July 2012 Weddings
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Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight


My mom and dad recently have made some really rude and mean comments to me about them wanting me to look my best on my wedding day and saying things such as "Make sure you work out today" "Maybe you should go on a liquid diet for the next 2 months" "Better work your arms" "We don't want you to have back fat" and they have really hurt me. I'm not a whale or anything by any means, but I would like to tone up a little and drop a few lbs before the wedding. Do my parents think that I don't want to look my best on my wedding day too? Hearing them say those things to me wants to take a picture of me cramming a big mac in my mouth and send it to them. I 've watched what I've been eating the last few months and have done fairly well and I definitely don't eat fast food. I told my FI this and he was pissed they are saying those things to me. Is anyone else having pressure put on them by their parents to look a certain way by the wedding?
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Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight

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    That's just plain rude. No, that's mean, actually. Please talk to your parents and tell them how it's really hurting your feelings and it doesn't help with your self confidence. Heck it'd make me feel awful about myself. They should not even be saying anything at all. It's your body and you know what you're doing. It's none of their business.

    I'm angry, but you could say something like that back to them. Tell your mom "you really need to work on your arms, they look quite flabby, I wouldn't want you to look awful for the pictures" "Dad, you need to start running, or you won't fit in your tux".

    Just TELL them how you feel and that you'd like for them to STOP saying anything.

    Just so you know, you'll be beautiful on your wedding day (before and after!) and you know what you are doing. You'll be totally fine, you don't need anyone telling you what to do.
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    Welcome to my entire life.

    Last night during the meeting with the woman designing my bouquets, my mom told her that my bouquet has to be "large enough so that it doesn't make her look any bigger than she already is."

    Cool, thanks, mom.

    You can't take it personally... half the time they think they are being helpful.  I've seen the pictures you posted from your shower and you have nothing to worry about.  Just nod and smile at them.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_parents-making-rude-comments-to-encourage-me-to-lose-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:6e47f048-489b-4bf4-b827-9dd8fd7ce5b7Post:55e24106-9634-437a-8260-a5d18a8f89e5">Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight</a>:
    [QUOTE]Welcome to my entire life. Last night during the meeting with the woman designing my bouquets, my mom told her that my bouquet has to be "large enough so that it doesn't make her look any bigger than she already is." Cool, thanks, mom. You can't take it personally... half the time they think they are being helpful.  I've seen the pictures you posted from your shower and you have nothing to worry about.  Just nod and smile at them.
    Posted by k8888[/QUOTE]

    Wow, I am livid just reading this. I can't believe some of you are going through this! This is NOT appropriate. My parents have always been careful regarding comments about body images and have never said anything. I remember when I gained like 25 lbs and I looked awful- my dad made one comment and it was "you haven't been exercising for a while, it's good if you keep on exercising" and that was all. It kind of stung, and I can't picture what you both are feeling. SO RUDE!!!

    But you're right- don't take it personally (as hard as it may sound). I guess some people are more sensitive than others. I would make a snide comment right back at them and cry.
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    I did feel that way at first.  My mom was like why don't you order a dress size down since you plan on losing weight.  I told her no that it is not a guarantee and that I am ordering the size I am.  Her and my cousin always talked about how they were losing weight while I wasn't and it made me feel like crap about myself.  My cousin had a baby in august and she is skinnier then me.  But I know she barely eats any food.  And I love food way too much.  I would rather look the way I do and eat like a normal person!!  It really upset me when the 3 of us were together all they would talk about was weight loss and it drove me insane.  I have finally lost some weight but I am not where I want to be.  But I refuse to let that get me down.  Our FI's are marrying us for who we are not the person who starved herself to lose 25lbs for her wedding that she will put right back on during the HM.

    If you want to lose weight do it for yourself and not b/c you feel pressured into it.  I am sorry your parents are acting the way they are.
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    lvissers, you are incredibly beautiful and what your parents are saying to you is hurtful and rude and COMPLETELY untrue. I agree with mekiakoo that you need to tell them how they are making you feel, I am also angry about it right now (and I am sure you are too!) So I bet it would be best if you cooled down before speaking up.

