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Dropping a Bridesmaid?

Well in my case 2. I have two cousins that I asked to be in our wedding in Feb of 2007 right after we had got engaged. I only asked them because I had no other females that I was close to at the time and at one point in my life I was close to each of my cousins. So now that its getting closer to the wedding I relize that I don't ever talk to either of them other than maybe once a year and maybe an occasional text message. I have females that I'm closer to now that I would rather in the wedding. I don't want people I never talk to in the wedding! Also I went camping in june with family and one of them was there, total disaster! FI and I can't even stand her, if she wasn't family I would never talk to her again! Anyways, what do I do, how do I say it, or e-mail it ect? I need your help ladies.

Re: Dropping a Bridesmaid?

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    sm23sm23 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is probably not what you want to hear, but there's really no nice/polite way to dump a bridesmaid. I think there are some extreme circumstances under which it's acceptable to "un-ask," but in my opinion, this is not one of those situations. I also think you will get a lot of crap from family for doing this, and people will not forget that this happened.Frankly, I think you should suck it up and keep her as a bridesmaid - you don't have to involve her a ton in the planning. You never know - maybe she feels the same way about you guys drifting apart and once things get more serious with BM dresses and such, she will drop out on her own?It doesn't matter much now, but this is exactly why I think it's best not to ask people to be in your bridal party until the wedding is a bit closer. Things happen/change over time...Good luck.
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    edited December 2011
    A friend of mine dropped a bridesmaid/best friend and it was kind of a disaster. Almost everyone (guests) noticed and asked about it and it was a bigger drama and frankly made the bride look like a B****. Even my mom thinks it was a shady move and I know her friends were talking about wedding stuff behind the brides back. I know its hard but you can explain to her that her actions were not favorable and you do not wish to have her as your bridesmaid and explain why. She will be angry for sure but if you are ready to dish it out there before the wedding then go for it, but be prepared for some backlash with other friends/family of that girl. You can always add more bridesmaids when it comes to the other girls that you are closer to and have the cousin have a lesser role since she is not involved to begin with. Or ask her flat out if she is still interested...If she doesn't talk to you already then maybe she forgot or would think nothing of it. Sometimes you never know unless you ask. But yeah don't e-mail, things usually don't come out right through e-mail.
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    edited December 2011
    Can you have two bridesmaids (cousins) and two maids of honor (friends)?Its okay to have an uneven bridal party - I did. I think my pictures turned out fine. As for the bridesmaid you don't like, just ignore her until the wedding. Maybe it will all blow over.
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    adgenyaadgenya member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto SM23. She may be a pain, but you really need to suck it up and deal with it. Un-asking her would cause a lot of drama. I'd still ask your two close friends and just have 4 bridesmaids. Who knows, maybe your cousin will drop out herself.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with SM23 a thousand percent. Good luck.  I know it sucks, but this is one of those things (I think) that maybe you can learn from and advice to pass on to other brides - wait awhile to ask, be sure of who you ask.  B/c really...there is no acceptable way to do this and very, very few acceptable "reasons."  :(
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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    edited December 2011
    knina - i have the same issue with a female cousin.  i was never ever close to her but i asked her because i thought it would make my dad's side happy & i think they assumed she would be one.  but now she is really, really  starting to irritate me and i want to drop her so badly.  my sister (MOH) doesn't like her either and thinks i can simply unask her -- especially since one of my FI's GM can't make it to the wedding and the BP will be uneven.  but i'm not sure if this is a good enough excuse.maybe we both have to suck it up or suffer the backlash from family!
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe my family structure is different, but I don't agree with what some of the girls are says "suck it up". No, you don't have you. It is your day, you do not need to be worrying about the behavior of a bridesmaid or be surrounded by negative energy. Have you brought this issue up with your parents? What are their views. Does the family know the actual reason why you chose your cousins. And if so, then as "family" they should be thrilled you have bonded with these new women and will understand to have them by your side during you wedding.We don't know your family structure, so if you know your family is a "drama" family, then the best idea is what anglyn said, keep them as the brides maids, but use your new friends as maids of honor and keep them at your sides for support. Let them in on your concern, they should be your guardians as good maids of honor should be making your day perfect.If your family is not a "drama" family and your parents understand and agree with you, then your family will understand your wants, its your day, and you need to be surrounded by positive people that you are excited to share this day with.Yes, family is family. We don't get to pick them. But we don't have to walk around egg shells when they don't. If they don't like it, its their problem. Families need to be understanding and cooperative on both sides. Sorry so long,  family stuff always gets me heated.
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    kninaknina member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So I'm thinking I'm gonna suck it up, I don't want anymore drama in wedding planning than there needs to be. I should of thought about it way more when I chose my WP and I definatly regret it. But my fingers are crossed that maybe they feel the same way and it will solve itself. Thank you ladies
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