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Destination Weddings Discussions

Another Wedding Nightmare

I've been laying in bed for the past 45 minutes after being woken up from a wedding nightmare. It's still really early here. Especially being a Saturday. Drew's sound a sleep and I don't want to wake him. Remember how I told you all about the latest with Drew's mom? And how we tried to compromise and told her she could give us a list of some additional family of her's distant cousins and close friends we'd already invited over 10 of her friends to the AHR? When Drew told her this he happened to mention that we had 20 invitations left. His mom said she had no where near that many ppl to invite. Yeah, right. He had asked her to get us those addresses right away since we'd already sent out the other save the dates months ago. Of course, she's been dragging her feet with them. Because that's what she does. Drew emailed her letting her know again we needed those addresses as soon as possible and to email them to me. Last night she calls saying she has too many to email and we have to go to his parents house and pick them up. What?She has too many to email? Are you kidding me? Too many to email? What is too many to email? This was left on Drew's voicemail since we were eating dinner when she called. I call her bluff on there being too many to email and figure she's planning the "I'm helpless and can't do anything on my own" stance she always plays to get ppl to help her. Like her refusal to learn how to attach a picture to an email so she can call Drew or his brother to come over and do it for her. Drew calls her back after we get home and finds out she's has a list of 19 addresses. Again, are you kidding me? What happened to family and close friends only? Since when is the neighbor who lives down the street who you never do anything this a close friend? Oh and you want the invitation to include their children and grand children? Of course that's not too many to email. She just doesn't want to do it. She tells Drew she wants when to come pick them up tomorrow now today when we are out and about. Even though she knows we are leaving early this morning for Seattle and that we are never "out and about" near their house. Drew tells her we won't be picking them up from her and if she doesn't want to email them then she can bring them over herself and leave them inside the screen door. He also reminds her that a list of 19 more invitations is not just family and close friends. Especially when you consider how many family and her friends we already invited. So early this morning I have this nightmare of our house being filled with all of these ppl we don't know. You can barely move. There's not enough food or drink. Ppl don't have anywhere to sit. All of these strange faces just keep getting closer and closer to us. I can't get out of this huge mass of strangers. I'm getting pushed down to the ground and they are all getting closer and closer. Then I wake up. I'm so glad we are having a DW. I'm so glad we don't have to have all of these additional ppl we don't know or love or care about at our wedding. However, they are now all being forced on us for the AHR. The AHR has now become everything we were scared the wedding would become if we got married at home. We wanted a small AHR to celebrate with close friends and family. Not whatever this has become. I'm so frustrated right now. And overwhelmed. And not even wanting to do an AHR anymore.

Re: Another Wedding Nightmare

  • OMG I'm so sorry Kimmy!! She sounds like she is awful. Do you think she'll be like this after you get married or is she just crazy about the wedding stuff? It's like she's just always trying to push your buttons and push her limits. So frustrating. Hopefully a lot of the people she wants to invite won't be able to make it anyways?! I mean if they don't know you that well, will they really want to travel for your AHR? 
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  • Grrr... Everytime I read your posts about your FMIL I get angry for you.... I just wanna hit her! lol
  • edited April 2012
    oh man, I'm so sorry =(

    remind her that she's paying for the additional people she's inviting and get the money up front.  She might want to revise her list before paying you guys.  I'm happy Drew put his foot down and told her you guys weren't coming to get the addresses.

    Tell her the AHR has been cancelled and have it in secret ;)
  • Oh, she is always like this! I know you all wish you could be so lucky. Drew and I plan on going through the list of adresses and cutting some ppl. Like that neighbor. Of course, Drew will tell her who we cut when we send out the invitations. Sorry, we thought we had more invitations, guess not. He also already told her to stop taking about the wedding with every person she's ever had contact in her life because it's rude and they aren't invited. Britt is now officially invited so that woman can get a smack down.
  • I am SO onboard for a smackdown! Come on, beating people up is what I did for a living for YEARS!!! Well... teaching people to beat up people as well, but same dif :P
  • jtolyjtoly member
    2500 Comments
    edited April 2012
    I'm good at shoulder blocking so nobody will be pushing you to the ground!! I can't believe her, well actually I can and I dint even know her. Keep an ice scraper ready!!
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  • dianalynmdianalynm member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited April 2012
    I don't post on the DW board that often, but sometimes the Hawaii board gets no action. Hehe... But, I am so sorry about your situation, Kimmy! I totally know how you feel. My FMIL is very difficult to deal with sometimes. It's always her way and that's it. She's never open to other people's opinions and she's very stubborn. There are so many things I want to say to her, but of course I don't. But like Drew, my FI does put his foot down with her, so oftentimes I don't even have to say anything, which is nice, but I think strength in numbers works in this situation. I just don't want to offend anyone--mainly my FI--if I were to say something to her. I think the best we can do is just vent and hope that others listen and provide support. I know that for my FMIL, she will never change the way that she is, so I just have to deal with it. Oftentimes I just tune her out...haha.
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  • jtolyjtoly member
    2500 Comments
    You should post here more often! We are fun. Hope your trip is going well!
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  • I was going to suggest what you said Drew is going to do. When we were originally planning our wedding here, FI asked his mom for a list (she just referred him to his brother's list from a few years ago so that was super easy), and FI took a red pen and started crossing off names of people he didn't recognize and hadn't seen in years.

    Don't stress out over it. Send out those invites that you and Drew are comfortable with, tell her which ones were sent, and get the money. 
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  • kimmykupcakeskimmykupcakes member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2012
    We are amazing fun! AND this is where all the Hawaii brides really vent, too. As you can see I am today. 

    Drew's parents are now paying for all of the drinks. Alcoholic and non-alcoholic. I'm making a list of everything that's needed and Drew and his mom are going to go by it all. If she doesn't follow through, I will not buy any drinks and when guests ask where the drinks are I will point them in her direction to ask her. :) 
  • Hehehe. FI and I discussed that option since one of his aunts offered to help pay for our wedding, but we declined. He did say, though, that if we really had them "help" we'd have them pay for, like what Drew's parents are doing, drinks or food. So that if there's a guest complaint, we can direct them to the people who are responsible. Haha... But, we decided to pay for everything ourselves in order to say, "It's our wedding, we can do whatever we want" and truly not get flack for it. One ex: In Filipino culture, there are sponsors (primary and secondary). These people give you more money or whatever than the other guests. We didn't see the point, so we decided not to do it. Our moms gave us crap for a while, but then just gave up. Hehe. Jenn--I think I will! Hehe. Trip is going well. Last day, today. :( So sad to go back to reality...
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  • I'm going to second the others about posting on this board, the girls are AWESOME :) Love them all!
  • kimmykupcakeskimmykupcakes member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2012
    We were paying for everything up until last week when his mom pulled on us that she was planning her own reception for the ppl she wanted there that we didn't invite. The weekend we got back from Maui. Before our own AHR. I almost lost it. I refused to do it. To compromise a moment of insanity we told his mom we still had a few invitations left and she could invite a few of her cousins and other close friends that we didn't already invite if they paid for all the drinks. I would have never suggested it, but Drew got laid off for the whole winter and we are behind on our wedding budget. Stupid!
  • So sorry, Kimmy! That must be so tough. :( I wish weddings weren't always associated with drama!
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