Vent - My Mother's Chaos - a bit long...

suzeqzee

So, invitations have been out since September 3rd.  The last day to RSVP is October 3.  Counts are due to the caterer by October 7.We have been very clear with my mom that the venue will only hold 75 people - we are not counting kids under 5 in this total.As of right now we are up to 63 confirmed attendees with another potential 30 outstanding (of those we epxect about 15).Last night my mom calls me and says "I want you to invite your aunt and uncle xxxx."  We had already discussed this extensively before the invites went out. Cousins XXXX didn't invite me to their weddings, my dad had a failed business relationship with uncle xxxx and they haven't gotten along since.  We already agreed on this.  I like my cousins, but there is a limited amount of space.So my mom says "well, I'd like to send them an invitation."  Actually, I'd like to as well.  One of my cousins enlisted their help for a killer bridal shower, but it was with the knowledge that there might not be space for everyone.  I know that's a bit awkward, but it's a small venue.  I adore my cousins and I'm happy to be back in touch with them after all these years.The question is - how do I handle my mom?  I honestly do not have the time or emotional energy to deal with this.  I don't even have time to be writing this down except that it's bugging the crap out of me.  I suggested to her that if she wants to invite them, she call them and tell them.  I don't have time to re-do the RSVP cards with a different date.  Of course, she didn't want to call them because she hasn't talked to them (except at my bridal shower) for over 15 years.Anyone?  I think I'm going to insist that she call them.  Tell them that some space has opened up (5 of her family members already negatively RSVP'd) and she'd like them to come.  Any other ideas?

hmschults

Im a little confused if you already have 63 with a probable 15 more...this would give you 78. You said your venue would only hold 75...how do you have extra space?? If I read this wrong and you do actuelly have extra space send them and invite and have your mom call them.

jackelbride

I would just call. It's way to late to send an invitation.

hmschults

Yeah, personally I would just call, but sometimes parents are strange about wanting them to have an actuel invitation.I had this happen with random people that his mom couldn't believe that we didn't send one too (ummm they weren't on your guest list) Family dynamics can be a real pain for events like this

jackelbride

Tell me about it. We have all our RSVPs back (our due date is tomorrow) because my mom has been hounding everyone! She calls me at least 3 times a day, FI every other day, and his mom twice a week... "remember to call so and so and get their RSVP"It's so annoying that I called her about something that happened to my friend -- unrelated to the wedding -- and her ONLY response: "So is she coming to the wedding or not?"AGHHH! But it's seriously the 30th... the actual invitation is just an afterthought now.

jackelbride

Duh. Our RSVP due date is today! We got the last rsvp response yesterday.OMG! Holly you are getting married in the blink of an eye!

suzeqzee

well, I told her the venue would only hold 75 because that's where we are trying to keep it.  It will technically hold more and it's a cocktail party type of thing, so I don't have to worry about tables and seating (thank goodness).I talked to my wonderful SIL and she agreed with me that since my parents are footing the bill, I have to invite everyone.  Even the late-comers.I'm thinking now that I'll call them and tell them their invitation was returned but that they are invited if they'd like to come.  Unfortunately, that lie will fall to me because I don't think my mom will do it.The cousins, I'll have to invite them too, but they are less likely to come except for one.  I think I can be honest with them and say that some space opened up and they are welcome to join us.I have to keep reminding myself that I already made an agreement (with myself) that since parents are paying they can invite whomever they want.  It's just really frustrating to have to do this at this time.Calling is a good idea though...does that lie sound too transparent?  Your invitation was returned to us and we wanted to let you know you were invited?

suzeqzee

Jackel - you are two weeks and two days and we are three weeks and three days - ha! 

jackelbride

Ack! I have a hard time lying so I usually tell the truth in the most endearing way possible. I would say something about how you had a very limited guest list but now that it's opened up they were the first ones you thought of!But if you feel comfortable saying the invite was lost then it's not horribly unbelievable.

hmschults

I did a couple of each..co-workers I just told that some space opened up..closer friends I said.."oh I can't believe that you never got one, I was waiting back to get your address and I should have followed up..I would love to see you there" We had people decide that they couldn't get work off after they had RSVP'd yes and we had submitted our final numbers..Ruthie..I know we went and got our marriage license today!! I am at the point where I feel naueseus 99% of the day. Can't tell my friends/coworkers though because most of them just comment "see this is why I didn't/don't want to have a big wedding" and then I just want to punch them in the face ; ) joking.. kind of..So when people ask if I'm nervous I put on a big smile and say "Not about getting married."

jackelbride

I'm nervous all the time. I can barely focus enough to get my job done. It's horrible!

jackelbride

99% of the people that I work with/for are men. So either their wives were strapped with the planning or they aren't getting married anytime soon.They don't get it!