Why do brides on other boards hate this?

cevans11

I keep reading opinions on other boards about how getting legally married before your destination wedding is "deceitful" and "rude" to do to your guests. My FI and I are doing this, and I know some other brides on this board are too. For us, it just makes sense to do the legal thing here in the States, as there are hoops to jump through, and this simplifies stuff for us. In our opinion, our wedding day in Mexico is when we're standing up in front of our family, friends, and God to declare our intent to spend the rest of our lives together. THAT'S when we'll actually be married. Signing the marriage certificate just makes it legal in the eyes of the government. 

Sorry for the long rant, it's just been bugging me to keep reading opinions in this vein, and I thought that I might get some less snotty opinions on this board. Has anyone run into that opinion in the real world? 

Julyet06

It's not rude at all!  Some people look down their noses at things they don't understand...that's what's rude!  Sometimes it's the only way to go, esp for countries with strict requirements/outrageous fees on making the marriage a legally recognized one.  Although I am one bride waiting to get legally married at the destination (although with all of you getting married before I am getting a bit jealous lol!)  I totally understand why you would get married at home legally!  And there is no need to tell your guests esp since your "symbolic" ceremony is the real thing in your heart!  As a matter of fact, a friend of mine who had her wedding here in the states was legally married about 1 month before her ceremony, but she and her husband celebrate the day they were married before God...so it's not only us DW brides that do it :-p

Also, it's easy for people behind a computer and a screen name to be snarky and try to make you feel like crap for choosing to do certain things.

Let's just forget about them and enjoy a toast to DW brides being the BEST!

minionlover

I don't see a problem with it but FI and I did not want to do it that way. We wanted to get legally married at our destination. That is one reason why we picked Florida as our destination. What I don't always agree with is people getting married in secret for months or even years and then having a huge "wedding" while pretending that you aren't married. I think that is deceitful. If you want a huge wedding, why not wait? I know that there are certain circumstances where people get married because of the military or health benefit needs but don't keep it a secret. Tell everyone and have a big anniversary party or something. Getting off my soap box now.

Julyet06

I agree Cathy...doing it that way is deceitful.  What's the big secret anyway?  I'd be happy to tell everyone I got married but we are having the wedding a year from now...that was almost our original plan b/c we didn't want to wait lol!  but we decided to enjoy our engagement :-)

Jules1112

That's why I stick to this board. We're cool and they suck. I agree with Cathy, about nig weddings and lying to people, but getting you're license like you're saying right before going to avoid international complications is just one less stress, and yes, the marriage in my eyes will begin when you exchange vows and stand up before everyone to declare your love! I'm doing the same as you... And like Nicole said-some people just can't accept what they don't believe in or understand. Screw them- just stick around here!

Meg&Austin

I agree it is not wrong. Granted we are getting married at Our destination. The Dominicans requirements are absolutly ridiculous but FI wants to do it so well do it!! I have stopped posting on other boards because of opinions against a destination wedding. It's what we want who cares where we get married!!

Britj1030

My FI and I went to the courthouse and applied on the 13th and our marriage has officially started today! Granted our wedding is only about 2 months away...I think that it is all up to you. People will always have their opinions. I rather save the hundreds of dollars not applying in St. Thomas and use it for other things )) However, I do think that it is cool to get married at location, if it works for you......All my guest are excited about celebrating the marriage, hearing our vows,exchanging rings and enjoying the caribbean. Every woman deserves her dream wedding, even if it is symbolic.

tiny speck

I get that it makes sense sometimes to just get legally married beforehand because of all the rules and regulations in other countries, but from a guest's perspective, I think some people's favourite part of going to a wedding is actually witnessing the marriage-- vows, rings, and signing the papers. I'll admit I'd be slightly disappointed to travel to a wedding and not actually be able to see the bride and groom get married, but I'd still enjoy the party! (unless the DW was a religious wedding and they got legally married beforehand, since a religious wedding has a different meaning)

I'm not judging anyone who does choose to go this route, but I guess I just wanted to play devil's advocate-- why some people think about it the way they do.

cevans11

I guess I just don't really get why the legal aspect is so important to people. I'm thinking back to all the wedding's I've been to recently, and I don't think I've ever even noticed the signing of the marriage certificate. Maybe it's a southern thing, but most weddings I go to the bride and groom sign the certificate after the wedding, with the officiant, and witnesses, while most of the guests head to the reception/cocktail hour. 

If I attended a friend's wedding and found out it wasn't when they actually got legally married, I really don't think it would bother me. As long as they don't have two parties, or expect me to celebrate with them twice, or anything. 

I appreciate all the non-snarky insight though. This is definitely the best board

Erinkathleen84

We got legally married right before we left for Costa Rica. It did not change anything about our ceremony or how our guests thought. We did not tell anyone that we were already legally married because it did not matter. If anyone asked of course we would not blatantly lie to them, but no one did. All of the people that came to our wedding were very awesome and understanding and would not have given two s*its if we made it "legal" in the US or made it "legal" in Costa. The legal part of it did not MATTER. It was just paperwork. A wedding should not be about this !!!

Maybe those other people think as their marriage as a legality so that is why they are backlashing at you. But your marriage is not going to be exaclty the same as theirs. Do what is right for you