Very sad and need some advice - long

Erinkathleen84

let me start out by saying I hate the idea of fi going to a strip club. And he hates them too. We have gone together before but in almost 6 years of dating he has not gone except that time. I will also say fi is a very trustworthy, loyal and amazing man. Obviously why I'm marrying him.

Well he told me his friends took him to one at the end of his bachelor party. Even though he told them that is one place he did not feel comfortable going right before he's married. Well his friends are def the type that will do it anyway bc he's the bachelor. So that did not really bother me so bad because fi could not really change their minds.

What bothers me is that his friends had one of the girls come over to do a little "dance" for fi. He told me he felt so awful about it and it just made him so much more sure that i am the one for him because all he wanted to do was leave and come home to me. honestly I know fi and I know this was all his friends doing...so im really not mad at him. But I am so disgusted and feel embarrassed and horrible. I cannot stop thinking about it since he told me. I feel like i have been cheated on! I really do not know what to do.

I know a lot of girls see nothing wrong with this but I do. This is my almost husband and the thought of him having a half naked girl on him makes me so sad and sick, I cannot stop crying over it and fi feels so horrible. He wishes he never had a bachelor party. I'm just so unsure of what to do to get over this,
. I cannot even kiss fi right now or look forward to the wedding night ..... Help!

jtoly

Erin I'm story that happened. I would feel the same way! I hate strip clubs so much, they are nasty and the one by me is gross. The girls go in the back and "do things" behind closed curtains. Since you know it's totally not your FIs fault and he did tell you about it (some guys prob would not say anything) hopefully you can accept that it happened and move on. Although you feel like he cheated (I would feel that way too) he didn't so that should make this easier to let go. I'm not sure how long or what can be done to forget it happened. This Should be a happy time for you so try to let it go. If he physically cheated it would be a different story. I don't know really what to say to make you feel better because I truely believe I would feel the exact same way.

FaithCaitlin

I am so sorry. I'd be very upset too. 

The silver lining I see? Your FI didn't want to be there; he proved to you (yet again!) how amazing he is and how great of a guy he is. Of course, I still understand why you're upset. Honestly, I would try really hard to follow Jenn's advice and do your best to let it go. Easier said than done, I know. 

I wish I had a better advice. Sending pixie dust that you feel better ASAP!

HappyMaddie

Aww!! I would feel the same way! Listen to the pp and try and let it go, you deserve to happy and excited now, your wedding is so close!! Just think about all the details you have done that's going to make your day amazing! It will be okay, just really try to not think about it by thinking about your wedding! Maybe try and start packing your suitcase or wrote up a list of everything you need to bring!! Good Luck!

BMcLeodTeam

As the PPs said, there is nothing I can say really to make it better and am SO sorry that you're feeling this way. The big plus side I see here, as Faith said, is that he proved once more how much he cares for you. He didn't want to be there, he was honest with you about it... sounds like a keeper to me!

minionlover

I too would feel the same way.  My FI would not even tolerate going to the club.  I think that I would try to talk to FI about how you are feeling.  I don't think that I could keep that bottled up. 

Julyet06

sorry you are feeling this way :-(  just try and remember that you have his heart, mind and body all to yourself...he took a big step in telling you and that says a lot.  he's hoping that you can trust him and you should...i suppose he didn't go into much detail, if he didn't then perhaps in your mind it's much worse than what actually happened? 

Erinkathleen84

Thanks for the positive advice ladies...you guys always make me feel better. He definitely knows how I am feeling and it is making him feel so bad. Which I do not want him to feel bad either so it is just bad all around. I want us to be happy right now with the wedding being so close! I am going to try so hard to let it go and forget about it and know in my heart he did not mean bad by it, and that it will never happen again.

I guess I am kind of upset with his friends and Dad who planned the whole thing. FI specifically said that he did not want to do that and they did it anyway. They had to of known how crappy FI was going to feel about it and how crappy I was going to feel about it. I just wish FI woud grow some balls sometimes and tell his friends no! This is one of the big reasons he does not go out with them..because they are always up to no good ! Most of them are married and I just could not image my husband doing those things. GRRRRR.

kimmykupcakes

Sorry this is upsetting you so bad. I don't think I can offer anything else that the PPs haven't already. Hope you feel better soon.

venus909

Oh Erin... I can imagine how you feel...  I know I would probably feel the exact same way!  "Getting over" it is so much easier said than done.  But I think you are in the right frame of mind where you know he didn't do anything to hurt you and that he loves you so much that he wanted to be honest with you.  He obviously feels bad and feels guilty.

All the PPs gave great advice.  Try your hardest to remind yourself of all the reasons you love FI and why you are marrying him and hopefully that will fill your mind with happy thoughts and help you let this one go.

I'm sending vibes your way to speed up the healing process....

On a positive note, you are very lucky to have someone that is that open and honest with you.  I would imagine that most men would just not say anything at all.

stefwells23

I would feel the exact same way, and I know that my FI would feel the same way yours did/does. Like his friends, I know my FI's friends won't care what he says or what we would prefer to do ... they will plan their own thing and I am sure they will end up in the same place. It's hard to move past feelings of hurt, but like all the PP's, the fact that he was honest with you, and all he could think about was coming to you speaks volumes! The two of you are together for so many wonderful reasons, and although his friends and father caused you both this grief, try to focus on the reasons why you are together. This is a very special time in your life, try not to let the actions of others change that.

Sending you lots of knottie vibes, in hopes you will feel better soon!