Not sure where to post this or if its even appropriate but I thought maybe everyone here would understand.
My MIL to be just passed away Tuesday morning. Her and I were so very close. James and I have been together for over 6 years, have a 2 yo daughter together and Mom made sure every moment I knew I was family. She made sure that my 15 yo daughter knew she was family too. She was the matriarch of the family. Every Stayton woman was compared to her.
Her and pop (her husband of 47 years) have been on James and I even before we got pregnant with Bella to get married. And she was so very excited hearing about all of the plans we were making for the wedding, seeing the pictures of my wedding dress, Bella's flower girl dress, of the venue that we picked because we knew how much mom would love it there. (we moved the wedding from tahoe to the bay area because the elevation at tahoe would be too much for her and she would need her oxygen all the time, which i knew she hated being on in front of people, and her enjoyment and comfort for that day was more important that anything. We were going to drive her out to the venue when they came down from Oregon for thanksgiving so she could at least see the outside, but she wasn't up for the drive.
I miss her so much. I think about the wedding and all I can think about anymore is how she won't be there. How she won't be in the bridal suite with us helping me get dress, how she will miss her son getting married, everything. Continuing with the planning just feels so different now but I know she would want us to. She wanted more than anything for James and I to finally be married.
One of the things I was doing specifically so she would have something of her own to help me with was registering at Macy's. Mom LOVED Macy's. I had been putting off setting up the registry but when I got to work Tuesday morning I saw an email from Macy's about their registry so I took a few moments and set it up looking forward to mom coming down and her and I going to the store and her helping me pick out things, just her and I. It was about 45 minutes later that I got the call from James saying she passed. In fact James was actually at the venue giving them the deposit and the contract and he says right after he handed them the envelope pop started calling him.
There have been little things since tuesday, like when we went up to help pop with things and caitlyn and I were cleaning the house up I found this simple small circle of blue beads hanging on the end of a towel rod. I caught it out of the corner of my eye and immediately thought I wanted that in my bouquet so I had mom with me. I had been looking for a simple pearl bracelet to wear on our wedding day but hadn't found anything. Last night after we got home caitlyn brought me a jewelry box with a beautiful pearl bracelet that mom had given her last spring when she went up for a visit and it fit perfectly.
I know she is in a better place, I know she is no longer in pain, and she is looking down on her family smiling that her son is happy, but it is so hard knowing she is not here anymore.
Sorry for the long post. I needed that.
Dara