FILs vent

goatlady12

This might get kind of long so I apologize in advance.

FSIL is a bridesmaid.  I let all of the girls pick out their own two toned dresses that I preapproved.  She went off the list and picked one that was full leagth rather than tea and said she'd get it altered.  She also ordered material to make a sash.  She lives out of state and to my knowledge had no idea how she was going to get it altered.

The end of July 2 of my bridesmaids dresses came in and they said the other three were going to be in, in about 2 more weeks.  I hadn't heard anything and had a super busy August.  I called the bridal store a week ago to find out the dresses ahd been there a month, they "emailed" me, and that one dress (FSIL) had been picked up by FMIL.  I guess FMIL called to find out it was in, they told her they contacted me, and she didn't bother to tell me about it, or varify that I knew the other two dresses were in for a month!  Anyway, I talked to FMIL and told her I wanted her to keep me posted on everything regarding that dress getting altered.  That I was super worried/stressed that it wasn't going to get done on time.

This brings me to today.  Sunday is my first shower.  FI said last night that his parents wanted to go to dinner tomorrow night(now tonight.)  I got to work and saw on FB that FSIL was on a plane.  I called FI and asked him about it and after asking me how I knew, said that FMIL wanted to surprise me that she was going to be at my shower.  Where I appreciate that she tried to do something nice, it would have been a lot nicer to know the dress was being taken care of.  Am I wrong for being annoyed with this?  I feel like I might be a tad over sensative being how close the big day is.  I kind of want to skip dinner tonight because I'm scared I can't bite my tongue.  Am I being over sensative?

thale0924

Well, to be honest (and this may not help you!)  I don't care what my bridesmaids are wearing.  They could walk down the isle in a parka as long as the colors were cohesive.  My little sis is on the bigger side and REALLY self concious of what she was going to be wearing so I just let every one pick their own dress from anywhere they wanted.  So in my opinion...they'll still be cohesive and look good in pictures, it'll be okay.  Maybe just put her at the end of the line and make her stand in the back so the pictures looked good.

It weirds me out that FMIL is doing things and not telling you about it, everything is important to you and she should be open about what's going on!  My FMIL called my venue with out me knowing and now all the emails are getting sent to her.  When I found out I was soooo mad, I still have no idea why she did that!
But just play nice at dinner!  I just try and zone FILs out sometimes if I know I'm getting heated.

LDubHawksFan

That is annoying that FMIL didn't tell you about the dresses, but I would probably chalk it up to her forgetting to tell you that she pick FSIL's and thinking that in fact the store had contacted you.  Your BMs still have 7 weeks to get things altered; that is plenty of time.  Honestly, I think the FSIL flying in to surprise you sounds sweet and that she is excited.  Assuming that since you asked her to be in the WP, you are close enough that her presence should be a welcome surprise.  Unless you have other reasons to think that the ILs are being shady & not forthcoming, I wouldn't read too much into either instance, and I definitely would not bring it up with them.

goatlady12

Thank you guys for being honest.  All my friends obviously sided with me 100%.  Biased opinions are never the best ones.  The only reason I'm upset about it, is that I was panicking about this dress a week ago to FMIL.  I just wished she would have chosen easing my nerves over surprising me, or maybe lying about which weekend she was coming.  All and all the gesture is sweet.  I told FI that I'm over sensative and that I'm not at a juncture of planning where I can handle surprises.  I told him to spoil them to me, because I don't want to yell at people for trying to be nice.  I can't wait to be done with this wedding, so I stop taking things so personally.

LDubHawksFan

No problem.  I vetted something on here a few months ago that I thought was borderline bridezilla, and man, did these girls let me know!  haha Luckily I hadn't sent the email to the in-laws and all was forgotten!    We all have those skewed moments.  Enjoy your shower & surprise!

goatlady12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_fils-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:0a6d82ed-072b-4b65-aa10-db844c90a42bPost:30ab48af-91ae-4daf-aafd-00d8ad7dd261">Re: FILs vent</a>:
[QUOTE]No problem.  I vetted something on here a few months ago that I thought was borderline bridezilla, and man, did these girls let me know!  haha Luckily I hadn't sent the email to the in-laws and all was forgotten!  :)  We all have those skewed moments.  Enjoy your shower & surprise!
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

What did brides do before TK? I don't know what I would do without my fellow knotties!

mmmendi

I have uncovered immense personal ignorance, compliments of TK! I didn't realize that the familiarity of my life and limited experience wasn't as mannerly or etiquette-friendly as I thought. I'm terribly glad to be here. So - hold your head high! You certainly are weathering the storm well! I'm glad you can go on to dinner this evening and focus on good things

lehc723

We all go a little crazy sometimes. It's good to have a little anonymity here, and also the fact that we're all going through it together. I remember posting a hissy fit I just had to get out of my system about my rehearsal dinner ages ago and getting called out on it totally helped bring me back down.

Have a wonderful time at your shower this weekend. Breathe, relax, enjoy, and have fun!