the force.  Back in my super early days I handled a few rentals for a different armory in a different city.  Rentals are a minor blip on the radar.  Job demands, long hours, and 6 days off a month are a lot to balance.   Is the rental manager not answering phone calls or emails?  
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

No its not that, its just my SFIL is retired national guard, so his parents offered to take care of booking this part of it. (It used to be that you got some type of discount if you were active or retired) When his mom spoke to the guy in charge they agreed to just write us on the calender and not have us pay a deposit since atleast at this one where i live they dont like taking money until the 1st of janurary of the year you want to book it. Becuase of everything they have going on with their two weeks in the summer and with duty weekend every month.  Is how his mother explained it to us.

Fast forward 7 months, and his mom was in there walking last week and the same man approached her and told her since we didnt do a deposit or sign an actual contract, we have to pay the new rental fee which is double what were origianlly quoted.
 
The problem is when his mom told me all this, she is now making it seem like we could have saved ourselves this extra money had we put the deposit down 7 months ago, which i was more than willing to do howver she told me they wouldnt accept it.

Its nothing against the armory itself, just lack of communication on or something on the rest of us. Oh well, we are going to talk with the man ourselves this week cuz there are other things i want him to clarify for us

alithebride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venue-doubled-in-price?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fe5066e5-a59c-44a3-bb1e-9576d0f8a869Post:3767dbd7-c94c-462a-86e6-24693a20e38e">Re:Venue doubled in price!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You keep using this word "like". I think it does not mean what you think it means.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

LOL stop that rhyming now I mean it!!!

alithebride

i suggest that you and FI both sit down and determine what kind of budget you can handle and which places fit into that no matter if he vetoed them or not. unless he (you) have an unlimited budget then i dont think he (you) can afford to be that picky.

also-i wouldn't let FMIL in on your plans too much. it's nice of her to want to help but you see where it's gotten you.