Are we paying for her wedding?

Benny618

One friend is having a DW at an all-inclusive resort.  We have to pay for the all inclusive the entire time we are there, including the rehearsal dinner and the day of the wedding.   Some of my friends are annoyed about this and feel that we are paying for her wedding by doing this, and that we should not have to pay the all inclusive fee the day of her wedding. 

We looked into staying at a different resort, but the bride told us we would have to pay $100 per person the day of the wedding to attend.  This also obviously annoyed some people...

I was just curious how you DW brides felt about this and if it's normal?  Are we actually paying for a big part of her wedding?  I really have no idea and the topic between our friends keeps going back and forth.. especially when deciding if we should give gifts/how much to give.... thanks!

minionlover

No you are not paying for her wedding.

I am not getting married at an all-inclusive but did look into them.  If they are getting married at the type of resort that I looked into then the bride & groom are not only paying for their all-inclusive stay but also are paying for a rehearsal dinner AND reception for their guests.  It tends to be the norm.  Please don't be upset with her for the policies of the resort.

kimmykupcakes

When you get married at an AI, you usually don't have to pay anything to get married there since everything's included in the price of the day. Some couples decide to upgrade then they pay for that. Since you are staying at an AI, it already includes everything and the couple is not being charged therefore they doesn't have to pay for anyone to be there.  It's up to you if you decide to go or not.

When we had our DW we only paid for ppl's food and not any of their accommodations or travel. Just because the wedding you were invited to is at an AI, expecting for your accommodations to be paid that day goes above and beyond what most pay for DWs. Again, if you don't want to pay for your time at the AI, then don't go.

That being said, if you were to stay somewhere else, I do think it is the bride and groom's responsibility to pay for the day fee for you to attend the wedding. If they weren't having the wedding at an AI, they would be responsible to pay a cost per person. If someone it's able to stay at the AL, but makes other arrangements to attend the wedding, the bride and groom should be responsible for any fees as the AI on the day of the wedding for that guest attend.

nicolej518

Not by a long shot. We decided to do an all-inclusive because we felt it would be cheaper all around for guests. The times we have gone we drank and ate more than our money's worth! More than half of our guests are staying 1 week, and even if we covered the costs for what you mentioned, I feel like they were not going to find another hotel, pay for all of their food outside of the wedding events, and drinks for under the $500 per person for the week.

Also, as a DW bride, many of us were shocked that we had to pay additional for a reception, bar, rehearsal dinner, etc. I just asked if I could make arrangements for all of my guests for dinner the night before our wedding as a pseudo rehearsal dinner and they told me it would be $14.99 per person, even though we are at an all-inclusive resort. While some do offer some complimentary packages, there are a number of things not covered. The reception costs also seem to rival what you would find here in States suprisingly enough!

If you and your friends feel so strongly, and believe you can get a better price elsewhere then go for it. Did the couple get a group rate for everyone? Depending on the people going, some of the fun is everyone staying together. 

cevans11

I can't speak for other brides here, or if this is how your friend's wedding is, but this is how it is for me:

 Yes, if people choose to come, they have to pay for an all inclusive rate, including the night of my wedding. Basically, when you pay all inclusive, you are paying for your room, all your meals, and (at least at my resort) all your alcohol, as well as activities. For your entire stay. 

For my wedding, I am paying the resort to book a private room for my reception, to close off an area of the beach to other guests for my wedding ceremony, for a wedding coordinator, to arrange and pay for the officiant, a DJ, a wedding cake, all my flowers and other wedding related things. Yes, my guests are paying for their food and drink and rooms, like any other vacation.  No they're not paying for my wedding. 

Also, my resort is similar in that guests staying somewhere else have to pay for "pass" to come to the wedding. A day pass is usually about $60, but I think they offer a special wedding rate for like 10-15 bucks. I'm sure that just depends on the resort though. 

Erinkathleen84

It depends on the resort and which package they chose. But i think it's crazy that she's asking you to pay for the day pass for the wedding if you do not stay there ! Yikes!

Julyet06

Personally, FI and I can't afford to purchase day passes for any guests that choose not to stay at the resort...are we really wrong for going this route??  We are even trying to decide where to host a welcome get together b/c we have had guests say that our resort was out of their budget and we don't want to make them pay for two days of visiting us! (mind you the amount they are saving equals the price of the day pass for one day give or take a few dollars so it's really not worth it for them to stay at a different resort, but i'm over trying to explain that).  We have at least 10 people confirmed booked at a different hotel and more who verbally communicated that they are staying at a different hotel...we are already paying for a private dinner reception per person (at an All Inclusive resort) and will have to pay per person for an open bar (when we could all just get liquored up at one of the resort bars!

If the guests decide to not stay where the wedding is held, why should we be held accountable for paying their way into the resort? The cost of my private reception is way more than what Nicole quoted above! Sometimes I wish I knew all of this before we confirmed this resort but I don't dwell b/c it's done and I just want to move forward to have a nice wedding/reception w/o regrets...needless to say I have been trying to save every dollar that I can to put toward having a nice reception for us and for our guests...esp since they are paying not only to enter the resort, but just making the effort in flying out!

cevans11

If it were $100 for a pass to attend the wedding as non-guest at the resort, I probably wouldn't be able to afford it either. And really, when they're choosing to stay at a different all-inclusive because they don't want to "pay" for her wedding, I'd probably be less inclined. They'd be paying an all inclusive rate either way. 

I can't speak for this bride, but I booked a block of rooms at my resort, paid the deposit, and provided guests with all the information for booking. If guests choose to stay somewhere else, that's really their choice. There's a lot of mitigating factors, so I can really only speak to my situation, but our resort is one of the more affordable, and family friendly choices. I could understand if say, the wedding were at an expensive, adults only resort, and the guest wanted to vacation with their whole family. Or, if my block of rooms booked up, and they couldn't get a decent rate at our resort. In situations like that, I would do everything in my power to pay for the day passes. But they want to stay at a different resort to make sure they're not helping out the bride at all with the cost of her wedding. My advice would be to stay at the resort where the wedding is, and forego a gift. Most Destination brides aren't expecting anything anyway, because we are aware people are paying to come to celebrate with us. 

Benny618

I just want to clarify that the reason people are looking at other hotels is not because they don't want to pay for her wedding.  It's because it's cheaper to go somewhere that allows guests to NOT pay all inclusive fees.  But I appreciate your feedback!