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October 2012 Weddings

Final Stretch Advice for Nov '12 Brides

Hey Ladies, its time to pay it forward by giving some final stretch advice to the November ladies.

What advice do you have for them?  What is the best piece of advice that you were given?
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Re: Final Stretch Advice for Nov '12 Brides

  • Don't look at the weather (you're going to do it anyway, we all do, its going to make you crazy).

    If you're a DIY bride, plan on one small project a night, or every other night. Getting one thing done at a time, instead of a whole slew of things to do every weekend will give you time to breath.

    Be ready for last minute expenses. You've saved and planned for all the big items but suddenly you need to run out for cardstock and so-so just called with an unplanned guest and now they're calling for snow (i told you not to check the weather) and you need a wrap. It adds up, just try to be ready for it.

    Talk to your FI. I swear he thought I lost my mind two days ago when I sat down and cried in a pile of tissue paper because I had put the wrong bridesmaid gift in the wrong bag. Talk, talk, talk. Take the offered glass of wine, breath and remember its only 1 day and no one will really notice (or care) that half the menus are printed on cream cardstock and the other half on ivory.

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    October 13, 2012
  • Try not to stress so much, it'll all get done in the end!

    If people offer to help you, take them up on it. Don't try to do it all yourself.

  • You will have everything planned perfectly and things will fall apart.  It's okay.  It will all come together, just take a deep breath.  My mother told me this and I didn't believe it but she was right!  Things I thought were rock solid came crashing down, but I just swept up the pieces and pushed forward.

    (I might have more next week once I'm actually married.)  :)
  • nix things!  if you are short on time and money (or both), it's time to start cutting things you don't absolutely need.  programs, favors, etc.  you can do without them and no one will miss them.

    if your mom, sister, MOH, or even your FI offer to help, LET THEM!

    don't obsess over your weight once the dress is in the process of being altered.  at some point, you have to realize you've done all you can and to just relax and eat a piece of candy.

    write out thank you notes as soon as you receive a gift. 
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  • Let things go...drama...rsvps...the shoes that didn't get ordered....the party that didn't get planned the way you envisioned it....my advice it to be greatfull throughout the process for those who helped and supported you and to realize that there are going to be people who will drop the ball or act differently than you could have ever thought...but just keep smiling, dont stress over little things and keep your mind wrapped around the big picture...your getting married to the man of your dreams....it will all work out the way it should....you can't control everything or have the ability to control anyone.  Good luck!
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  • If money or time is gettnig tight, you don't really need those out of town welcome bags, bathroom baskets or those bridemaid survival kits, etc.  They are nice touches, but they won't be what people remember.

    If you have a friend that offers help, take it. They wouldn't be offering unless they actualyl wanted to help you. You don't have to do everything yourself (coming from the world's biggest control freak).

    Have you had your shower or bachelorette party yet? Make sure you immediately start writing your thank you notes. You'll thank yourself for it later!

    Enjoy it. This is your wedding, don't let it become a hassle or a burden.
  • edited October 2012
    Schedule yourself!! I had monthly schedules until the three month point, then weekly until two weeks out, then daily, this help me realize what was possible to get done and what wasn't. It really helped keep me calm and not get overwhelmed.

    You need to accept things WILL go wrong. No two ways about it. My DJ cancelled six weeks out, you stay calm and figure it out. I know things wont be perfect the day of, but I will be married to my best friend at the end of the day and all my closest family and friends will be there, that's all you really need.

    I'll post more after the wedding!! Good luck!
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  • We received a ton of great advice and I know I can't think of all of it, but hopefully we can all chip in. The main ones for me are:

    Like Trawas said, don't check the weather all the time. You'll drive yourself crazy. I've been tempted to start checking the weather, but I know I will become obsessed like so many other brides if I even look once. I'm waiting until the day or two before. Have a back-up plan if you're going to be outside, but don't drive yourself loony.

    Remember that others are under stress, too.  My mom has been really involved with my wedding so I have had to keep in mind that she's under stress, too. We are really close, but there have been times when I have felt criticized by her and vice versa and reacted. Remember to talk to your loved ones and don't let the stress you're under for this one day adversly affect your relationships. 

