How involved are your inlaws?

[Deleted User]

Just curious how much your inlaws know or how involved they are with the planning process. I'm not super close with mine so I'm letting FI fill them in as he cares to. I'm a quiet person in general so unless they ask, I haven't volunteered details. I'm starting to feel like I'm planning behind their back. Sometimes I feel that way with FI too. I think of ideas and he knows I have great vision and taste so he just rolls with it. He does get a say where he wants one. The inlaws have contributed some funds to the wedding but haven't requested it be used towards any one thing so we're using it to pay off the church and reception venue. If they designated it towards something specific like flowers I would have definitely asked their opinion.

islandmonkey8

FI & I have just temporarily (for about a month) moved in with his parents until we close on our house, so they're decently involved. I'm very type A so no one is as involved in the planning as I am.

They might be trying to do a little too much IMO though. They won't tell us anything about the rehearsal dinner or let us have any opinion on it. I think they believe they're helping us out by doing it this way but in reality they are stressing me and FI out because we think they are going to plan something above and beyond anything we would want (really, pizza is fine with us). FI is going to talk to them about it. If they decide not to involve us at all after he talks to them, we decided we will thank them politely for offering to pay for it, but that we will sover it because we want to make sure it's what we're invisioning.

semay23

I'm not super close with my FMIL, but my mom isn't participating in the process (or even coming to the ceremony for that matter). But every time I go visit FILs with FI,  FMIL has a list of questions for me. Literally, a giant list. This is both good and bad for me.

It's good because it's nice to finally have a "mom" who wants to be involved in my life. She has been a wonderful help to me.

But it is overwhelming sometimes. I don't know if I'm just not used to the attention and bombardment of questions, or if she is actually being overwhelming.

Also, since I'm not used to consulting a mom about this type of stuff, after I make decisions, I also feel slightly guilty sometimes about not chatting with her about it.

mbuckley85

My FMIL is involved and has been an issue along the way.  She tends to throw money in our faces as a way to get things to go "her way".  

achiduck

My FMIL is contributing to the wedding (works out to be around 8% of the costs) but hasn't been to involved. She came with us to meet the DJ and came to a cake tasting since FI hates cake but not much else. We did have her over though to review her side of the guest list before printing our invites. She has a general idea of what's happening but gave the money with no strings attached so we haven't had to get her OK on anything other then the guest list.

Same basic story with my Dad. He and my SM came to the seamstress to see the dress when I was getting a quote for my alterations and reviewed their side of the guest list but that's it.

goatlady12

I involve both my mom and FMIL in almost everything.  They are both contributing a butt load of money.  I definitely want them to have say since they are paying for almost everything.  I'm extremely grateful for both of our parents.  And am stumped on what to do for parents' gifts.

pockysquirrel

I wouldn't call them actively involved, but they're very supportive. I love my future inlaws. :

aimee58

I tell them both about everything, but they don't help make decisions. It's more of me buying things and making decisions and saying "this is what we did"

That said, FMIL and my mom have all kinds of questions about this, that, and the other thing, so they know all about what's going on for the wedding.

CarolineandDean

I am very lucky to say that FI has an amazing family, and they have been very interested and supportive of our planning, even though they live two hours away.  They came up one weekend and we went cake tasting, picked out flowers (which they're paying for), and helped us look at potential venues.  

They're all also a big part of the actual wedding.  FI's dad is his best man, his brother is one of the GM, his sister-in-law is on of my BMs and his their daughter is our flower girl.

rockin2thebeats

Neither side is very involved. My side is okay with anything FI and I want and don't really have any suggestions, wants, or needs. And his side is too busy caring about his sister's wedding to give a hoot about ours. They did contribute some money but otherwise, they have stayed out of it. I'm pretty lucky actually. My FI is really laid back and we think alike so some of the ideas I pop up with he says "that's great baby, let's do it". Also he's been very active in the planning (he even picked out the wedding invites!!).

fishinflagrl

My FI's mother passed in November, and she was not involved at all really. I think she said she was maybe going to help pay for the reception, but guess she cant now. FI's dad is in a nursing home, unfortunately no help at all...just my parents.

shoebie

They know next to nothing, pretty much just info that's on the invites.

ivedonethisb4

Wow! Mine are pretty involved. I talk to my FMIL almost every day. Just today she asked had I heard back from a potential pastor! I feel they should be just as involved and know what's going on. FMIL, FSIL and me sat down and picked the music for the entire ceremony together. Before I talked to the florist I went to my mom and his for their opinion. Maybe its just because we come from very close families....and I've been a part of his family for almost 7 years even if we haven't been married..they're family to me and their opinions matter!

PattySmith101

fmil is a bit too involved... she wants a say in everything and wants everything her way!!! ugg she is driving me and my sister < moh> crazy! guest list was finalized a few months ago and i got an email from her adding people yestarday! seriously i am in the process of addressing invites and you are adding people < people fi and i dont even know> i think she is inviting more people than us! i dont even have my dads side on the invite list < he was never really close to his sisters, so we dont know them that well, but recently i have started talking to them  and getting to know them via facebook. > and she is adding her cousins son, her co workers  ect ect...

and for the shower my sister is planning she keeps trying to have it at a super expensive place and she doubled the guest list i gave my sister. my list had 35 people on it ( including fi's side of the family ) she than added 35 more people!!!

ok sorry this turned into a mini rant!

huskerfan246

I have a great relationship with my future In-laws, so I have been sharing everything with them, or the FMIL anyways, and getting her opinions on a lot of decisions.  My FFIL is a cross-country truck driver and is only home about once a month for a couple days, so I only talk wedding with him if he asks about it.  My FI talks to him alot over the phone so i'm sure he informs him on the important stuff.  I also love how well my mom and FMIL get along, once in awhile we all get together for dinner for everyone to catch up.

Jasperk23

I love my in-laws. FI and I go over there every Saturday, and I started working with my FIL about a month ago so we are together LOTS (He is a truck driver -- I am a "Driver-Helper"/ex-hairdresser/future-RN lol Long story! So we are just us in the truck all day)

So MIL and SIL (GM) know pretty much everything there is to know, and I love how involved they are.

CATurren

My FI stepmother threw a little hissy fit when we weren't involving them so when we tried she completely dropped the ball.  It took her over a month to gather addresses for me; not like random address but her MIL address, things she should already have.  I just kind of gave up and my FI took it upon himself to gather addresses.  She was so huffy she took it upon herself to completely plan and run my FI's brother's wedding.  A month after that wedding I got a list e-mailed to me....it was the other wedding's addresses which didn't help me.  

They offered to pay for our hotel, but hadn't booked it for 3 months, so we decided to.  Stepmom threw a fit and booked it.

When they came to visit I tried to show them what we had and they really could not have cared less.  Now they really aren't included in anything.  It hurts my feelings when people just do nothing or don't comment on things I have worked SUPER hard on so I am just not including them.  I honestly probably won't let them in my room before the wedding.  Not the BEST situation.