Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!

Alisha9544

Ok, first of all.  My FFIL said they were going to pay for our rehearsal dinner.  Then said only the wedding party & their spouses.  Then they changed my venue to a Pizza Hut!  I'M ON ATKINS!!!!!  Now!!  He's saying that anyone who doesn't go to the reception hall after the rehearsal dinner is going to hear it from him & will pay him back!  Excuse the language but What the F*CK!!  If I'd of known this was how everyone was going to be about it I wouldn't have accepted their offer.  I'm so upset with this.  FI is thinking his Dad is justified in this crap.  Am I overreacting???  Would you also be mortified by this?  Oh & this has me & FI fighting at the moment, Lovely!

nitecheese

I would be upset. I would also try to remember that your FFIL is about to be family for life. Talk with your FI, tell him that you feel that FFIL is being a bit too authoritative and that it might upset other members of the family.  See where that takes you.  In times like those, I know it is so hard to be gracious.

achiduck

I'm confused. Why would people need to go to the reception hall after the RD?

Honestly, I would probably say "thanks but no thanks" and just pay for it yourself.

Alisha9544

I did tell FI that I didn't want unnecessary tension or bickering.  And that I thought this was a bit too much.  He basically doesn't care & thinks that since most all of the bridesmaids haven't helped with anything, although they ask what I need help with & when I tell them they just disappear, that if they don't help with the reception hall that his Dad is ok in this.  His Dad is very opinionated & very loud, so I do not for one second doubt he will say something.  Sh*t like this can ruin our day.

Alisha9544

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:b9bbbcb5-0dda-4ed9-8ab5-8cd04d8780f1">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused. Why would people need to go to the reception hall after the RD? Honestly, I would probably say "thanks but no thanks" and just pay for it yourself.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
 We have to set up & decorate ourselves.

CandiceAdam

I would remind your FI and FFIL that even the bridal party are still your guests and they are not required to do anything they do not want to, so if he thinks he is feeding them for their labor to help set of for the wedding he is wrong.
If you are able to afford the RD yourself I would call FFIL and tell him thank you for the offer but you would rather host the RD yourself. Even if it means inviting people into your home or one of your bridal party members homes and cooking Lasagna and serving a few bottles of wine, at least the pressure would be off of you.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:7722f81c-f043-4891-8341-e9c2e7a68853">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!! :  We have to set up & decorate ourselves.
Posted by Alisha9544[/QUOTE]

Oh, I see. While it sucks that your BP has been flaking, it's not their responsibility to help with favours/invitations/setup/cleanup, etc. If they do, it's a bonus.

I would talk to your FI and have him explain to his Dad that he needs to chill and that all his aggression is causing your undo stress.

minionlover

First, I think that you FFIL is way out of line and I am surprised that FI is allowing him to say things like that.  You can't really change the venue part unless you are willing to pay, but saying that your bridal party has to pay him back if they don't go to the reception hall after is a little much.

I think that he needs to stop telling FFIL any issues you are having with your bridal party.  It would be really nice if girls helped out on some things, but they are not obligated to.  Has FI's GM helped out with anything?  Are they getting the same treatment as your BMs?

Alisha9544

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:67323139-79f2-4cbd-9a6b-2f2db985f60b">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would remind your FI and FFIL that even the <strong>bridal party are still your guests</strong> and they are not required to do anything they do not want to, so if <strong>he thinks he is feeding them for their labor to help set of for the wedding he is wrong.</strong> If you are able to afford the RD yourself I would call FFIL and tell him thank you for the offer but you would rather host the RD yourself. Even if it means inviting people into your home or one of your bridal party members homes and cooking Lasagna and serving a few bottles of wine, at least the pressure would be off of you.
Posted by CandiceAdam[/QUOTE]

Thank you!!!  That is what I'm saying!!

Alisha9544

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:00292d8c-deab-496f-92e1-1829c75bd455">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]First, I think that you FFIL is way out of line and I am surprised that FI is allowing him to say things like that.  You can't really change the venue part unless you are willing to pay, but saying that your bridal party has to pay him back if they don't go to the reception hall after is a little much. I think that he needs to stop telling FFIL any issues you are having with your bridal party.  It would be really nice if girls helped out on some things, but they are not obligated to.  <strong>Has FI's GM helped out with anything?  Are they getting the same treatment as your BMs?</strong>
Posted by Cathyl7910[/QUOTE]
Thank you!  I'll actually have to mention this one!  Cause no they haven't done anything.  My girls have actually done more then they have. 

Alisha9544

I really think besides the total rudeness & absurdness of this.  EVERYONE said they were coming & helping!!  I just want to scream.  Why be a jerk when no one said they weren't helping???

ericaandtom2012

It sounds like you're going in the right direction with set-up; hopefully your FFIL will see that the WP is not required to help setup.  I don't think pointing out the GM not helping is a good idea, because then FFIL will probably give them an earful when their only duty is to buy/rent the suit/tux/whatever outfit and show up day of.  

As far as the RD goes, your options are to allow your FFIL to host at the restaurant of his choice (Pizza Hut) or politely decline the offer and hold it wherever you would like and pay for it yourselves.  Yes it sucks that he chose a restaurant that you can't really eat at due to your diet, but as the host it's his choice.

goatlady12

Wow, is all I have to say about this.  How can your FFIL think this is an acceptable idea?  You know, there have been several times planning my wedding, I've day dreamed about punching people in the throat for things like this.  It's unreal what people think is acceptable. 

Alisha9544

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:fd249e7c-30a5-4165-a50c-a334debb3c53">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like you're going in the right direction with set-up; hopefully your FFIL will see that the WP is not required to help setup.  I don't think pointing out the GM not helping is a good idea, because then FFIL will probably give them an earful when their only duty is to buy/rent the suit/tux/whatever outfit and show up day of.   As far as the RD goes, your options are to allow your FFIL to host at the restaurant of his choice (Pizza Hut) or politely decline the offer and hold it wherever you would like and pay for it yourselves.  Yes it sucks that he chose a restaurant that you can't really eat at due to your diet, but as the host it's his choice.
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]
I know.  I was just kind of like what in the world.  He told us to pick & pick anywhere.  We did!  Then he says that we're going there instead.  But yeah I know if he's hosting I have to deal with it.

Alisha9544

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_rehearsal-dinner-about-to-flip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:25afff19-acdd-453e-a023-862fc8ca5f61Post:976867d1-a9a5-4b8e-8d04-a0547d5e4251">Re: Rehearsal dinner, about to flip!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, there have been several times planning my wedding, I've day dreamed about punching people in the throat for things like this.
Posted by Seipel12[/QUOTE]
This just made me smile so big LOL  Thank you.  I needed a giggle. 

Alisha9544

I just told FI "That would be great. But people do have their own lives. It would be amazing if they would just for that day center us, but that's not a guarantee. I think something that's getting missed is our wedding party are not our maids, they are not technically required to do anything besides dress up & show up. It would be amazing if they would do more YES but they are GUESTS too. As a matter of fact they are like our "VIP" guests. I love you. All I want for our day is for us to be happy, for me to come through those doors, see your beautiful face smiling back at me from the alter, becoming my husband, dancing, kissing, smiling, laughing & then being in perfect bliss with me. I don't want to fight. I love you." 

So... fingers crossed he finally gets where I'm coming from.

Stina2012

Just accept that you can't dictate FFIL's behavior. You can certainly say something, but this is out of your control. If he says that again I'd just muse out loud "What an interesting reaction. My girls have helped with so much already and they are planning to help so I don't think we have to worry about it." Then drop it. Say the same thing to FI.