Had a breakdown this morning! Any advice on...

EmilyL113

STAYING on top of your $hit!  In every aspect of life....


I've always been a bit of a scatter brain, and I'm not the best at keeping the house all neat and tidy 24/7.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge slob, but there's soooo much room for improvement, and I'm well aware of this.  I'm bad about taking stuff out and not putting it back, taking 5 days to complete 2 loads of laundry, stuff like that...  I take it REALLY personally and get extremely offended when my FI says anything about the condition of the house.  He definitely never says anything demeaning and certainly doesn't mean to offend me, but just little comments here and there about how WE need to clean up (by we, I know he means me haha!).  So, I told him I had bought a Groupon a while ago for 3 cleaning sessions.  This morning, he randomly said, soooooo - any idea when you're gonna cash in on that cleaning groupon?  But, of course, I heard it as .... Emily, you have let this house get completely disgusting, you suck and life and are going to be the worst wife ever.  (((  I'm very hard on myself, I know!  I want more than anything to be like my bff who is just SOOO put together.  She never has a bunch of crap build up b/c, when there's something that needs to be done, she does it.  Right then and there!  I definitely put stuff off and forget about it...  I'm trying to get better, not just to please my FI, but to feel better about myself! 

So, that is my New Years Resolution!!!  I called my mom pretty upset this morning and she told me about this website that teaches you how to get de-cluttered in baby steps.  I thought it was pretty cool.  Just in case there are others out there like me, I thought I'd share!   

http://www.flylady.com/

Thanks for listening to me ramble!  Also - any advice on how you stay "put together" would be totally appreciated!!

minionlover

I don't know if I have any advice but you sound just like me!!  I do the same things that you do.  The only reason I get laundry done in one sitting is because we don't have a washer and dryer in our apartment.  If we did, I would probably have to rewash clothes because I left them in the washer too long or everything would be wrinkled because I didn't take it out of the dryer when it was done.

I also take things to heart just like you do.  When FI gives me constructive criticism on things, I hear you suck sometimes too.  I have started to tell myself, he's trying to help, just listen, he loves you and is try to make our life better.  It works but no all the time.  Deep breaths are always good.

I am going to ready through that site that you posted too.  I need to start de-cluttering too!!

BMcLeodTeam

I don't have any advice because that's TOTALLY our house! lol
Going to check out that link though, thanks for sharing

EmilyL113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_breakdown-this-morning-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:d1c0bd99-70f2-4b5d-8ef1-bc6d1b9bbbe8Post:d1187a19-1d22-44fa-8397-81158296ccaa">Re: Had a breakdown this morning! Any advice on...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if I have any advice but you sound just like me!!  I do the same things that you do.  The only reason I get laundry done in one sitting is because we don't have a washer and dryer in our apartment. <strong> If we did, I would probably have to rewash clothes because I left them in the washer too long or everything would be wrinkled because I didn't take it out of the dryer when it was done.</strong> I also take things to heart just like you do.  When FI gives me constructive criticism on things, I hear you suck sometimes too.  I have started to tell myself, he's trying to help, just listen, he loves you and is try to make our life better.  It works but no all the time.  Deep breaths are always good. I am going to ready through that site that you posted too.  I need to start de-cluttering too!!
Posted by Cathyl7910[/QUOTE]


This totally made me LOL!!!!!  The first time it happened, FI was like... hey, smell this shirt??  Does it smell funky to you?  I realized I had left it in the was too long before I put it in the dryer.  So now, if it's been in the washer more than a day or two, I re-run the cycle!  Wonder how much that adds to our water bill.  Oh and my drying cycles - I probably re-dry my clothes like 4 times before I finally take them out and fold them!!! 

