Destination Weddings Discussions

Vent: I want to elope!

Yesterday, fi asked me if we could have twice as many guests as we had originally planned for and started listing a bunch of people to invite that I had never met.  They were mostly his mother's friends. I hate having to say things like "We can't afford to have them," but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one of us who lives in the real world.  And the truth is, even if we could afford to have these people there, I wouldn't want them there.  I only want people there who genuinely care about us as a couple. I see my vows as very personal and I would feel shy saying them in front of people beyond my close friends.  I feel like a jerk for saying no to him, but he can't offer me any valid reasons for why he wants these guests there other than to keep his mother company.  And that's nice but his mother isn't paying a dime of the wedding costs.  Actually, so far, the only person paying for things is me.  And what I want to do is elope!!!  Fi's job is commission based and these "huge sales" that he thinks are done deals keep falling through.  So right now, it looks like I will be paying for the entire wedding.  And eloping looks even more tempting by the moment.  Did anybody else feel the urge to run away and just ditch the wedding plans?

Re: Vent: I want to elope!

  • I do think about eloping...a lot...especially lately. But then I think about it and I really want my mom and dad with me that day.But if that is really what you want to do...talk to your FI about it. As long as you are both happy and that is what you want to do, that's all that matters.
  • I still think about it =) I would love to just run away together, but FI really wants his family there and I do to (not as important to me though). Like Normailed said, if it's something you really want to do it's worth discussing w/ your FI
  • Breathe!! If it is something you truly care about you fi should understand why you don't want those people there....and the other thing to think about is it worth the fight? I so want to elope because my "small" wedding has turned into all aunt uncles cousin brothers sisters grandparents....also my location went from Mexico, HI or some place "exotic" to FL... I realized somethings just are not worth the fight! Breathe, this is your day so decide what is important to you.
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  • You should NOT have to invite people you don't know to the wedding. Is FMIL traveling alone to the wedding? If so maybe mention to FI that she could bring 1 guest to the wedding so she isn't alone after the ceremony? We are eloping and I think it's the best decision we've made regarding the wedding. GL!
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  • Its always so hard when you are paying for the wedding....You want to invite everyone, but no one is helping you out, so you make the decisions!!  Is it possible to invite only one or two pairs of friends of your FMIL?  That is what I did with my mother and FMIL - we spoke to them and asked that they only ask one or 2 couples who are close friends to be invited....I thought it was a good idea since they knew they had this rule so they wouldn't go out and ask 10 people and  risk be embarrassed if one mom stuck to the rules and the other didn't (sneaky and maybe not the best way of doing it, but it worked and besides if anyone confronted them, they told them - "sorry it was my daughter's rule as she is paying").
  • Thank you for the sentiments; I feel a little less panicked.I like the advice to just allow a few of her friends.  However, I'll leave the decision of who those friends are up to fi because his mother is prone to excess.  A few weeks ago she had invited all kinds of people to our wedding via a facebook post and she became really upset when fi informed her that we didn't want a huge wedding.  We are inviting quite a few of fi's cousins, which he hadn't included on our original "final" guest list.  This already makes me a little uneasy because I don't know any of his cousins and he hardly ever sees them anyway.  We haven't fought about this whole expanding guest list issue but I don't think he understands how much those added guests will cost.  When I first asked him how much he thought the average wedding cost, he said 3000-4000 dollars.  Even after I showed him a book of the average wedding costs, he still keeps hinting that he'd like more people, and I have to kindly redirect him to our original budget/guest list.
  • I felt the stress of trying to plan a traditional and destination wedding. No one was happy with my plans either way. I had decided to have a traditional wedding so everyone could come cause everyone was so demanding of the whens and wheres of my destination wedding. Then people were still complaining about my traditional wedding so I said screw all y'all and thats why Fi and I are going to get married all by our lonesome. I think it hurt the immediate family's feeling but if they had been cooperative throughout the way and not said things like "The wedding is about everyone else seeing you get married, not what you want" then they could have been there. Alright, done with that rant :)
  • I'm sorry to hear that you're stressed. We felt the same way about only wanting to share our vows, etc. with those who meant the most to us while my mom (who I'm not close with) wanted to make it all about her (which is her m.o.), inviting all these people she knew who we'd never met. So we went with what we wanted to do from the beginning and had a planned elopement in Jamaica - then celebrated with a cocktail reception back home with our close fam & friends. For us it was perfect - beautiful and sentimental - and with our resort stay, our wedding was complimentary and mostly stress-free. You'll know in your heart what the right decision is for the two of you. Ask yourselves what you want to remember when you look back on your wedding day. My FFIL at the time asked us that question. It was such sound advice. Good luck and best wishes!
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