Destination Weddings Discussions

Now we may elope (vent) long

So my FI and I had seriously thought about eloping and discussed it with my family.  At first they all agreed, but then one by one, they made comments about wanting to be there.  So, in May at another family wedding, I had a serious discussion with my siblings and mother - they all said, that while they would support any decision we made, they really wanted to be there.  I explained that we were doing a DW, they were fine with that.So, we start to plan and try to figure it all out - we go to Grand Cayman, decide it was going to be too expensive.  Then we went to Mexico last weekend, loved the place we found, got a really good quote on the resort and report back.  We decided on an all-inclusive, so it was  a bit expensive on the face of it, but when you broke it down, it was reasonable, IMO.  We spent a lot of time and money trying to find someplace that was appropriate for my family.Now, one sister has 3 kids and the other 2, so the plane tickets added up, which we realized.  FI and I had done long distance for 2.5 years, so we have ALOT of frequent flier miles, which we planned to drain to help out my family.  (He only has parents and one sister who was going to come solo, so my family was the only problem).So, I tell our TA that we are going to do this, I start looking at the boards to make my OOT list, look at the dress that I have been waiting to order, etc. knowing that doing this was probably jinxing everything.Well, fast forward to today.  My sister calls and I think it's to discuss the pregame.  After a few mintues, she says, about Mexico, I've looked at the numbers again.  Basically she and my other sister both apparently had no idea that it would be so much to go to our wedding.  This is the same sister who told me in July that she would spend $4000 in plane tickets to go to Hawaii.  So, I start crying and then she starts crying.  I'm just frustrated.  I completely understand why they cannot come to the wedding, but it's just so frustrating when we have spent so much time and money trying to make things reaonable for everyone.  FI and I were also thinking of getting married this month, but because everyone wanted to be there, we changed our plans.I know that many people on this board say to just plan what you want and be prepared for no one or anyone to come. I guess it was just different because everyone wanted to come and I thought I had figured out a way for that to happen.  My sister told me that if we wanted them there, they would come.  But really, that's not an option now.So, I guess I am just sad.  I went from wanting to elope to really liking the idea of having my Mom walk me down the aisle and spending time with my family at the wedding.  We had thought of getting married somewhere on the East Coast of the US, but it really is not the wedding that I want and I know that I would regret doing something like that to please everyone else.So sorry this is so long!  Just had to vent - I have a great family and it means so much to me that they wanted to be there, I just wish I knew they wouldn't be able to come months ago.

