shouldn't be bummed but I am..

aro1589

So, I live in Pittsburgh but my wedding is back home in Ohio.  Only one of my BM is from Pittsburgh.  My shower is on Saturday and she doesn't drive.  She kept assuring me she would find a way and not to worry.  I texted her last night and she told me she wasn't coming.

Okay. Her dad is bsttling cancer right now and it doesn't look good.  Which is why she isn't coming.  Which is totally 100% understandable.  Obviously I would feel so terrible if she was out of town for my shower if something were to happen.

Why I'm so upset though is because she never tells me anything until I talk wedding stuff.  About a month ago I texted her and asked when she planned on ordering her dress.  It was then she told me he had cancer. 

My wedding dress is being stored at her house.  When I asked her when I could pick it up is when she told me he was in the hospital.  Then last night when I asked about the shower, she told me he had taken a turn for the worse. 

I consider this girl one of my best friends (obv, that's why she is in my wedding) and I wish she was keeping me in the loop.  I'm semi-close with her family and have met her dad a handfull of times and I pray for them everynight.  I mean, I get that she has a lot of her plate right now and when she gets bad news, her first thought isn't to text me and share the bad news.

I guess why I'm upset is because I feel like such a jerk whenever I text her.  It's always like 'Hiiiiii wedding stuff! omg so excited!" and she always drops a load of bad news.  I just wish she would tell me these things before I text her about the wedding. 

And, I know I'm a terrible person but I'm really bummed she can't come to my shower.  and I feel like she knew all along she wasn't going to be able to come and just waited until her dad was really bad to tell me so I couldn't be mad.

pity party over though!  please pray for her dad xoxoxo

Alisha9544

You're not a terrible person at all.  Every bride I'm sure wants her MoH there with her, that's why we picked them to be our MoH.  Maybe she feels bad telling you the bad news so puts it off.  I will say a prayer & hope things get better for them. 

islandmonkey8

I'd feel bummed too but understand like you. Maybe try to make it part of your wedding planning to check in with her weekly or something and see how she is doing outside of the wedding. I agree with PP that she may not be telling you because she doesn't want to upset you with your wedding so close.

minionlover

I think that I would feel the same way as you - being so excited about things and then hearing bad news.  You do need to look at her side of things though.  I am sure that she really doesn't want to just call you up and tell you all of the bad news.  I went through the same thing as she did with my mom and I never wanted to talk to anyone about it.  I didn't want to admit that she was sick and dying to anyone.  Maybe you should try to give her a call and see how she is doing without any wedding talk.

ericaandtom2012

I'd be bummed too.  Can you call her up just to talk, and not bring wedding stuff? It sounds like she could use someone to talk to, with her dad taking a turn for the worse.  Maybe you can bring a meal over for her family (if you live nearby). 

NRod70

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_shouldnt-be-bummed-but-i-am?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:0522c08b-b0a0-470e-9259-4e88b960737bPost:33b0673f-a083-416a-8f8e-56f22df19f14">Re: shouldn't be bummed but I am..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd feel bummed too but understand like you. <strong>Maybe try to make it part of your wedding planning to check in with her weekly or something and see how she is doing outside</strong> <strong>of the wedding</strong>. I agree with PP that she may not be telling you because she doesn't want to upset you with your wedding so close.
Posted by islandmonkey8[/QUOTE]

This is a goof idea, IF she wants to talk about it.  She may not want to talk about it because it makes it more of a reality, or who knows, maybe she feels as if calling you would make it a burden on you and this is supposed to be a happy time for you and FI.

You're not a terrible person for being happy and excited about your wedding.  I can relate though about feeling bad.  Both of my sisters are having financial difficulties right now and I am almost embarrassed to talk about the wedding.  For example, I opened my mouth about booking the airline tickets and getting FI's ring the other day, then felt bad about it.  I shouldn't feel bad at all...FI is busting his @ss, working 7 days a week so we can pay for everything we want and not go into debt.

Just be there for your friend when she needs you.  In the end, that's all we really ask for, isn't it?

mrskristinyc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_shouldnt-be-bummed-but-i-am?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:0522c08b-b0a0-470e-9259-4e88b960737bPost:a7d82bcb-c9bf-40e3-8e04-17c58d2999ca">Re: shouldn't be bummed but I am..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be bummed too.  Can you call her up just to talk, and not bring wedding stuff? It sounds like she could use someone to talk to, with her dad taking a turn for the worse.  Maybe you can bring a meal over for her family (if you live nearby). 
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]


This. Your friend is going through a lot right now - you should check in and see how she's doing. You're only hearing bad news when you talk to her about the wedding because it sounds like the only time you're talking to her is when you have something to say about the wedding. Even a simple text, "Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Let me know if there's anything I can do" would work wonders.