    Keep in mind that things will go wrong and roll with it. Laugh about it. My mom, F, and I have had some of the most fun with the things that have gone wrong. 
  • It is hard to give advice 18 days out but my biggest issue has been worrying about stuff that was out of my control..so if you can't change it don't try! It will stress you out way more than you should be. This is a time you should be enjoying...you're in the home stretch! The dress WILL fit even if it takes a miracle worker to completely rebuild the back of the dress and you will look stunning.

    TTC SINCE NOVEMBER 2012[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/41151d]
  • goatlady12goatlady12 member
    edited October 2012

    All PPs have great advice, I just have a few things to add!

    Make sure you designate someone to take pictures at your preparties.  I had two showers and not a single picture.  I'm really sad about it!

    Your family, FILs and WP are going to do things that irritate you.  They mean well, just take a deep breath, close your eyes and picture yourself punching them in the throat.  It will make you smile, and you won't lash out at them for trying to be helpful.

    Enjoy as much of this process as you can, the days go by faster once the word "month" disappears from your ticker!

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  • He loves you. That is what this is all about. When everything else is chaotic, go back to the basics! Skin breaking out? Hair trial? Dress freak-out? He loves you, and he thinks you are the most perfect, most beautiful bride for him. RSVP not coming in, coming in with extra's - coming with 'can't make it'? He loves you. You WANT everyone to be there/don't have room for everyone to be there/can't believe your Aunt responded 10 days before the wedding 'oh yeah! We'll be there!' but the day is because he loves you. Focus on the important things! Breathe - and Good luck! Congratulations - you are getting married!
    ~~Mendi~~ ...Everyone has their price; mine's chocolate Photobucket
  • You'll be amazed at how stressed and scatter-brained you become, especially in all your non-wedding areas of life (like work!). It's just going to happen, so try and ride it out as best you can and go with the flow. People will understand!
  • People will be inconsiderate, they will respond at the last minute or not at all and you will have to hunt them down like it's open season, plan for it if you can and what you can't, take it in stride.

    Be sure to take the time to sit down and talk with your FI, remember what the whole day is for and make sure you're still communicating with him, even if it means you have to take a step back or a break away from wedding things for a day or two, it will all get done in time and what doesn't, doesn't matter anyway.

    And filling out Thank You notes right away is definitely the way to go, you'll feel better and then you won't forget any :-)
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  • The best advice I can give is the one thing I wish I had gotten through my head..."Don't try and do everything on your own. It's okay to allow other's to help you".  Enjoy being a bride and appreciate the process, at this point, it will go faster than you can know.  Wink

    Oh, and one other thing...Let those who are trying to help you know that you appreciate their efforts. It's hard to be gracious when the stress is coming down but you will be remembered for how you handle it. After all, when we are standing there, saying, "I do" we don't want to be thought of as a "Bridezilla". 

    Congratulations, Girls and enjoy being a bride!! 
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  • However much time you plan on taking off before the wedding, you will probably need more. Take more time off if you can. Even if everything for the wedding is done, the excitement of having it so close tends to nerf your concentration to the point that you get pretty mentally useless!
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  • Know your limits! Yes, its great if your MOH or BM can take over a project or help out, but if its going to make you crazy/paranoid to give up power, rethink that project! Set early deadlines. Tux order needs to be done by 4 weeks before? Tell the groomsmen its 5 weeks before, that way you have a few days to get them in there without paying a rush fee. Have nonweddingrelated dates with FI! FI and I are going to a concert 3 weeks before our wedding and its a great way to relax.

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  • Don't check the weather everyday!!  I checked it the first day it finally showed in the forcast, 28 days out, and it said snow! I'm now 18 days out and it says 65 and sunny.  I spent 5 days stressing over the fact that it was going to snow, all for nothing. 

    Take help when it's offered.

    Start working on projects early.  I'm down to 18 days and have very little left to do.  It helps to free up stress for things like IDK... the weather 20 days away!  haha.
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  • At this point I keep telling myself that the most important thing is that, at the end of the day I will married to the man that I love.  Everything else that is important will get done and probably isn't worth stressing over.

    Figure out how to organize to keep your list managable and reduce stress.  If a list of 40 things you need to do is overwhelming, break it off into the 20 things you need to do this week and the 3-4 things you need to do today and focus on the "todays" to do list... it helps.

