Reservations about having a bridal shower.

CNN in 2010

My MOH is insisting I have a bridal shower, but a lot of the women that are invited to our wedding already informed us they won't be coming on our cruise.  It feels kind of weird to me to be inviting all these women to my bridal shower and accepting gifts from them when they're not going to be a part of my wedding. Any of you ladies in this boat? What are you doing?Thanks!Natalie

salt78

I'm not doing a shower. I kind of feel like I forfeited my right to have one when I decided to do a DW.

nubiannqween

I'm in the same boat. I'm doing a DW in St.Lucia, and I'm not sure about the whole Bridal Shower...I don't know honestly. I don't want to come off as looking "present hungry"...lol...so, I may not have one. If enough of my friends/family insist on throwing me a very small one, I may say OK to that. But not to the big, invite everyone you know Bridal Party.

t1nkfan

We're not expecting a shower at all.  In fact, we've strongly stopped any talk about it by family...  We've asked for people to donate to a family scholarship fund in the memory of FI's sister. 

CNN in 2010

Nubiannqween that is exactly how I feel, I don't want peole to think I'm present hungry.  I'm not going doing a big bachelorette party either for the same reason a lot of my girlfriends arn't coming on the cruise and have lots of things going on so I'm just going to keep it low key and do dinner a drinks with a couple of friends but it would have been nice to have a some girl time to celebrate my big day.  But it's only a "big day" to me, I know a lot of other people have a lot going on so I don't want to ask them to come to  my bridal shower when they're not even going to be a part of my wedding. Thanks for your opinions ladies, your advise always puts things in perspective )

CanadianBride84

I am having two actually, one on my side of the family, one on his.  We are doing an AHR, that will be a full reception, so I guess all they are going to miss out on is the vow part.  So I guess I feel they are still part of the wedding.

NYHarleyBride

My cousin gave me a Bridal Luncheon this past weekend. Although two of my friends were there that are travelling to FL, it was mostly for the relatives (about 15 people total) that can't make it and to get all the cosuins and aunts together (and my grandmother, but she is in the hospital). Since I have been married before (many moons ago) I certainly did not want or expect presents (or toasters or blenders...lol) and I made sure she knew that while she was planning. In the end I received a spa certificate that one aunt and two cousins chipped in for, and a beautiful diamond palm tree necklace my other aunt and three cousins bought together, a beach print for our home and some spa gels and such. It was really an swesome party (and we had tea and cake after the lunch)!

Bigwuhead

Even though we are doing a DW, we are inviting everyone we would invite to a local wedding (which most would have to travel to anyhow).  Because of this, my mom and bridal party are having  a shower for me.  So all the ladies that are invited to the wedding will be invited to the shower.  I know several people who can't make the wedding, have asked if there will be a shower, because while they can't make the wedding, they want to be included in the events.  So... i'm having a shower.  I don't really feel strong one way or the other about it and if my mom and girls want to have one, and people want to come, great.  We are inviting a 100 people to our wedding, will end up with 50-70 guests at the wedding and 50 people to the shower, probably 25 at the shower.  Most of our guests don't live very locally, so regardless of what we do, or where we do it (wedding, shower etc) they would have to travel.

CraziStarr

I plan on having a bridal shower, but understand your concern.Are you having an AHR? That might change things (or might not...). Very few people are actually coming to the wedding ceremony (around 12, 19 at most), but we're having a full AHR a week or two after we return, which is justification in my book.

CNN in 2010

A part of me does think that a bridal shower would be nice, so for those ladies that arn't attending the wedding can make it to the shower.  But I just don't want them to think I just want to get as many presents as possible that's not the point.  I would like to partake in some of the traditions for weddings but because we decided to have a dw I'm accepting that these traditions may not be an option for me.  An AHR is still ify, if we had one it would only be for fi's side of the family not mine.  My family and friends still wouldn't be a part of our AHR. I think I'll just have to get a feel for what my family and friends say.  If they bring up the subject of a bridal shower then maybe I'll have one otherwise I'll just drop the issue, I don't want it to be a hassle.

meg222

I feel the same way about the shower issue, Natalie.  On our wedding website we have a section called "Our Un-Registry;" there its says that we'd prefer no gifts, but if people feel they need to mark the occasion with some sort of gift, we'd be honored for them to donate to these specific charities that mean a lot to us (then we provided links to the donation pages for the two charities).  After being in and going to so many weddings and showers, it's just a personal feeling of mine that they can get a little extravagant and costly for guests and members of the bridal party, and I just don't want that to happen at mine (especially where we're having a DW and those going are already spending a lot of money.)  I think everyone has a different opinion and comfort level with receiving gifts and whatnot.  I wonder if your MOH could be appeased by the idea of having a brunch or luncheon with all these women, but no gifts allowed?  You could call it something other than a shower and make it just a nice "bonding" time with the girls.  That's going to be my suggestion if my family tries to insist on giving me a shower.  