Y'all are making me feel so much better!  I was sooo upset this morning.  Thanks for the smiles! :)

minionlover

I don't feel so alone that I am the only one who does these things!!

rmontpas

Actually you are making me feel better.  I am glad I am not alone in the letting clutter get away from me scenario.  And the laundry, that funky smell has definitely happened to me.
My FI never says anything but it embarrasses me.  I want to be one of those wives from the 50's who stayed home all day, cooking and cleaning and everything always looked perfect.  I can't afford to stay home but I think I would make a great stay at home wife!
The other day FI's dad called and said he was coming the next day for coffee and a visit. I wasn't going to be there, I would be at work but I still felt compelled to spend 3 hours wrapping presents and cleaning the house because I don't want his family to wonder what kind of lazy broad he is marrying.  I know it is all in my head and probably yours is partially in yours too but I can definitely understand how you are feeling.  Great find on the Group-on coupons.  That would be an amazing Christmas present.  I should of thought of that when my FI was asking instead of saying nothing!

loramarie03

I am awful at putting clothes away!! I actually worked on that this morning and it took me like 20 minutes just to put it away... ugh. That's part of my New Year's Resolution too... and to work on the clutter. That's one reason why I like moving every year because it forces you to get rid of it.

Thanks for the site -- definitely check it out!!

BMcLeodTeam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_breakdown-this-morning-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:d1c0bd99-70f2-4b5d-8ef1-bc6d1b9bbbe8Post:486a5c38-8f5d-41e6-becd-6e642401d08f">Re: Had a breakdown this morning! Any advice on...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and my drying cycles - I probably re-dry my clothes like 4 times before I finally take them out and fold them!!!  Posted by EmilyL113[/QUOTE]

That is SO totally me! I am pretty good for getting a load from washer to dryer, but if its the last load going through, it gets some quality time hanging out in the dryer! lol

Tanq&Tonic

Hahaha.  Not laughing at you, but with you.  Because I'm totally the same way.  What helps me is just biting off chewable chunks.  It's much easier to do 1 or 2 things a day than to carve out an entire day cleaning.  Keep a list, schedule time on your calendar to get through that list, and just stay focused.  Add things to the list as you remember.  I use an app on my phone called "Remember the Milk".  I have different lists for shopping, chores, and packing (eg, for an upcoming work trip).  I add to it any time something crosses my mind.

Unfortunately, there's just no cure for laziness.  The biggest motivation for me is knowing I'm going to be doing it at some point...just whether I want to do 1 thing now, 5 things on Friday, or 50 things once a month and waste an entire day cleaning...

Also, I've found that throwing things away helps.  I used to keep EVERYTHING.  Magazines.  Free trinkets from the cell phone store.  Whatever.  All it does is add clutter over the years.  Now I am brutal about throwing things out or donating them if I don't know I have a good use for them immediately.  That also helps cut down on clutter which later has to be put in a "good spot".

JennyP84

That is so me too. Sometimes though when the FI makes these comments I kind of flip and say you know you could take care of some of this stuff too.

kimmykupcakes

I do some of this stuff, too.  Not that I am not trying to stay on top of everything, but between work, wedding planning, restoring our house, being a mom and weekly cleaning, there are only so many hours in a day.  I'll be glad when the wedding planning is done and we are done with the house.  I can do the rest of the stuff no problem.  Good luck getting it all figured out.  Either way, I know you will be an awesome wife!

jtoly

My FI is you, I give little digs too, maybe I shouldn't. It's my fault that I'm like that cause exH wanted our house spotless. And I mean spotless. He once called me a worthless F because I left a clean pan on the stove instead of putting it away. I guess I became obsessive but am slowly going back to letting things go a bit. Anyhow, that doesn't mean you'll be a bad wife at all, just means there's not enough time in the day to do everything!

Erinkathleen84

Wow, that describes me to the T. I am so jealous of my girl friends who have squeaky clean homes...I just do not understand how they do it. We are definitely not messy ... but the baseboards are not getting cleaned every week either. I feel the same way when FI makes comments about the kitchen being messy or something. I know he is not saying I should clean it but it makes me feel like a really bad wife =(

I started designating Sunday's as my "clean day". I will do small cleanings everyday but do one major deep cleaning every Sunday.