    Delegate and take up help that is offered.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.
  • jsarver14jsarver14 member
    edited October 2012
    - When you start to get frustrated/worked up/upset over something, take a step back and think about how it will truly effect your day. Is it a huge deal in the scheme of things? If not, relax and let it go. I know this gets harder to do towards the end of planning because you want things to be "perfect", but trust me...it's not worth the headache.

    - Take time to pamper yourself. Get a pedicure, take a nap, get a massage...anything that makes you feel less stressed. Weddings are suppose to be fun, so don't let yourself get so stressed that you loathe planning.

    - Ask people for help! Don't expect anyone to do anything for you, but if you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to (politely) ask people to help you with things.

    - Don't underestimate the power of "thank you". When people send you gifts, do something nice for you, go out of their way to help, or are just there for you....say thank you.

    - Remember that your FI is getting married, too. Take the time to ask him how HE is doing and how HE feels about things. Take time for yourselves away from wedding planning and enjoy each other :)

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  • edited October 2012
    When you're pressed for time/money, make a list of everything that you still need to get/do and order your list from most important to least important and work your way down. If someone offers you help, take it. Involve your fiance as much as you can/as much as he's willing because it is his day, too. Don't sweat the small stuff or details. If everything's not perfect, you'll probably be the only person to notice. As my Grandma used to say "A person walking by fast wouldn't notice, and a blind man would be happy to."
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  • The best advice I've been given so far was from my hair stylist and he said "guests do not know what to expect when they arrive at a wedding, so if something doesn't get done, you are the only one who will notice". This has really helped me keep things in perspective and worry about the big picture, not the small details.

    As mmmendi said, your FI loves you and that's the whole reason for this special day. You have some to love and support you unconditionally. If the programs don't get printed and the bows don't get tied, or your cranky from stress. FI will still be there.

    And as your mother, sister, MOH, or FMIL get on your nerves. Try to remember they do have the best of intentions. Really....

    Someone else said allow some buffer in your budget. As a bride, who is hiring their second photographer with a slim chance of getting the original deposit back, definitely allow some wiggle room! 

    Delegate! If someone offers to help, take it! You can't expect to do this alone! 
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  • Don't stress over small details that people most likely won't notice.  No one but you knows the vision in your head.  If you can't execute the vision perfectly, only you will know.  Regardless, everyone will think your day is beautiful!

    Like many others have said, it's all about you marrying the man you love.  Everything else are just pieces to make a better day.
  • Don't expect your wedding to look like TK feature weddings. Or even other girls from your month. We all have different budgets, and I doubt any of your guests have ever been to TK or any other wedding-related site. If your candy buffet or centerpiece or program isn't as dramatic and beautiful and huge as all the others you've seen, no one will know or care! They'll all just think it's cool.

    Don't let the etiquette..... witches get to you. If you want to do a dollar dance and it's traditional in your circle, do it. If you want to do the garter toss to "Sexy and I know it" then do it. If your guests side-eye it, then that's their problem, not yours. You won't know or care! All these snarky girls on here that say "Oh I'd walk out if I was at a wedding and that was done" are full of hot air. Either that or the weddings they've gone to are only for distant relatives, not people they actually care about.

    Make sure to take care of yourself the week before. It's easy to get caught up in all the last-minute details and forget to do important things like eat, or put off going to bed until it's too late to get a decent night's sleep. I was chatting with a friend that was married in April a few days ago and she asked if I'd been taking care of myself. I asked her what she meant and she asked when the last time I'd eaten was. I realized then that it'd been over 24 hours. I vowed to listen to her advice and have made sure to eat regular meals and go to bed instead of staying up all night finishing details. Tonight was the exception because I get to sleep in tomorrow. Tongue Out And the car had to be packed. But trust me, since she pointed out that I needed to take care of myself, I've felt so much better. My head's actually on straight now.
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  • Dont stress over the small details, I know this is hard to hear, but no one notices the small things...only you and whomever you tell. Even then you will most likely forget wedding day.
    Let others help you! I wish I took this advice from other brides, I am so stressed out b/c I decided to do the majority of everything. I finally gave in and now things are turning out better than I would have expected, turns out family and friends do care about your wedding just as much as you do.