    While I have toned up a little bit the last month or two (or at least have been trying to!) and I have lost maybe an inch around my waist, I haven't lost any weight to speak of.  One of my bridesmaids told me I was getting too skinny and was really rude about it, she actually posted all over my facebook about how she wanted to pour lard into my veins to make me look healthy on my wedding day. She thought it was funny but I thought it was really offensive, since it really isn't true at all, and everyone saw it. People just have no common sense, no one should ever comment on anyone else's body, unless it is a compliment, or it is my fiance wanting to talk about my boobs (which he pretty much does every day).
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    Holy sh!t! That is totally rude and uncalled for IMO. I would feel terrible about myself if my parents said that to me. Hell, I feel like crap when I walk into my mom's and she says I look tired for god's sake. I'm sorry they're being so awful and making you feel bad. I would definitely say something to them and put a stop to that behavior immediately.
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    Exactly, I love food too much to starve. I'm sure our FIs would rather us to enjoy food with them!

    Again, I know we all are smart women and we know how to take care of ourselves, we know what we need to do in order to be healthy. Nothing else matters.
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    edited May 2012

    Unfortunately, I've been dealing with the same thing from my mother. My mom has a pretty poor body image, and I definitely got the same issues from her. We were both ballet dancers, although she was never professional and I was. I've been dealing with body image issues since I was probably 10 years old and she really doesn't help.

    She makes comments like "Well, all brides lose weight before their wedding because of the stress! So don't worry, you'll be skinnier and look much better on your wedding day." and "Well, I was REALLY skinny at my wedding - I was only 90 lbs!" and "All brides must diet before their wedding . . . so you'll be getting a salad?" I must have heard these comments about 2349587345 times. I am a small girl, but I am definitely the heaviest I've ever been right now. I am working insane hours and barely have time to sleep, let alone work out. I also can absolutely never get to yoga anymore, which is the only thing that I think makes me look ok. I eat pretty well, but that can only account for some of it and I do really need to tone up.

    It also didn't help when my fiance said "Well, those fries were pretty unnecessary" when I ate a handful of fries this weekend. THEN he's like "Well, you don't need to lose weight, you just need to tone." Thanks, bud. Don't you think I know that? He also grabs my butt all the time which I think is really rude because it's just grabbing the portion of my body about which I'm very uncomfortable, and I've told him that a billion times that it makes me really self conscious.
     
    Anyway, I'm sorry you're dealing with this too and ditto the others - you look fantastic in those photos from your shower, so your parents are clearly on crack.

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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It's terrible.

    I haven't had to deal with any comments about my weight, but I have about my nose.  My mom and my brother have gotten nose jobs in the past and I keep hearing that I should have before my wedding. I have a small bump on my nose from my profile view and it's always bothered me. My mom has taken me to a few plastic surgeons in the past but I have always chickened out because I've never had surgery before.  I'm always preaching to everyone that everyone's beautiful the way they are so I decided last year I'd feel like a hypocrite going through with it. Needless to say, my mom keeps making comments how "You should have had it done before the wedding". UGH.


    By the way, you look great in the photos I've seen so they are crazy!

    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_parents-making-rude-comments-to-encourage-me-to-lose-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:6e47f048-489b-4bf4-b827-9dd8fd7ce5b7Post:9dd96209-c1bc-48e6-b6de-98c69c469151">Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It's terrible. I haven't had to deal with any comments about my weight, but I have about my nose.  My mom and my brother have gotten nose jobs in the past and I keep hearing that I should have before my wedding. I have a small bump on my nose from my profile view and it's always bothered me. My mom has taken me to a few plastic surgeons in the past but I have always chickened out because I've never had surgery before.  I'm always preaching to everyone that everyone's beautiful the way they are so I decided last year I'd feel like a hypocrite going through with it. Needless to say, my mom keeps making comments how "You should have had it done before the wedding". UGH. By the way, you look great in the photos I've seen so they are crazy!
    Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]

    Amanda, I had a nose job because of my mom's comments. So, I hear you. (She had a nose job when she married my dad.)
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    Your parents are out of line. Do your best to ignore them and focus on what makes you happy. If you are fine with the size you are now, then don't feel pressured to change for them. Your FI loves you exactly how you are too and his support is great.

    I was at my heaviest 6 months ago. I've put pressure on myself to lose weight, but luckily my parents haven't said anything to me other than asking how much weight i've lost every few weeks. Well once my dad gave me an article about what to eat to lose weight, but he was just trying to help. 