And p.s. I LOVE when cleaning deals come on groupon/living social ! They always do such a better job ...................

saric83

: (  You are too hard on yourself!  There are just not enough hours in the day!

I'm totally a clutter-er, but I also hit the wall and clean like crazy when there's too much around.  So the main thing that keeps me sane is I have containers or whatever to put the crap in, and then on Sundays, I always try to actually go through and clean them out. 

So instead of pretending like I'm going to have the time/motivation to do all of the laundry, we have different baskets that hold our clean clothes, so if we don't have time to put them away, at least there's a place to throw them.  I also have an additional basket in our closet and bedroom to toss clean clothes that I tried on but ended up not wearing and didn't hang back up right away....I'm terrible at that!

It just doesn't seem quite as overwhelming to me when I can go basket by basket or container by container.  Bleh!  Stupid cleaning. 

EmilyL113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_breakdown-this-morning-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:d1c0bd99-70f2-4b5d-8ef1-bc6d1b9bbbe8Post:49890cb2-ec0c-499c-b0d2-ef428a43d818">Re: Had a breakdown this morning! Any advice on...</a>:
[QUOTE]: (  You are too hard on yourself!  There are just not enough hours in the day! I'm totally a clutter-er, but I also hit the wall and clean like crazy when there's too much around.  So the main thing that keeps me sane is I have containers or whatever to put the crap in, and then on Sundays, I always try to actually go through and clean them out.  So instead of pretending like I'm going to have the time/motivation to do all of the laundry, we have different baskets that hold our clean clothes, so if we don't have time to put them away, at least there's a place to throw them. <strong> I also have an additional basket in our closet and bedroom to toss clean clothes that I tried on but ended up not wearing and didn't hang back up right away....I'm terrible at that!</strong> It just doesn't seem quite as overwhelming to me when I can go basket by basket or container by container.  Bleh!  Stupid cleaning. 
Posted by saric83[/QUOTE]


GREAT IDEA!  I think I'm going to start implementing this!  That's what really gets me into trouble... I'll keep our room picked up and neat for 2 weeks, and then - BAM - one night we are going out and I'm in a rush to get ready, so I throw 20 outfits all over the place... then it's just a downward sprial... WAHHH!! :)

Sp2012

OP, my Fiance is in your situation.  I think you're too hard on yourself!  Yikes, I hope my fiance is nothing having your same thoughts when I comment on messiness!  Although I gotta say I do get really frustrated with it.

I had a spotless apartment when I lived alone, and I loved it.  Since I moved into F's place, I feel like I still have a 1 bedroom (the 2nd bedroom is full of all his clutter), but alas it's impossible to keep tidy.

Here's what I (used to) do to keep tidy, and it is time consuming:

I sit down once a week with all my week's accumulated paperwork - the receipts I've stuffed in my purse, etc, get review, log them, compare them to my online statements, and then shred.  My incoming mail gets reviewed - filed, shredded, recycled, or put in a pile for later review (this pile can get dangerous though)

Like Tanq said, keep no clutter!  When I get a new magazine, I sit down immediately with the previous month's, review & pull out pages, and take the old one in to work to pass on.

Clothes that don't need washing yet - pile together on one chair, but the basket idea is great too.

Dish washing - living alone I did as soon as dinner was finished, I had and still have no dishwashing machine.  This is impossible to do living with F... he waits DAYS until dishes are piled up everywhere... gets to the point where out counters for food prep are just cluttered and I'll refuse to cook dinner until he cleans it up and makes room for me to do so.

For me the main thing that helps is just learning not to procrastinate.  Often I'll think of something I need to remember to do before I leave home... and I've learned that unless I write it down or take care of it immediately I might just forget.... so I make sure I do that one thing right then and there and don't leave it till later... same concept for preventing "stuff" from accumulating!