shower etiquette

nessi979

so, ive been thinking about this since my shower.  

(before i get started, let me preface this by saying some of you may remember that i didnt even want a shower, and after having one i am so grateful for my friends & family and touched by their incredible generosity.  i wouldnt trade my shower for anything!)

what is the etiquette for shower gifts when you dont attend the shower?   every shower ive ever been invited to, i have given a card and a gift, even if i wasnt able to attend.   even with weddings, i send a card and gift if i cant attend.    has something changed?

I invted 43 people to my shower, and 26 came.   out of the 17 who couldnt make it, 1 person sent a gift.   i was shocked to not even recieve cards from other people.   i absolutely am not expecting gifts, i just couldnt imagine not sending even a card.  

is this not something people do anymore?    im still going to send stuff, no matter what!  just curious 

Kayla&Brian412

I do this.  There have been two family showers that have occured since November (two cousins) that I couldn't attend because they're in MD and I'm in NC.  I definitely sent a gift!

aukelly

I'm not really sure what I'd do.  I haven't been invited to many showers.  I know for baby showers I would probably send a gift but I'm not sure about a wedding shower since I would be buying a wedding gift.  

A girl I know had 2 showers, I went to 1 brought a gift for that but did not send a gift for the other shower I didn't attend.  I thought that was a little overkill since I'd be getting a wedding gift too. 

Honestly I don't think I would expect a gift from someone who did not come to my shower.  And if I recall correctly I don't think I got gifts ior cards from the people who didn't come to my previous shower.

eta: add words i forgot.

waterous.m

I don't know what's normal because I have yet to have my showers, but generally if I am unable to attend a shower I send a gift and card to the shower location (if its at someones home) or directly to the bride beforehand.

hwkeyebrideinstl

I definitely don't expect a gift from people that aren't able to make it to a shower (nor have I given a gift for a shower I wasn't able to go to--I usually just up what I was going to give as the wedding present). Wedding gift is another story. Not that I expect people to give me wedding gifts if I invited them  to the wedding, but if I'm invited to a wedding I send a gift.

nessi979

thanks for the responses, ladies!    maybe im too generous sometimes.   see!!  you should all invite me to your showers!  HA!!!

LolaPizzy

I think the general rule is that it's not required, but it's a nice thing to do if you are close to the person. I've sent gifts for every shower I couldn't attend except for one. That was a baby shower, and it was for the girlfriend of FI's friend who I didn't know very well. I really didn't feel obligated at all...I actually declined going to the shower precisely because I couldn't afford a gift and wasn't about to go empty handed. But for my close friends, I sent a gift without a second thought.

The majority of people who I invited to the shower that didn't come, didn't send a gift or card either. But my mom's friend who I've known since birth (call her an Aunt) gave a gift even though she couldn't attend, and my best friend from college who lives down south, and another close friend from college, both of whom couldn't attend, sent gifts and I thought it was all so sweet and thoughtful. But as for the people who didn't come (aunts and very close friends that live on the west coast) didn't send a gift or card and I didn't think anything of it. If we don't get nary a card for the wedding from those that can't attend, I might feel some type of way.