Re: Now we may elope (vent) long

  • That really stinks! I'm sorry your family is giving you such a hard time. You'd think they would be more concerned about YOU being happy than their own desires. Some people have a lot to learn about what it means to be supportive. *HUG* FI and I have changed our wedding plans several times. And what I realized is that no matter where we go or what we plan, there is NO WAY we will please everyone. Someone will always b!tch about something. And that was hard for me to accept because I'm a total people-pleaser. In trying to please them, I wound up making myself miserable. Would your sisters consider doing 2 nights by themselves without their kids? That might make things easier. Some photography companies also do live internet broadcasts, which could be an option if your family wants to "be there" but can't afford to be there. Would you consider going on an exotic cruise and getting married at one of the ports? Cruises are dirt cheap these days and depending on where your family lives, they might be able to drive to board the ship and not have to worry about paying for airfare.
  • I'm sorry you have to deal with this! It's so difficult, no matter how supportive your family is. You really have to try and do what will make you the most happy in the end, if it's the location then you have to go with a location you love. If it's having your family there, then you will probably have to sacrifice location. It sucks, but it is what it is.btw - I totally second Lisa's idea of a cruise!! You can get married on the ship or at one of the ports. Cruises are dirt cheap right now, and they're just so fun!! Sometimes it's easier to convince people into going on a cruise because it's like an AI resort, but you don't have to go anywhere - everything is right on the ship. Where do you live? If you live close to where the cruise ships depart from then you can even save on airfare. Definitely something to consider, you could have your tropical location and you family.HTH :) Good luck, everything will work out in the end.
  • I agree - no matter what you do, some people simply wont be happy.  Do what makes you feel the happiest, whether that's changing things again for family, a cruise, eloping.  It's a really tough choice and I'm sending you huge hugs! Have a glass of wine!
  • I completely understand your disapointment and frustration.  I am having the same experience and there are some days, I just want to cry.  As of now it looks like none of my siblings are coming and none of my Fiance family is either.  I just try to keep a good attitude and remember that at the end of the trip, we will be married and that's all matters.   You have my empathy.
    IVF#1 May 2011 15 Eggs Retrieved, 11 Fertilized using ICSI + HPT on 6/9/11 Beta #1 420 Beta #2 2167 US 7/1 TWINS!! Due 2/18/2012 Brooke and Nora born at 35.6 weeks Jan 20th 2012
  • I'm really sorry this happened to you. It is hard when you get your hopes up that people will be able to make it, but can't. I know I'll be in that boat with some friends, and I'm not looking forward to it - I can't imagine what it'd be like if my family told me they couldn't come. Why don't you give it a few days, then sit down with your FI and figure out what you both want, given what your family has told you about their finances. I've found when I've had a hard time, my FI has been the one who's really helped me figure things out. Best of luck!
  • Sorry you are going through this. I usually agree with the "do what YOU really want to do theory, but in this case it is very important for you to have your sisters there. I think you have two choices (sorry I am so analytical). 1. elope and have an AHR so those that could not attend can celebrate. 2. Change to a more reasonable location so you can have the people there you wanted. I am not sure what you meant by having it somwhere on the east coast, but there are probably some options you have not thought of or explored. We had our wedding in FL for some of the same reasons. There are some very tropical locations, and in our case, more people were able to attend. Most spent under $200 for plane tickets and in this economy, that made a big difference. If you really think you will regret it, then I think you are looking at option 1, but ultimately, somewhere you will need to compromise.
  • I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru this.  I know how much time you guys put into finding the perfect spot.  Sadly this is one of the hardest parts of having a DW (we invited about 40 people and are only expecting about 10-15)  Sit down with your FI and decide what is important to you and what you can/ can't live without.  Good luck and tons of ((hugs)) to you.
    New bio with helpful info for DW knotties!
    Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
    image
    imageimage
  • This board is always so helpful, so I thought I'd post and try to help for once! Like most brides, we changed our minds many times for several different reasons. In the end, we kept just saying we wish it could just be him and I, on the beach, relaxing together and ENJOY the day, not having to worry about others worrying about money spent etc. So, we made up our minds and sat down with our families/friends and explained what we wanted. Like you, at first everyone was OK with it. Then, they grew more concerned about how THEY would feel if they missed it... forgetting about what WE really wanted for our day. Some days have been tougher than others with the family. But, in all honesty, nobody is forking up money to help with the "traditional" wedding THEY all want... and we dont want wedding debt... or a traditional wedding. This is affordable and romantic and EXACTLY what WE want for OUR day... and that is whats most important. The way I see it, the day is about EACHOTHER, the love you share and your vows and promises...With that said, we cannot wait to come home and celebrate with everyone for our AHR! We will share pictures and make all the people we love know it is important to us that they share special moments with us during this exciting times in our lives. Hopefully it helps to know others are having the same feelings/issues as you.If you ever want to vent, feel free to email. I've been there- but 6 months to go and there isnt a doubt in my mind Im having the wedding of my dreams!!!
  • Thanks everyone!!So, I talked to my sister no. 2, who was really upset that sister no. 1 had said anything to me.  She basically told me that they knew how much it would be, that it was FINE with her, that they wanted to be there, etc.  She also apparently talked to sister no. 1 and told her that after making such a big deal that they wanted to attend the actual wedding, she couldn't now suddenly tell me that they were not coming.  Sister no. 2 made me feel MUCH better!  I think that Sister no. 1 told me to make things easier for no. 2, even though no. 2 was fine (and she aplogized for venting about how much it was going to cost - b/c she knew and was fine with doing it).So, we'll see what happens.  FI has been out of town, but I think we're just going to stay with our plans and see what happens.  I was just frustrated because we changed our plans becuase my family really wanted to be at the wedding (so then it became something that was important to me) and then suddenly, they were not.  My Mom will be there (since we are paying for some/all of the trip) and so I think sister no. 1 will end up coming too - just gotta find some good airfare!Thanks again - it's just so nice to be able to come here and get support from everyone.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards