Grumpy

niknik15

I'm hoping you ladies can help me get out of my funk. I really want to let this go, but it keeps bothering me.

Do you remember me telling you about how I had wanted to do the wine tasting for my bachelorette party, but then SIL and her friends changed it to a painting class, then went wine tasting without me a month before my bachelorette? Well SIL's friends have struck again. None of them went on the cruise because they said they didn't have enough money to go. Well this week their whole little crew flew down to Cayman. I didn't know anything about it till one of them posted a status on Facebook about leaving for Cayman. I'm hurt that they kept this from me and decided to do that instead. I guess we aren't as close as they lead me to believe every time I see them. I hate when people are two faced like that.

Also, my aunt and her family that has made my life hell during the planning process did pretty much the same thing. She told me that her family couldn't afford the trip, but then one of her daughter's took a trip the week before our wedding and the other one took a trip this week.

Has anyone else had this sort of thing happen to you? Am I being over-sensitive which my H tells me? I know everyone's vacation doesn't revolve around me, but I would like people to be honest with me rather than lying to me.

venus909

I'm going to chime in really quickly as I have a dentist appt in about 1/2 hour..lol

but this is exactly what I've been going through with my family and it does hurt!  about 85 or so ppl from my family were invited... only 6 are coming.  Some truly can't afford it, and I understand that.  But the others say they cant but have been traveling these past few weeks. One went to Cozumel, another Jamaica, one to Vegas.. and one said that she didn't want to go because she wanted to take her kids to a more family friendly vacation WTF?!?!  and a few others...  The only thing I keep telling myself is that one reason for doing a Destination wedding was because I wanted people there that really wanted to be there... obviously these people don't want to be there that bad... so I have to try to accept that... 

I know it doesn't take the hurt away... but now that I'm sure many of us have gone through or are going through the same.

What's even worse is when these people make comments like " I wish I could go" or "I wish we were going"... I just feel like saying.. "nothing stopped you!"

oh well!

I hope it gets better... FAST

minionlover

That's crappy.  I would be upset too.  I mean they pretty much lied right to your face about everything.  I think that I would have rather people just tell me that they don't really want to go on the cruise or that they were planning something else than lie to me that they can't afford it.  Or simply say, I can't afford it because I booked another trip.  Is it really that hard. 

In the end, I would try not to let it bother you too much.  I know its hard, (it would be hard for me too), but you can't let people like that get the best of you.  Just remember, what goes around comes around.

niknik15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_grumpy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:ce2b2d5c-e79f-4ba9-8436-02d9e7024636Post:caf1508d-246e-472b-8613-28c1cceb1763">Re: Grumpy</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to chime in really quickly as I have a dentist appt in about 1/2 hour..lol but this is exactly what I've been going through with my family and it does hurt!  about 85 or so ppl from my family were invited... only 6 are coming.  Some truly can't afford it, and I understand that.  But the others say they cant but have been traveling these past few weeks. One went to Cozumel, another Jamaica, one to Vegas.. and one said that she didn't want to go because she wanted to take her kids to a more family friendly vacation WTF?!?!  and a few others...  The only thing I keep telling myself is that one reason for doing a Destination wedding was because I wanted people there that really wanted to be there... obviously these people don't want to be there that bad... so I have to try to accept that...  I know it doesn't take the hurt away... but now that I'm sure many of us have gone through or are going through the same. What's even worse is when these people make comments like " I wish I could go" or "I wish we were going"... I just feel like saying.. "nothing stopped you!" oh well! I hope it gets better... FAST
Posted by venus909[/QUOTE]

Thanks Jen, I think that's just what I needed to hear. Her friends did do the 'I really wish we could go' thing and I almost told them that they could come just for the wedding and get off the boat because I felt so bad that they couldn't be there. Now I'm really glad I didn't go through with that.

Your right that the people who really wanted to be there were. We loved our cruise and everyone on it. It was an awesome trip.

Jen, I really hope you are happy with the turn out at your wedding. It's going to be gorgeous and we all love you and are here for you.

nicolej518

I usually have a big issue with stuff like that ....even before the wedding. I hate it when people cry broke and then choose to spend their money on random things. Complaining about paying bills, but their kids are overly spoiled, they have a ton of new clothes, excesive trips, etc. But FI keeps telling me not to worry about that. It is their money and what they choose to spend it on. It doesn't make me feel  better, but like Jen said, those that want to make an effort will. 

