feeling guilty.... *vent*

tiffanyliska

So is anyone else feeling guilty about choosing a destination wedding? One of my friends, who is saying she is definitely coming,  keeps casually saying how we can get it cheaper if we go to a different place, but my fiance really doesn't want to go anywhere else (and I don't really either).  I have some other friends (me and my fiances best friends) who really want to come... but to someone in their early 20's $2000 is a lot of money to shell out for a wedding (and a week vacation)... and I definitely can't afford to pay for guests!  (side note: is there some protocol about paying for bridesmaids/groomsmen's accommodations?) It's just frustrating. I'm supposed to be excited about my decision (and I am) but I have to worry about everyone else that I may be excluding because they just can't afford it.   (I guess I'm just getting jitters because we are so very close to booking...)

chosen175

I hear ya on this one! We did feel guilty because my sisters all have husbands and kids, and 3 of the 4 sisters are SAHM's so money is tight for them. They all swore they were coming, regardless of the cost and I would actually lose sleep over it because I knew they couldn't afford it. I guess what I would advise you to do is sit down and make sure you and your FI would be 1000000% happy with your choice if NOBODY came - if the answer is yes, book that DW and don't look back. *HUG*

nubiannqween

I totally understand what you're dealing with. I'm also getting Married in St.Lucia next year....and well, the amount was higher than what I expected for guests. A some friends are sounding like they can't go because of the price. I suggested they come for 3 nights (to get a cheaper package)...so they can still be there with us, but we'll see who comes or not. I know both our sides of immediate family will be there (parents and siblings). In the end, we talked about it and my FI and I are totally comfortable if it ends up just being us, and actually it would be less stress. So, I agree with the pp, if you and your FI are completely happy with it just being you two and you won't regret certian people coming with you...go for it! It is YOUR wedding and its about you and your FI...not everyone else, so don't feel guilty for wanting your day where you want it. :-)

nubiannqween

I just counted down my ticker to weeks and days...I think we have the same date too!  LOL Aug 7th! :-)

NYHarleyBride

So...I definitely would not make the decision based on one friend dropping hints, but understand how you feel. We had some in their 40's that won't make ours for a lot less of a cost. How many of your family members or other close friends think they can come, and would you be upset if they were not there? Keep in mind friends change over the years.It was probably an easier choice for us being a second wedding for both as we were not stuck on everyone being able to make it. We sort of have the, would love to see you, but understand if you can't attitude. That said, one of the reasons we picked FL was the cost for our guests is about half of going to one of the islands and he has a lot of relatives there.Also, if you are having an AHR, I think you probably tend to be less concerned with who can make it to the island as they have an opportunity to celebrate with you when you return.

NYHarleyBride

Regarding your question on the accommodations, no, I do not think that is necessary unless you are swimming in cash and want to extend the offer. We did cover the cost of the dresses/tuxes for ours though, and most of the meals will be covered.

JSBB2010

With all honesty....no guilt. This is what we want and I'm going to do it without regret. I second guessed it the first week and then I went to a friends big church wedding and that was all it took to help me decide. It was a chaotic mess and I wanted to scream. When I left, I called Barry and said Thank God we are not doing this! I haven't looked back since.

carrieoz_76

The guilt I felt was for my best friends, and FI's two best friends. We knew they wouldn't miss the wedding no matter where we did it, but that it would be a hardship for them. Our immediate family will be fine - they're not strapped for cash - so I wasn't worried about them. We decided to help out our friends by paying for accommodations for the WP for 4 nights with us at the inn we're staying at. We're renting the place out for those 4 nights. As a result, we've set up a home base, and I expect ppl to be hanging out with us each of the nights we're all there. I don't feel guilt about anyone else as they can join us if they can afford it, or not if they can't. I got an email from a BM when she realized that we were renting out the inn and we'd all be there with our friends for 4 nights. Her comment - "Best.Wedding.Plan.Ever." Poof, no more guilt. It's asking for a lot, but we're committed to making this a unique and FUN experience for everyone who's able to make it. You aren't required to pay accommodations for your WP. It was something we decided to do, and we're reducing our budget elsewhere to make it happen. Don't feel pressure to do it; it's not expected at all.

lilyswish

ditto pp - if you're both happy with the decision it's the right choice :)I felt really guilty because my older bro's girlfriend is still in school so she won't be able to make it & some family can't because kids are in school at that time, but at the end of the day, our dream wedding simply wasn't at homeWe ended up finding a location where we could afford to pay for accommodation for a number of our guests for 2 nights, but it's definitely not required to pay for the guests or WP.  At the end, if you give your guests enough notice to budget & plan, you're not excluding anyoneOff the wall idea, but you can see about setting up a live webcam feed exclusively for your family & friends that can't make it? so they can still be there, even if it is just remotely?  no idea if this has been done before!

smilz4milz

At first I think that I was feeling more frustrated with people than guilty.  I finally, finally for once made a decision about ME...and trying to keep the mentality of "about me" would sometimes prove difficult.In the end we have 9 couples staying with us and 11 guests booking at other resorts that are less expensive.  This is fine, they will just have to pay to enter our resort the day of the wedding.  They will also miss out on spending a lot of time with us that others who are actually staying with us will be able to enjoy (my mom isn't even staying at our resort...I think she might regret it later).  So I guess with some people, regardless of what you choose for YOUR day, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  We made it perfectly clear (it became our motto!) that "we entirely understand if you cannot make it to Jamaica."  No way could afford to pay for anyone's trip (we barely were able to pay for our own!  HA!).  And our guests that chose to go and stay somewhere else, again we cannot afford for them to attend the wedding...that was *their* choice.We are having a reception when we return though...this way everyone else can celebrate with us (including FI's mom and grandma because they weren't going to "some foreign country"..."what if I die?"  Really they asked that!  FI told them that at least they would die in paradise...that didn't help matters!  HA!).GL!

tiffanyliska

Thanks ladies!   I think my best option is to maybe try and help pay for our best friends, and then if they can't make it, we at least tried!  I'll just find a cheaper dress and not wear any shoes hahaha... but I'll find someway to save up the money for them. Also, I do like the webcam idea but I don't think that's available at my resort yet.  I'm going to get someone to record it and then we can post it somewhere for people to see when we return... :)I flop between being perfectly happy if it's just our parents and brothers...and wanting to share it with our best friends and other friends...! My fiance actually just wants to elope so he is perfectly happy with no one coming. hahasmilzformilz:you're first paragraph exactly describes me!  except my frustration has turned to guilt... lol nubiannqween:we are getting married on the same day! I think you are going to the regency (i think i caught that from another post) and i want to go to the halcyon

jen812

I would definitely recommend at AHR. The only guilt I feel is b/c my grandfather can't make it (he's sick). Besides that, I am really looking forward to the perfect wedding! If anyone has more info on the webcam, please let me know. That would be perfect for my grandfather.