Destination Weddings Discussions

Friend vent

So I've complained about one of my bfs before but I need some opinions on the outside. Me and my one friends used to me insepearable. We did everything together and always went out together. We have a large group of group of friends but me and her always seemed to click. She would never go out without asking me to go along and vice versa, if she was there I was there. Also, this group of friends is also exHs group of friends so things were a little different when we first separated. I didn't come around to parties a few times cause I started dating FI and exH was not happy abiut this. Then me and exH talked and moved past the awkwardness and were able to be friends so I started going to all parties again. My bf and I still went out but lately it seems like she's blowing me off. She went to a concert and never asked me to go, which we always went to concerts together. Most recently FI was going away for the Super Bowl and I asked her what she was doing cause I was gonna be alone and thought we could go to the bar and watch the game, she told me she was staying home, turns out she went to a party. Last week I asked her if her and her husband wanted to go watch our band (we used to follow this band cause they are our friends) and she told me no because she was going out for wings with two other couples from our group of friends. She never even asked if me and FI would like to come along. She was the one that set up FI and me so it's not like she doesn't like him. This morning one of my other friends in the group told me that she probably is didnt ask me because one of the guys that went is close to my exH so he would feel wierd hanging out with my FI. Wtf? It's been 4 years, let it go already. They tell me to bring FI out more when everyone goes out but when I did, nobody talked to FI cause exH was there. There was no issues but just nobody even bothered to have a convo with FI which is why I think going for wings with just a small group would be better so they can get to know FI more. I feel like I'm in high school. Am I expecting too much out of my friends or are they being ridiculous. Also, if my friends does something that she knows I would like to do but doesn't invite me along, she won't talk to me for a few days so then it's not brought up. I'm at the point where I feel like I need new friends to hang out with but I've been friends with most of these people for 15+ years. So is it me or is it them? Have a Monday morning drink for reading this stupid nonsense!
~jenn~ Photobucket Anniversary

Re: Friend vent

  • It definitely sounds high-school, but seriously, I don't think women ever outgrow pettiness.  LOL!  Ok, at this point in my life, I'm a fan of just being straight up in situations like this.  You said you guys are bff and have always clicked - then she should be open and honest when you confront her.  Be very polite about it, and make sure to use specific examples of these time that she's making you feel blown off/not included.  Just call her up and say... hey, this has been really been hurting my feelings lately and I just want to make sure I haven't done anything to upset you... I like to turn it around - like what have I done to deserve this?  I miss hanging out with you...etc.  Then, it's harder for them to get defensive.  Am I making sense now haha!?

    That's my two cents!  You deserve an answer as to why she's acting like this - go get it! :)
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  • That is a tough situation.  I don't have any helpful advice, but I like what Emily said.  Be upfront but try not to "accuse" her because she will probably naturally get defensive.

    I hope she is understanding, and if she's as close of a friend as you say she should be. 

    My feelings would be hurt too if I were you.
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  • I agree that they're acting childish.  I think you should be straight forward and ask her what's up.  Maybe say you're kind of hurt that you guys don't get to hang out as much. Good luck! My friends and I live in different places which I almost think is good cause they'd drive me nuts with stuff exactly like this, lol.

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  • I would be upset too. I agree with everyone else that you should just try to be upfront about it.
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  • Ya I'm gonna have to talk to her eventually about it because I just keep complaining to FI and then he feels bad and thinks its all his fault and it's not. These people are all close to being 40 and they act so immaturly! The thing is my friend never thinks she is wrong about anything. I have tried to tell her to see how she would feel. She has done some pretty shitty things to another friend of ours and now they don't talk at all and she still doesn't think she did anything wrong.
    ~jenn~ Photobucket Anniversary
  • I'm sorry you are going through this. I would be hurt, as well. Like everyone else said, you are just going to have to be upfront with her and put it all on the table. Let us know how it goes. 
  • =( be strong and like everyone said, ask her what's up.  Hopefully you guys can clear the air and get back to where you were.
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