confused...possible vent...

doersam2010

My MOH seems to be under the impression that I (being the bride) am supposed to pay for her room.  She said she has been reading things that say that.  And my other bridesmaid decided to chime in and say that it's proper etiquette for the bride to do this for her bridesmaids.  I kind of feel like I'm being attacked here seeing how I asked them in May if they wanted to be in the wedding and go to a tropical destination.  I made it clear that they would have to pay for everything.  I even decided to be nice and pay for their hair and makeup on the day of the wedding (which is running me about $400 for both of them).  Am I supposed to be paying for their rooms?  I was alwasy told it's whatever I wanted to do.  Please help...TIA and sorry it's so long!

slevesquemut

I think that's a very outdated standard.  A coworker told me it used to be proper for the couple to pay for everyone to fly to the site and stay for a night.  Obviously now that doesn't happen, and it would be ridiculous for them to expect that of you.  If you made it clear at the beginning that they would have to pay for their trips, then you should not feel obligated to pay for their stay.  Always remember, DWs are kind of in a league of their own, and are very flexible to what you want and can afford.

LadyBird9

Um... no? I am not paying for my bridesmaids to come to the wedding. I think sometimes brides do - if they have the means - but it's not proper "etiquette" or anything like that. Here - Brides.com says: [i]"The good news: You're not obligated to foot the bill for any of their travel expenses. That includes plane tickets, car rentals, accommodations and any meals and activities that aren't included in the wedding festivities. But you should hook up your girls—and the other guests, for that matter—with a reasonably priced place to stay. Do some research, ask about group discounts, even look into renting a villa or two for the bridal party. Of course, if you have the funds to offset some of your bridesmaids' other expenses, there's no reason not to, and they'll love you even more for your thoughtfulness."[/i] HTH!

ginaherman6

I don't believe it's proper etiquette to pay for their trip... it's a nice gesture, but not required. We are paying for our bridal parties accommodations, but they are taking care of airfare. That is our gift to them as well as our parents. It is completely optional!

mrsodwyer

I agree with pps. It is not your obligation, ESPECIALLY because you were up front with them from the beginning. As long as you understand they may decline... I didn't pay for any of our BP or family to come. They all made it happen but I made it clear from the beginning that if they couldn't, I wasn't going to be disappointed.

brian&shelli

I agree with PP's as well.  Sarah posted a great  answer to your question.  Good luck! 

alisonpilgrim610

I agree as well. it's DEFINITELY NOT an obligation. We are not paying for any of our bridal party's travel expenses. BUT we are doing some extra things like what Ladybird posted from Brides.com. We are having a welcome party and providing food & drinks & welcome packages w/goodies for all of our guests. I got a group discount on airfare and also rented timeshares for guests to split, which has kept costs down. We also payed for my girls BM dresses as part of their gift.Don't let them bully you! This is YOUR wedding and if you don't have the means to pay for their rooms, then DON'T! Your girls are supposed to help you, not put added stress on you!! Hopefully they'll understand.Good Luck!

beachybride10

I agree with everyone, no! I cannot believe that would be so bold about it like that! We are not paying for any accomodations for people. I think you are being very generous with hair/makeup, etc. We are paying for dresses for them ($50) then spending another 50-60 on gifts. So about $100 per bridesmaid. 

Bigwuhead

We are picking up the tab for our bridal party's accomodations, but partly because they are all staying in the same house with us, which is where the reception is being held and I would feel weird asking people to chip in for our reception site.  So we are paying for the 6 other couples in our house and we also rented another house for the week where the rest of our friends will stay that we will probably pay for, but it's only $600 for the week. And as with PP, we are doing ALOT of acitivities to cut down the cost of their trip...welcome dinner, brunches, welcome bags etc.  I'm also providing a hair/makeup person for them (a friends brother is coming to do all the hair/makeup and be our MC).

doersam2010

Thanks girls!  This is very helpful!  I do plan on doing the OOT bags and getting them fabulous gifts.  I just wanted to be sure there wasn't something I was missing with paying for rooms.  I appreciate the help!