who pays for what?

fheck

Sorry this is so long: I live in Phx AZ and we are getting married in Laughlin NV on 10/10.  People are either coming from AZ or CA, both about 3.5 hour drive.  We have gotten discounted room rates for everyone.  We are getting married on the river boat, we pay a certain amount up to 25 people, and the price basically doubles for 26-115, then the boat is considered "chartered".  I got an email from someone asking besides the hotel room, what else are they paying for, like is there a cost to get on the boat.  I replied back no, that is part of the cost we are paying.  I told them we are paying for the wedding on the boat with a cake/champagne reception immediately following.  After the boat tour is over (90 minutes) we are going to the buffet at the casino and anyone who wants to join us is welcome (implying they pay for that themselves).  She emailed me the next day saying they won't be coming but wish us the best.  I heard thru the grapevine that they feel we should be paying for "everything" since it's our wedding and we are "inviting" people to go.  A little background...my fiance and I are commission only business owners and have taken a hit in this economy, we litterally have no idea how much our monthly checks will be until we get them!  This is both of our second marriage.  My first wedding was big, my fiance went to the courthouse.  We thought this would be something sort of in the middle.  So money is a factor for us, we are trying to have a 'nice' wedding yet still make it affordable for everyone else.  Hotel rooms and buffets at hotels are less than in cities so we thought this would be a good idea.  Sorry this is so long, so my question is: are we supposed to be paying for everyone's hotel, food, gas, spending money, just because they are coming to the wedding and since it's a "destination" wedding, its Fri-Sun.  Would appreciate any thoughts!  Thanks!

LadyBird9

We actually were talking about this earlier - there is a bride who's bridesmaids were telling her she needed to pay for them... which just isn't true. I am sorry that your friend is acting like that... that makes things hard. Here is what TK says - perfectly - [i]If you are able to pay any portion of your guests' way, it is a nice gesture and they will certainly appreciate it. Couples usually go this route when there aren't many affordable lodging options near their site. In general, though, it is not required that you cover any of your guests' expenses. But aim for harmony regardless and choose a location that offers accomodation options in all price points. You know your guests best, so keep in mind what you think they'll be willing and able to spend when you select your location.[/i] Once again... so sorry your friends are acting like that. I don't have any idea why anyone would think that the bride and groom would pay for an entire vacation for all of their guests - especially in this economy! Hang in there and keep venting to us! :-)

FutureMrs.McC

Welcome to board.  I have been to Laughlin and really enjoyed it!Ok, I have a few thoughts but are just my opinion of course.  I think what you are planning is fine.  River Boat tour with cake and champagne reception is totally fine.  You are absolutely NOT required to pay for anything for your guests other than your reception.  I do think it's a little weird to have cake and champagne and then go eat dinner.  What time is the ceremony and boat tour?  I also question the Fri-Sunday thing.  Are guests required to stay that whole time (does the hotel have a three night minimum)?  If not, than your guests could certainly only come in for the wedding and stay one night since your destination is fairly close.  

CNN in 2010

This is a little tough because technically the guests aren't supposed to pay to eat at the reception but your reception is the champagne and cake.  What if you did appetizers on the boat then that would technically be the meal and then if you, your fiance, and close friends and familys want to go eat at a buffet you can do so and just notify guests by word of mouth.

fheck

more details, we are arriving in Laughlin on Friday, the wedding is early Saturday, 10:30 am.  The ceremony starts immediately and the cake/champagne immediately after that.  so there will probably be 2 hours from the cake/champagne to when we eat lunch at the buffet in the casino.  I did tell people that they had plenty of time to leave Saturday since the tour is over at noon.  We are staying until sunday and then driving home.  the reason for that is because we want to spend some time with people we don't get to see very often. 

fheck

more details:  we considered getting appetizers, they do offer them to be catered for the boat.  here is an example of cost:assorted veggies with dip (300 pieces)  $155fresh fruit (18" tray) $135cheese and crackers (300 pieces) $185to have a decent "selection", we would need several items i think and the cost would be more than to charter the boat!frankly, it would be less to pay for everyone to go to the buffet!

FutureMrs.McC

I think what you're doing works.  Don't bother with the appetizers. 

autzen1024

I personally think that since your wedding is in the morning afternoon the buffet being paid by guest is just fine. I am assuming you will go and get into some comfortable clothes. So do your guests realize that it is more of a friends and family get together instead of a luncheon reception?!? Your guest sounds a little crazy, take that lightly please Enjoy yourself and make the best out of the situation. The boat tour sounds pretty rad

erin_nj83

I am going against the grain on this issue.  I am a business owner as well and we have been hit super hard by the economy (there have been no new investments in my field for about 2 years now...that means no money in the door for 2 years).  I have held off my wedding now for over 2 years due to the economy.  I see why your guests are upset.  You are asking them to travel a long way to share in your special day.  You are paying for a boat tour which is great, but the reception is where you thank your guests for sharing your day.  In my opinion, they deserve at least a meal.  They are spending travel money, hotel, dinning and random extra money to see you get married.  Perhaps you can wait to get married when things with your business get better and you actually have a little more to spend on your guests.  Or you can cut your guest list to provide them with a meal.   The bottom line is this is your wedding and you can do what you want, but I can see why some of your guests are upset. 

fheck

we have already bumped it 4x because of finances and aren't going to do it again.  we are specifcially saying "no gifts" so those that are going are just paying for their stay and food.  we decided to have a ceremony instead of eloping, which was an option, because my fiance never had one.  so after some thought, I think what we are doing is fine.  if it's too much for people to go, they simply don't need to, we have a lot of other people going that clearly are not having an issue with it and we are grateful that they are sacraficing to share in our special day/weekend.  thanks everyone for your input, i appreciate it!