Let the past be the past? Not so sure anymore.

marisolgarcia1

Past history: 

My F and I have been together for 6 years.  I grew up super poor, I don't have an education (some college) and sometimes I can be a bit different.  I say what is on my mind and can be very abrasive.  I have a very small family it's mom and two sisters. 

In the begining of our relationship my f family(the women) treated me very mean.  They wouldn't say anything but they weren't warm and it showed.  I remember crying about because they were folks that would be important in my future.  I remember not wanting to go to my f house.  my f and i had a long distance relationship. He first moved to sacramento with his family I followed.

Fast forward to time. 

I moved to sacramento and my F and i have been together for 6+ years We are getting married and his family warmed up to me for about  2 years now. 

This weekends was my F bachlore party. 

his sister and I went to his parents house since they weren't in and had a girls night out.  I started to ask her if i was just crazy or did they really not care for me when i first met them.  (he comes from an upper middle class family)

She said, "You were not who we invisioned for my brother"  (ouch) Truth hurts.  

She explained further but it was so superficcial.  I couldn't go with him to social events and act correctly. His mother had an issue with me because i didn't offer to wash dishes for her after dinner.  

; - (

I don't know what to do.  I am obviously hurt by learning this. but i don't know if i should make this an issue with my F. or if i should just let it go because this is not how they feel about me now.  They have accepted me.   Should I just let this go because i asked and i should of prepared for the answer and maybe find peace that i wasn't going crazy a few years ago? 

Gosh!  Sometimes the truth hurts.  this just really brings up the feelings of 3-4years ago.  I'm rather sad right now.  

mmmendi

I wish you had not asked, although I am sure you do too. I can understand how that refreshed the hurt - but I think it is also important to look at the more current factors. They did warm up She respected you enough to be honest - and then try to recover when she saw she hurt your feelings (This should show you first hand that wealth alone does not equate class. She should have tempered her answer initially) You need to come to terms with this and let it go. I am not saying it doesn't hurt, or shouldn't hurt. I am saying that even though it took years, this family will be your family. They have accepted you, albeit it slowly. You should be fair in accepting them, too. You mentioned socioeconomic status, his background vs. yours. It doesn't sound like FI has any issue with different backgrounds. I hope you don't let it be an issue, either! I really read the hurt in your post and am not at all happy that my response is coming across well. I really want to encourage you, and hope you look to present and future.

NRod70

Let it go.  Don't make it an issue with your FI, it's not his fault.  He obviously loves you and never felt the same way as they did.  It really is sad how people treat others the way they do, in this day and age. I'm glad they got past their ridiculousness and was able to see you for who you really are.

Best wishes to you guys!

LoriMc12

I would focus on the present and the future.  I know it must be hard to know how they really felt at the beginning but you have proved them wrong!  

insanityofamom

You asked, you got an answer.

I don't think socioeconomic class has anything to do with being polite and helping out though. Maybe common sense? 

Let it go. 

ericaandtom2012

Let it go.  Obviously their feelings for you have changed.  I'm not even sure why you would ask about that - it seems like you were almost fishing for a reason to be sad.  Who cares what they initially thought of you, they like you now and have moved on from their initial feelings.  I know you're feeling hurt and saddened by her response, but please try not to think about it anymore.  All that will do is build resentment. 

trawas01

You need to let it go.

Take peace in the fact that she was honest with you when you asked. Everyone has a vision of what they want for the children and siblings. Its hard when they choose something or someone who isn't what you consider "the best."

Your lucky they've come around and have wised up that this relationship is a good one thats here to stay. Many other people find themselves in situations where things never get past superficial judgements.

mlperkins12

I agree with Mendi. 

I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear, but she was respectful enough to be honest.  I also think that her honesty speaks to how far they have moved beyond that initial impression of you.  It seems like you and FI's family are in a much more positive place now and I wouldn't dredge up the past and create an issue with FI.  I can't see any good that can come of it, he can't change the past or how his family felt.

FI accepted you for who you are then and his family came around.  It sounds like a happy ending to me.  Best Wishes to you both.

Stina2012

When FI and I first started dating his friends were VERY rude to me. Like, I saw one standing in line for a bar, went up and said hello and he told me the line started at the back. I never asked why they didn't like me (and I have my own opinions...I'm a size 12 all the other girlfriends are a size 4) and it doesn't matter. But, I mention this because I know how much it can hurt.

Just face forward. You are who you are and you should never apologize for it. Can you learn and grow? Absolutely! But never be upset that you are who you are....your FI fell in love with you for exactly who you are!

And yes, I do give myself this little Stuart Smalley (sp?) pep talk when I feel down. It definitely helps.

marisolgarcia1

 Thank you all for your words and your advice.  I have decided to let this one go.  But I will trust my gut about this family next time.  A bit of respect that I had has been lost now knowing that they are so petty and superficial.  I know myself and true worth to the man I will marry in less than two months and believe you me I will make him happier than anyone could.  Even though sometimes I don’t look like arm candy. 

 

Thank you for your support!  I will keep my head held up high and won’t be bugged by this.  It is just sad to see how people are still so superficial. 

 

Ankur

Let it be the past.  My FI's children did not like me either when I met them three years ago and his ex wife thought I was just a floozy since I am 10 years younger than him.  However, now the children and I have a much better bond and the ex and I hugged when we all dropped the oldest boy to college last year.
Take the higher road, and just be happy that everyone is now on the same page and look forward to the future