Trying to be happy *long*

sarlah

A couple of nights ago FI said something to me that boils down to him saying that I never seem happy, with him or anything/one else lately. It was not a long conversation at all, because I didn't really say much and he just dropped it. But it is definitely something still looming in the air.It really got me thinking about everything and honestly, I'm not unhappy right now, I'm just not the definition of happiness either. I've been dealing with a lot of stress regarding house/escrow stuff, WR drama, IL issues, money issues, and the emotions that come along with realizing the house I grew up in will no longer be my home in like, a month. Then on top of that there are just the general day-to-day things that happen or you have to deal with. I know these are all things we have to deal with, it comes along with getting married & being adults, but I feel like - can I just have a little time to adjust?Anyone who knows me well knows I don't deal with change well, it takes me a little bit to warm up to any change, but I do always deal with it and am usually happy in the end.I think one of the big issues is that I am having a hard time dealing with my FIL's. I find them incredibly disrespectful (to FI), apathetic in regards to everything, and insanely selfish. I especially can not stand being around my FBIL. This really worries me because they are about to be my family. I'm hoping after FI and I are living together and I just don't see my FIL's as much, things will get better. The problem is I complain about them (a lot), I hardly have anything nice to say about them anymore, and I think it's really starting to get to my FI. I don't mean to be this way, it just... happens. Seriously. I actually really like my FMIL & FFIL. They're awesome people - when you don't have to deal with them every day and have them in your business 24/7. The relationship with FBIL could be nonexistent as far as I'm concerned, and FI feels the same way. His brother is just... well you'd have to know him. But be glad you don't :)So I am not sure what my exact point was with this post anymore, other than I need to get it all out. I am happy with my decisions, I am happy with where my life is headed, I do love my FI more than anything else, I just am at an in-between phase right now and I wish I could explain that to him.     A big margarita to anyone who read all of that! I'm trying to be positive

Bigwuhead

First off...(((hugs))) secondly, I 100% know how you feel.  Okay, well not about living at home and all that, but about being really stressed out and with a lot of change and especially the part about your FIL's.  I'm in the same boat there.  I wish I could say some great piece of advice, but i'm still searching for it myself.  The advice given to me with regard to FIL's.  Just let it go and try not to let it bother you.  I'm trying, and you should try too, for FI"s sake, but it's not easy.  But remember, we all deal with things differently and maybe you should just tell FI how you feel, and it will help him understand more.  I don't know that it would change things for me with my FI, but maybe for you!GL and keep your head up!

CNN in 2010

Sarah, I'm sorry that you're feeling kind of down but this is a very emotional time in your life right now.  I've been the same way....my emotions go up and down and up and down, not that it's every been any different haha ;o) But, right now there is so much going on that you're bound to get a little overwhelmed and a little stressed out.  But just keep in mind that everything that is happening is preparing you for your transition for the next chapter in your life. And it's going to be a great new adventure that will be new and different but very exciting.  You're going to establish your own home now, you're no longer going to be living with your parents, you're the boss of your dwelling :O) As far as talking about fi's family goes, honestly, I think it's rude of you.  I don't care for my fbil and his future wifes actions and comments towards us but I could tell it was starting to bother him so I've dropped it.  I will never see eye to eye with my fbil's fi (soon to be wife) but I need to find a common ground with them b/c we will be married into the same family and we will see each other from time to time so it's better to be cordial.  You don't have to love his family to death but you do need to respect them in front of fi.  My parents annoy the sh*t out of me but if my fi was to dog them all the time and talk bad about them all the time I would get upset and tell him it's not his place to judge my family.  He hasn't been a part of my family all my life to judge us in that manner.   He knows his family isn't easy to deal with but you don't need to remind him of it.  I know it's hard, trust me, not to vent about his family to him.  I had a hard time dropping the issue but I did, and I vent it out to friends now.  Just work on keeping certain comments to yourself.I hope things get better soon, just relax and enjoy the ride )

sarlah

You are both definitely right, I need to try & let it go, and I definitely need to stop complaining about my FIL's... at least stop complaining to him about them. I'm sure it wears on him. He agrees with me a lot, but I'm sure it still bothers him at this point. I almost don't know what to do to repair the damage I've already done. I'm sure he thinks I just hate his family, which I don't at all. They drive me crazy, I admit that, I wish I didn't have to deal with them so much, but like I said before I do like them and I do care about them. I've decided that things will definitely get better when I don't have to see them every day.

sarlah

CNN - Just to clarify, I'm definitely not rude or mean to them. Yes, I complain about them. No, I would never be disrespectful to them. I'm nice, social, and polite when I'm around them. It's after I'm not in front of them anymore that if I don't say something to someone I feel like my head will explode. I understand what you're saying, but I mean... the worst thing I've ever done is complain about them. I would certainly never disrespect them in their own house.

ginaherman6

{{{Hugs}}} Sorry to hear about the stress. I think it will all get better once the wedding is over too, just think back and remember how it was before you two got engaged and it will probably go back to that once everything settles down. Of course until you start having kids, then I'm sure you'll have to deal with drama again for that. Hang in there and I hope they don't stress you out too much before the wedding.

sarlah

Thanks ladies I think I just needed to get it all out and realize I'm not just going crazy.

sarlah

I definitely agree with everything you all have said, Thanks for the advice I should just vent here as opposed to FI, I'm sure he's heard enough. It's because at first I would only complain about them when he was complaining about then, then I started bringing stuff up myself and he would agree with me, and now I just complain all the time and he's starting to get defensive. Time to turn over a new leaf.

SimplyMistaken

Sarlah, you are an amazing person to think about this, to know what the issues are, and to be able to talk about it.  Most people would be throwing fits, taking it out on the FI, etc.  As many other said, remember the reason you are in all of this to begin with and try to focus on the positive! We love you!

drm6285

I don't have much wisdom to add as good advice has already been given, but I just wanted to send you HUGS to feel better. Stress can be a killer, and you have A LOT on your plate now.  I remember being totally freaked out when we were closing on our house, it's such a stressful process, we actually put our wedding plans on hold until all of that was over.  You're having to deal with all of this at once, I'm such once things calm down, so will your nerves and your happiness will return!

sarlah

Thank you ladies, for all of your advice and kind words :)I don't feel better, but I do feel heard and understood, and I think that's what I need right now. I don't know what I would do without all of you, you all help me so much! I hope I can return that in some way.