To the old marrieds...

*tinkertoy*

does it really change anything?

I just said that I'm sure nothing is going to change in reference to getting my FI to decide on things.

But really, between us? Does anything change?? I can't imagine anything changing for the worse, that is for sure! Esp cause we already live together.

Thoughts?

(we won't share this with our fickly FIs!)

nubiannqween

I don't know if I fall into the "old marrieds" category yet, but people keep asking me how does it feel?...LOL...I always answer "Same as before!" I know its only been like 13 days but, so far, honestly everything feels like before we got married. 

One think happened which was different.  The morning after we were married, I woke up before DH and looked at him still sleep...and I thought to myself, "Wow, that's my husband!!"  LOL, I guess that was the first time I actually used the word husband in reference to him.

gabi829

So I've been married for less than 2 weeks, but I think it has improved our focus.  We make a lot more decisions together, and we think more about how we want our future to be and how we plan on getting there.

 Brad also helps out around the house a lot more.

kdoyle0620

I'm not married...obviously BUT I'll tell you how FI thinks its going change--
In his mind, once we are married I will no longer feel the need to "impress him" (Which, if he knew anything at all, I already don't do anymore lo. I am who I am!l). Then he also thinks women in general turn mean b/c they know they've got the man "hooked" and only a divorce can set him free...leading to fights where nobody wins b/c there is no fear from the woman that the man will leave...again, b/c he "stuck"...
Oooooh boy, I've got a big hill to climb with this one. Word of advice ladies--Keep your man away from divorce court shows!!!!

gabi829

Kate- He's being silly.  If he really thought like that, he wouldn't have proposed! 

But I still try to impress DH- mostly because it's fun.

aukelly

I was married before and nothing changed.  In my case things actually just got worse, hence I'm getting remarried.   

You can't change 'em.  Just know that before you get married and if you don't like it now you probably won't like it years from now.  But thats just my opinion.  But you also have to understand that marriage is give and take.  And I think as long as both parties are willing to give some and take some you can come to a happy medium. 

kdoyle0620

Gabi--LOL yes...he is WAY silly about that :-) I'm HOPING he really doesn't believe all that mumbo jumbo will happen to us...especially with our situation of being together since highschool and owning a home together...lol.
Yeah, maybe I should re-word the "impress" him to he doesn't want me to "let myself go"...lol. I don't work out almost everyday just for his sake, geeeeeze haha.

KristenCR

I joke with DH that it's dirty tees and sweatpants from hear on out.

but seriosly in my almost two weeks of marriage, I wouldn't say I expect it to change the day to day, but it was the little things, DH was ordering room service, and I told him I wanted desert, and he told the room service people " Oh, my wife just reminded me we want dessert"... it was the littlest thing, but it hit me.... I'm his wife, I almost got teary eyed.  We've been together 11 years before we got married so I don't expect anything to change that hasn't already, but I think we feel the need to keep it romantic and extend the 'newlywedness' as long as we can.

smilz4milz

DH and I lived together for 4 years before our DW.  We said nothing would change...how could it, we already shared everything...home, vehicles, bank acct...our hearts.  But something did change.  We've recently gone through a rough spell and have vowed to try harder.  What changed?  When did it change?  How did it change?  I really don't know...I just know that it did.  I've heard the first 2 years of marriage are challenging & difficult.  And though I never believed that would be us...it was.  We're back on top now and hopefully our vow to "try with all of might" keeps us up there too!  We'll never give up, we're just not that kind of people...but we got into a funk and I sure am glad that we talked through it.  ("Talking through it" was a good 2 weeks of not wanting to look at each other...not wanting to talk to each other..."talking" was loud...and involved lots of thinking of what to do with ourselves). 

dew3162

I can't say anything in our normal day has changed, but the feeling has chaged.  When I look at him, I see my husband and it gives me goosebumps all over.  Yesterday he introduced me to a client of his and it was the first time I heard him say, this is my Wife Denise and it sounded so darn good!!