    What is really important is that you are healthy and happy. Size does not matter. Who cares if you end up showing a little back fat on your wedding day? I'm trying to lose my side boob fat but if I can't then oh freaking well. You will be beautiful no matter what!!!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_parents-making-rude-comments-to-encourage-me-to-lose-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:6e47f048-489b-4bf4-b827-9dd8fd7ce5b7Post:7f690726-65f8-4e0f-be73-b1ebec7c3cc2">Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight : Amanda, I had a nose job because of my mom's comments. So, I hear you. (She had a nose job when she married my dad.)
    Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

    UGH yea I hate it. It's like, yes I realize my nose isn't perfect. I don't need to be reminded. I'm already self conscious about it. I sometimes wish I could have gone through with it but I was literally terrified.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
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    Wow, I'm sorry to hear that so many of you have gone through this with your family. I think all of you are beautiful (seriously, don't we have the hottest month board ever?!) and I wish your parents would focus on that more. Other pps have given you some great advice, so I'll leave it at that. 
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    Wow I'm sorry that you parents are making you feel this way.  My mom used to make comments about me in high school and college about losing weight and I told her off one day pretty badly and she hasn't made any comments really since then.  I would just explain that the comments are extremely hurtful and you are trying to lose weight but it would be just much easier if they weren't making comments all the time.  Don't worry about them just keep telling yourself that you look amazing and that your FI will love you no matter what!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_parents-making-rude-comments-to-encourage-me-to-lose-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:6e47f048-489b-4bf4-b827-9dd8fd7ce5b7Post:604e7d69-eef5-4e83-909a-1b2f9993568a">Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Parents making rude comments to encourage me to lose weight : UGH yea I hate it. It's like, yes I realize my nose isn't perfect. I don't need to be reminded. I'm already self conscious about it. I sometimes wish I could have gone through with it but I was literally terrified.
    Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]

    I think when I had it done (I was turning 21) I was too young to realize how terrifying it was. If I had to do it now, I would be too scared, I think.  
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    edited May 2012
    Unfortunatly I know exactly what you mean. And not just for the wedding. My mom is constantly making coments about how I need to lose weight. Look, I know I should be thinner and I don't eat right, but I don't need her harping on it. She thinks shes trying to help but it just makes me feel fatter. She does this everytime I try on clothes too. I can't go shopping with her anymore because shes constantly telling me things don't fit when they actually do. A few years ago I screamed at her and told her that if I listened to her I'd be anorexic. That shut her up for a little while but she started again pretty quickly. Unfortunatly this is just the relationship we have.

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    edited May 2012
    My dad has been doing this my entire life. He will say things like you shouldnt eat that or u look fat in that picture or its not weight watchers. It gets me down a lot but i keep telling myself to do it gor my health and well being and try to ignore what he says so i completely understand where you are coming from. Just try to ignore it is the best thing i know it is easier said than done but your FI loves you for you just remember that no matter what.
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    How sad that your parents are making comments like that.  Seems that a lot of us are in the same boat regardless of our body types.  My parents have been that way all my life as well. 

     I had gastric bypass surgery and lost half my body weight (like lost 170lbs).. I went from being diabetic with high blood pressure to very healthy- but not skinny.   My mom continues to make awful comments to me and say how I need to exercise more.   Its kind of hard when you're planning a wedding and your life is revolving around a very demanding job and taking care of a household and then trying to spend time with FI when we're on opposite shifts.

    I wonder if later on in life, our parents will actually regret the things they've said.... If I were going to have kids - I would make it my goal to not EVER say an unkind word in regards to their body.  Everyone is different and what matters most is that we're HAPPY.  It should be every parent's dream to see their child grow up to become happy adults.  
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    I'm a little late but I completely empathize with you. My mom has been making comments about my weight since I was a child. It is very hurtful but I've just gotten used to it. She and my dad both told me to lose weight for my wedding... I would say things like I'd love to lose 10 lbs before my wedding and my mom would say I think you should lose 20. My FI cannot stand when my mom says things to me about how I look. I have talked to her several times throughout my life about how hurtful her comments are, but nothing has really changed. Since I don't live with her anymore it's definitely gotten better, and I love my mom and confide in her constantly, but I still remember crying as a child b/c of her comments.  
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    My mother and the mother from 2 1/2 men are just a like. She is VERY critical. Not only my weight, but my make-up, clothes, hair and everything else. I truly believe some parents feel that how we look is a reflection on them. Yes, if we were children and 300 pounds than people would wonder what is going on. But as adults our bodies have nothing to do with them. I consider myself average frame. I wear a size 8 but my mom thinks I should be a size 6 with perfect hair and make-up all the time. Completely unrealistic!
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    ditto meagan...we have the hottest month board ever. Don't let hating keep you down! Every bride that's a happy bride looks STUNNING on their wedding day.  Also...ditto eight million pps but just dig in your heels and let your folks know how much they're bringing you down.
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