STD etiquette question

carrieoz_76

So, I am aware that when you send someone a STD, you have to later send them an invite. I won't do STD's for a few more months because I don't want to have the guest list argument yet. But I'm wondering - is it a horrible breach of etiquette to send STD's to a smaller group of people than you plan on sending invitations? Has anyone else done/considered this, and if so how did it turn out? I intend to send STD's to people who I know will talk (i.e. friend groups) and won't leave someone in the friend group out only to send them an invitation later - obviously that could be hurtful. But a lot of ppl currently on our guest list are old family friends and extended family that I doubt will come, but I'd still like to invite because I think they'd like to be invited (and of course we'd invite them if the wedding were local). I don't see a point to sending these folks STD's (and frankly, we don't have money for this many ppl at the wedding, so I don't really want *all* of them to actually STD...). FWIW, we are undecided on an AHR, and at most will do a super casual BBQ - nothing fancy. WDYT? Is this an acceptable workaround to the guest list/limited budget issue, or something I should forget about?

brian&shelli

I'm not sure how to answer your question, but what we did is we sent STD's to all of our friends and family!!!  It was sort of an "announcement" as well, to let everyone know that we were engaged.  We locked into an awesome group rate for the cruise and the offer was only available for a certain amount of time.  So we wanted everyone to have the opportunity to take advantage of that!We're sending invites to all that have booked their cabins as well as close family and friends who haven't booked yet, but we wanted them to know that they're welcome to join us if they'd like.  Invites are going out the end of September / early October to give them at least 4 months to book since the deadline for the cruise is in early February.

drm6285

When do you plan on sending your invites?  Just as a heads-up, I would be leery of inviting someone if you don't want them there and just don't think they will come, we've already had 7-9ppl coming that were on our definite "would not attend" list.  It's totally not a big deal, but if it's a budget issue with you, I just wanted to caution you to be careful.I don't think you have to send everyone that you are inviting a STD, those are more of a courtesy I think.  I'm not sure of "proper" etiquette though. 

LadyBird9

We didn't even send STDs... by the time we decided that we were having a DW... we had like 2 weeks to get them out and it just wasn't worth the hassle. We did send our invitations really early though... If you send someone an STD... you need to invite them to the wedding itself. I have about six STD's on the fridge right now - and if one of those wedding dates comes and goes without an invitation I would be hurt. Ya know? I don't see any real etiquette issue with sending a smaller group an STD... and larger group invitations. But also I agree with PP - don't invite people you don't want there. Weddings bring out interesting sides in people and there is bound to be someone you don't want there to come! HTH! :-)

t1nkfan

That is actually what we did!!!  We sent out about 25-30 STDs to immediate fam and a few friends.  We sent invites in 2 waves also. Once we figured out that we could afford more and who of those were coming on the original list, we sent invites to cousins and more friends.  We still sent invites to people who we knew couldn't/wouldn't come, but not STDs.Only one aunt asked about why we ended up inviting so many more including her kids that they thought weren't going to be invited because of no STD - not in a mean way or anything, she's just has no filter or concept of reality sometimes - anyway, our answer was "the more the merrier and we have saved a lot more than we thought we would"...  I think as long as you're honest about everything, then people won't have an issue and come up with some standard tag lines like:  we're having just family and a few friends because of our budget but we hope to see you at our BBQ so we can all celebrate!

Bigwuhead

We weren't sure how big/small our guestlist was going to be.  would it be 90 or more.  So we focused on the core family, friends and bridal party that we knew for SURE would be invited and sent STDs to those people only.   We'll probably end up inviting more people than got the STD's at this point.

jesbar11

Agreed: if you send someone a STD, you have to invite them to the wedding - same for shower invites. I've never heard of not sending everyone a STD, but I guess it could work - maybe just send it to the people you really want to be there! But I wouldn't invite people that you don't actually want to come - they might surprise you! Why not send those people an announcement instead, rather than an invite?