SimplyMistaken

We were together for seven years before marrying.  For us not much has changed except now that we are settling in (three months married, WOW!!) we realize this is IT..now it's just the day to day..  We don't want children, so our life is pretty much what it will be..

That is fine, and we love each other-and wanted this-but it is just wierd too, you know? 

suzannepdc

Nope.  We lived together for 2 years before we got married and had been together 4.5 years.  We are still in the process of sharing our money more (since I watch Judge Judy - NOTHING was co-mingled unti we got married), but everything's the same - we just call each other husband and wife and then get sappy about that!

ChooGirl

He is permanently branded now-- by his wedding band. And it would be pretty expensive for him to trade me in for a newer model at this point. Other than that, he still leaves his socks on the floor and I still hog the blankets.

We've been together for 10 years, lived together for 8, and owned an apartment together for 6. I really believe that it only changes you if you let it. We swore that we wouldn't catch the disease-- you know, the one that single people make fun of? It turns once normal, social, couples into hermits who exclusively hang out with other "marrieds" and use the word "we" more than "I." Horrible disease. And highly contagious.

Marriage PSA: Do not become these people. Do not propagate the stereotype. Your single friends will mercilessly mock you.

sarlah

Rose you make me laugh! DH calls his wedding ring his brand, and if he isn't wearing it I'll ask him where his brand is.

Honestly there are things I thought were really important before we got married, that just aren't important anymore. It's hard to go into specifics because it's not always big things - it's a lot of smaller things too. We weren't together a long time before we got married, so I guess in some ways were were (& are) still getting to know each other. That's not as scary as it sounds. People are always changing.

When people ask me is marriage feels different from dating, I tell them no. Dh & I were already commited to each other. If anything I've found marriage to be way more fun than dating.

ashr16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_old-marrieds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:6a0e5493-4315-4f90-aab5-2c7d72506387Post:208846d9-c25e-4cd1-8e1f-d989c6adf5d3">Re: To the old marrieds...</a>:
[QUOTE]He is permanently branded now-- by his wedding band. And it would be pretty expensive for him to trade me in for a newer model at this point. Other than that, he still leaves his socks on the floor and I still hog the blankets. We've been together for 10 years, lived together for 8, and owned an apartment together for 6. I really believe that it only changes you if you let it. We swore that we wouldn't catch the disease-- you know, the one that single people make fun of? It turns once normal, social, couples into hermits who exclusively hang out with other "marrieds" and use the word "we" more than "I." Horrible disease. And highly contagious. Marriage PSA: Do not become these people. Do not propagate the stereotype. Your single friends will mercilessly mock you.
Posted by ChooGirl[/QUOTE]

Only Rose. Oh how I missed  you.

captainleela

Nope. Same old same old.

captainleela

And I love you Rose

caymans_christy

It isn't really "different", but it isn't really the same either.  We have been married for over 3 mo and the first month, it felt weird saying "husband".  But nothing else felt different.  But now, looking back and really thinking about it, yes, it is different. 

We talked a lot about money before we got married (or engaged for that matter).  So, the topic hasn't changed, but the mindset has.  It is real now.  I have to make these decisions WITH someone else.  Not just keeping someone else in mind while making the decision. 

Before the wedding, I would work ridiculous hours and now I am tapering off...  some of that is the summer months, but some is that I just want to be at home with my DH.  It doesn't really feel different, but it is kind of different.  I actually had this exact conversation with my BFF last night and she was saying the same thing.  I don't know if I am making sense or not...  Looking back, the "difference" is all good and makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but it is just slightly different.

My mom said that the day of the wedding, she saw my FI/DH around the pool and she said he looked "ready".  I think that is what I am talking about...  I didn't notice it in DH, but others did...  it is a difference, not bad, but enough of a change that looking back, I can see that things have shifted a bit.