No MOH, don't want to insult, what to do..

SimplyMistaken

Many of you are aware, my MOH dissapeared off the face of the earth about 5 months ago.  Poof.  Gone.  All along my one BM has been wonderful, calling all the time, helpful, etc.  I would love to ask her to be my MOH now, but am I insulting her since I did not ask her originally?  Will she see herself as my "back up" now..?  Will the other girls get insulted that once again they were not chosen as the MOH?  Should I just keep it with no MOH?  What do you think?  Be brutally honest like I know you can!! 

FutureMrs.McC

Sorry about your MOH.  Is she ok?I would just leave it alone.  It sounds like she's taken over the duties.  Maybe get her a little something extra special.

natalee215

Ask the one you want to ask.  Go with your gut.  Don't worry too much about the other girls feelings.  I would tell the new MOH that you were between the 2 girls and the other girl just thought you were picking her so you felt obligated or something like that.

sarlah

Gosh Jamie, I am so sorry you are still dealing with this! It makes me so angry for you!Well I think that the best approach might be to just have a chat with the BM you would like to be your MOH now and just be totally honest and blunt with her. Let her know why you asked the first MOH to begin with, and why you are asking HER to be your MOH now. I think she sounds like a good friend and will understand. As far as your other BM go... well I think they should just understand and still be happy that you want them in your wedding. I mean that in a nice way, btw.

chaas82

Honestly I think that if I were your replacement, I would definitely think about the fact that I wasnt chosen first, but then I would still be really excited to be the MOH! I kind of have this problem - I have a MOH and 2 BM (they are my sisters and SIL - brothers wife). My FI is only having his 2 brothers stand up right now. He said he might pick 3 other friends depending on who can come! And I really want my 2 BFFs to stand up as well. But then I would have 5 definites and only 2 for FI. So we are waiting to see, but I feel like my BFFs will think about what you wrote too. So not sure...

chaas82

Oh, I was also going to say - maybe not even actually delegate her to be an official MOH, just make her the first in line and then she can do all the MOH stuff, hold boquet, etc.

SimplyMistaken

Chaas, lol, I have 5 girls and one guy standing for me, my FI has three guys!  So, six on one side, three on the other!  We don't care about formalities..but I don't want to hurt feelings...

IrisS

Jamie, i dont have an official MOH. This one girl i asked to be my BM (who said for sure is coming to the wedding, and will be our witness) is now giving me the cold shoulder for some reason (I have no idea why she's mad at me, and even though i asked she wont say!).I asked another friend to be my BM but im not 100% she's coming BUT she's been super helpful with everything (stds, invites, dress shopping) so i think she unoficially took over that role. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.But as im writing this, i am thinking that maybe i need to? Sorry, im no help!

Marci17154

I think you should ask her and give her the title.. She has been so wonderful all along and helped pick up the slack, I think she would be honored that you are aware of her extra efforts and be proud to be your MOH

Bigwuhead

I think it depends.  If you do ask someone (and I would if I were in your shoes) I would be very up front about how you don't want them to be upset or feel left out etc.  Now..why would i ask someone, because I think sometimes, not always, it's important to have a ring leader, someone who can be your go to person, and can be the girls go to person.  For instance, it's easier to contact 1 person as opposed to all the girls.  And plus, if you don't have  MOH, but you have someone who take the roll, without the title, then you may have hurt feelings.  GL!

CNN in 2010

I would give her the title that she deserves, being a MOH is an honor and it's different from being a bm.  I would have an honest talk with my bm that I'd like to have as a MOH and tell her how much I appreciate her and how she's impacted my whole wedding experience. If it were me maybe it'd think about how I wasn't asked the first time but I'd get over it in a second and be excited I'm the freakin' MOH yea-yea!! haha And as far as the other chick goes, sorry to hear you're gong through that.  Don't let her issues become your problem if she's not even trying to be involved in your life.  

LadyBird9

I think you should totally ask her to be MOH... if she is doing all the work for it she deserves the title. I don't think you even need to worry about insulting her. I would just let her know how much you appreciate all she does, and how she has been your maid of honor all along and you would like her to have the title! Your awesome BM sounds awesome... so I wouldn't worry about her feeling like your second choice... :-) and sorry about your original MOH... :-(

lynlovesjoe

MOH- she dropped her title when she dissapeared. I think you have to have a new MOH because that role is very important. Your BM probably would prefer you change her title to MOH. I know I would. The reason why we usually pick a girl for the maid of honor is because you have known her longer or she is family, so your BM will understand why you felt obligated to use the other girl as your MOH before thinking of her. What matters is that your BM has been doing all of the MOH duties without the title which isn't fair to her. You could be silly about it and get on your knees and beg her to take this honor. Just to defuse any bad thoughts she might have in the back of her mind. And give her an extra special present for being such a great friend.

salt78

I know I'm late on this, but I would definitely not replace her. Not only would she be second string, but in the event that the other girl comes back in the picture, it would really be hurtful to her too. Either keep her as your MOH if she shows back up or just don't have one at all if she doesn't.

Jess&Ryan2010

I'm worried about MOH drama, so I am just picking 4 girls. It will be my two sisters and my two best friends from child hood. There is no way I could choose one MOH. I haven't decided how to ask them yet, but I want them to all feel honored and work together...co-MOHs!Like the other girls said, you should just be honest and let the BM know how much she means to you and you have really appreciated how much she has stepped in. It's up to you if you want to ask her to be MOH or just leave it, maybe with no MOH. I say the less drama, the better. Do what your instinct tells you and makes YOU happy. After all, that is why we are destination brides. : ) Good luck!