Have you talked to your SIL about it? Is that your brothers wife, or H's sister?

niknik15

It's H's sister. I haven't talked to her about it. It happened on Sunday and I was at her house Saturday night. I'm debating whether I should talk to her about it or not. I don't think anything can really come out of the situation but drama if I speak up. I don't want it to sound like I am being self-centered and I'm not sure how to phrase it without it sounding like that when I'm really just hurt and upset that they would lie to me like that.

stefwells23

This situation would really bother me as well. I am all about being honest and upfront, and if someone can't make it tell me the truth why you can't make it. I would have a problem not saying something personally, but there is also a time and place for it. If it really bothers you, and you can't let it go, it would be good to maybe ask her for coffee and just let her know that you were a little hurt that she wasn't honest about why she wasn't able to make the cruise.

Like Jen said,those who really want to be there will be... and they are the only ones that really matter

jtoly

Nikki I didn't know they went wine tasting after that. Wow. How rude to not even invite you. Obviously I didn't have the same situation but I'm finding where people make excuses for things or hide things just to not tell me. Bad friends! Honesty is the best policy. I certainly wouldn't do that to a friend.

Julyet06

What Nicole said below (in bold) i agree!!

It's one reason I am the way that I am...if I feel betrayed in the slightest by a "friend" I have no problems cutting that person out of my life.  Just be honest with me!! 

Nik- that was crazy what they did for your Bachelorette party...to change your shower and go to the activity without you is absolutely ridiculous!

I had a situation where I was hurt by a friend in almost the same way and I spoke to him about it (him and his wife, who I became friends with when they were dating) even though I had already planned on  "phasing them out" but they kept contacting me and I could tell they felt bad about the situation and wanted to keep me as a friend.  I've since let go of the grudge, but I still keep them at a "safe distance".  I think the point is that if you are honest in how you feel, you will be able to find out which ones are true to you and which ones not to concern yourself with.  At this point, what do you have to lose?  Hang in there :-)

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_grumpy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:ce2b2d5c-e79f-4ba9-8436-02d9e7024636Post:8040cc38-e097-4ef9-8a5b-093f83899d1a">Re: Grumpy</a>:
[QUOTE]I usually have a big issue with stuff like that ....even before the wedding. <strong>I hate it when people cry broke and then choose to spend their money on random things. Complaining about paying bills, but their kids are overly spoiled, they have a ton of new clothes, excesive trips, etc</strong>. But FI keeps telling me not to worry about that. It is their money and what they choose to spend it on. It doesn't make me feel  better, but like Jen said, those that want to make an effort will.  Have you talked to your SIL about it? Is that your brothers wife, or H's sister?
Posted by nicolej518[/QUOTE]

kimmykupcakes

This is a huge bummer. We have a couple friends pulling this carp. They said they were absolutely coming to the wedding. Then they said they were having enough time getting the funds to go. Then they went on a trip to Palm Springs. When they got back they said they were still planning on coming, but were trying to come up with the funds. I've now found out that they are going to San Diego now in Aug. Both of the things in Palm Springs and San Diego that they are going for are tiki conventions. We introduced them to tiki! Now they won't even return my texts or emails or anything to say it they are coming or not. The last time I tried contacting them I said I assumed they weren't coming because I'd heard nothing from them and I turned in our numbers for the reception not including them. Yeah, sometime ppl just aren't who you think they are. Those ppl don't need to be at your wedding anyway.

lorena224

I am sorry, and understand how you feel. MIL kept telling us what a financial burden this was for her but was taking all kinds of trips before and after our wedding that were planned after we told her of our DW. And she even kept asking us to take care of her dog while she was gone!

There were so many times H wanted to confront her about it, but I told him not to bother as it would go in one ear and out the other or she would twist it around so she was somehow a victim like always.

You just can't let these things bother you. You are getting married to the man you love and that's the most important thing regardless of how inconsiderate people are. And people who are that inconsiderate are usually that self absorbed that if you do say something you are often thought of as the one who is unreasonable.

Erinkathleen84

What nicole said and july outlined to a T. I hate that so much.