CNN in 2010

Meg222, thanks for your input.  I really liked your suggestion.  I just want us to play games and laugh and catch up... just have a fun afternoon.We could just call it lunch with the Bride or something.  Thanks!

sarlah

I don't really see any correlation between being able to go to a wedding and attending a bridal shower. Call me naive or whatever you want but... honestly, I didn't even know it was customary to bring gifts to a bridal shower anyway. A bridal shower is a chance for women to get together and celebrate, I just don't see why you can no longer celebrate because so & so isn't coming to the wedding? I'm sorry but that seems rude on the guests behalf.I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers, I'm just so tired of people making amendments or apologies for having the wedding they want. A DW is still a wedding and therefore should be celebrated as such. IMHO :)I guess I'm feeling a little feisty and defensive today.I also agree that each bride has to do what she is comfortable with and wants. If you don't want a bridal shower then that's up to you, but if you do want one but feel like you shouldn't - well I think that's wrong, you are still a BRIDE and deserve to celebrate that fact. For my bridal shower I invited all the women invited to the wedding. Bring a gift, don't bring a gift - I really don't care. I look at this as an opportunity to share my happiness with as many of my female friends & family as I can, and as a way to get to know some of FI's female relatives I don't know that well.

CNN in 2010

You bring up a really good point Sarah. I think the problem does lie with certain guests, I'm not stereotyping everyone into this category but.....  they figure I'm not going to be a part of your wedding day so I shouldn't be a part of any of it.  I feel like it's almost a way to get out of the committment of attending and/or having to buy a present for each event.  Buying a gift for the bridal shower, wedding, bachelorette party, etc. does get expensive, but when you're being told not to bring a gift; they figure thats rude and that they have to bring one. All I want is to enjoy the company of the women that have meant a lot to me in my life.... but unfortunately I think a lot will still pass on the shower because they feel like they're not a part of my wedding.  But oh well.  Thanks Sarah! I have a lot to think about now )

captainleela

I'm still having one. To me, it's part of being a bride and just because I'm going to be a bride in another state doesn't mean I shouldn't have a shower. Plus, there are several women who can't come to the wedding but still want to be a part of the whole thing, so they really want to be a part of the shower. IMO it isn't any different than an AHR.

JSBB2010

I know I always seem to agree with Sarlah, but I just do. I feel the same way. Just because I'm having a DW doesn't mean it's not a real wedding that should be celebrated as such. I haven't asked for a shower or barchlorette party, but my BFF, female family members, and other girlfriends have insisted, and I don't have any problem with letting them do it. My FI and I will be building our first house and he has always lived with roomates or his parents so we could really use some stuff since we are starting from scratch. I do not expect any gifts from guest at our wedding and have told my family this, but it would still be nice to have a shower and get to feel like the bride that I've waited 33 years to be.

meccaj

i asked the same question like two days ago. and i came to the decision that unlike a wedding back home. everyone is invited however its their chose if they want to spend the money to go to St. Lucia. so instead of  us paying for ppl see us get marry its the reverse...(how it should be)lol another thought is that ppl who love u would want to spend some part of ur day with u anyway. lastly bridal shower are usually given to u by someone else so if u look @ it someone else is asking for gift for u!!!!!!!

FutureMrs.McC

I agree with Alison.  I'm having one however, only the women closest to me are invited.  If they feel offended that I'm getting married in Jamaica then they don't have to come.  I really don't think that's the case though and everyone expected me to have a shower.  To Sarah - I understand what you're saying but a the point of a shower is to "shower" the bride or mother to be with gifts.  I honestly wouldn't care if someone didn't bring me a gift but would never attend a shower without bringing one.