    Please laugh along the way, things are not going to go smoothly, and come wedding day there will be something that isnt just the way you wanted it...but sometimes it actually turns out for the better.

    Enjoy this, dont get stressed out. Everything in the end will come together and work out.

    Dont go to bed mad at anyone...friends, family, FI...I know it might be tough, but call them and say sorry or you love them. It will keep you up for the next week if you dont.

    Good Luck ladies!!!
  • First of all, Congratulations ladies you are almost there! Try not to stress about all the details. No matter how well you have it planned out, something is going to go wrong, but it will all work out in the end.

    The best piece of advice I got was to have some sort of date night the week of the wedding that is totally NWR. This was such a great night in my eyes and I know FI and I both benefited from it and it took a little stress away. The wedding is about YOU TWO, so take time out to focus on the relationship and not just wedding details.

    I was a DIY bride, and I am so happy about that. This wedding is unique because of all of my work. Its truly amazing. However, make sure you plan far enough in advance and do your projects one at a time.

    Save up some "extra" money for the week of the wedding. We had money for all of the expenses, but there are a lot of things you think of the week of the wedding that are "extra" on the budget. Having this money already is a way to avoid the extra stress!

    Good luck ladies! :)

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  • Don't look at the weather.  I haven't and I'm so glad because I'm not worrying about it.  You can't control it.

    Don't try to do everything yourself.  Your FI is a part of this and should help.  If your family and friends offer to help, take them up on it!

    Get enough sleep in the weeks before.  Try not to do any WR stuff more than 20 minutes before you go to bed or else your mind will be racing with what you need to do while you should be sleeping.

    Don't forget your vendors in your final meal count and to ask them if they have any food allergies.  Include yourselves too!

    Good luck ladies!!  I wish you all the best in your final days and weeks!

  • Don't take it too personally if you get more "no" responses than you had anticipated.  People have their reasons and it doesn't mean they don't care about you.  You will have an amazing day no matter what!

    Great advice by all PP.  Especially adding you and your FI to the final meal count!  I hadn't thought of that before someone had mentioned it.

    Be a list maker, especially of the tiny details.  Those are the things that seem to fall by the wayside when working on wedding plans.  Ex. I need to buy more orange ribbon for my napkins but because I have been forgetting to write it down I have been forgetting to buy some at one of my weekly Michael's runs.  

    Find ways to destress in the final weeks before your wedding.  Try not to take your stress out on FI, that's what these boards are for!
    Missing our September Sunflower
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  • I couldn't afford a Day of Coordinator so I met with a wedding planner 3 weeks before my wedding and it was the best thing I could have done. She went through everything with me, offered suggestions/tips, and helped me finalize a timeline for the entire day all in an hour. It was the best $40 I've spent so far. I now feel much more at ease with my plans and feel like the schedule for the day of is under control.

  • You will be stressed, but takw time to  be with you FI. GO on a date the week before the wedding, don't think about the wedding, pretend your just on a date, no wedding around the corner. It really helped me focus on what matters...him.

    Realize now you can't micro manage everyone and just let things that don't go as planned role off your back. Its going to be ok. Take  time off work...do not work the day or two before your wedding! 
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  • Try not to stress... I know easier said than done
    in the end you will be married to the man of your dreams...

    my wedding did not go the way I had thought it would... it was unique in everyway... but ended up being perfect...

    SLEEP with a pen and paper by your bed... so when you are overthinking every last detail at least you can write it down and know that you have, and can sleep now... if you think of something else? well write it down...most of all TRY to sleep you will need it.

    My Husband woke up on our wedding morning and said it's funny my wife sleeps better thant my girlfriend does... (If we weren't just married I would question that lol) Simply because the stress of planning is over. I am so happy,  and you will be too.

    we had Sun then Rain, then HAIL at our outdoor ceremony, which had to be moved indoors for the signing,  and as we were announced we didn't have music either (Our DJ was scrambling to pack his things before they got wet) but you know what? WE WERE MARRIED and I couldn't be happier...

    expect the unexpected but don't fret over it!
    most of all enjoy your day, it goes by in the blink of an eye!
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