Frustrated, Vent

RockstarWifey0912

So I have this old friend (M) and her parents.  We've been friends since forever, almost 15 years of our lives.  We had a minor falling out when I had my son in November 2009 and then a MAJOR falling out early in 2011.  Things are stiff between us, I can be cordial around her, but really- things are not the same.  I did not send her a save the date card but in the initial stages of planning, she and her parents were on the guest list.  After we made final cuts and things, they were taken off (ultimately because on our big day, neither FI or myself want to be around her.)

Today I get a text, asking me details and such- things that she would have gotten in an invite.  I know that I should ultimately respond with "Due to budget restraints, we weren't able to invite everyone we would have liked.  However, FI and I are continuing the celebration the next night at the haunted houses and the landing."  BUT this sounds so fake.  What I really want to say to her is "You lied to me for 4 years, what makes you think I want you there?"  but my Momma raised me to at least be polite...

Sorry ladies. I'm just done with the details and ready to be married.  People are frustrating me.

[Deleted User]

Why is she texting you? Do you still talk to her on a regular basis? If not just ignore the text.

RockstarWifey0912

We talk maybe once every other month, and it's mostly on facebook.  Today is the 7 year anniversary of a mutual friends death, so she texted me to say that she was going to drink a toast tonight, did I want to come?  I told her no and she moved on to ask about the wedding.

I just sent her the 'budgetary restraints' response and she said "Ok."  so time to ignore again.

ericaandtom2012

I'm not sure why she's texting you if you had a major falling out; maybe she wants to rekindle the friendship?  Your wedding really is not the place to do that.  Are you interested in being friends with her again?  If so, I would send her a message along the lines of "Unfortunately we were unable to invite everyone we would have liked.  Maybe we can get coffee/lunch/whatever and catch up another time?"  If you don't want to be her friend again, go with just the first part (no excuses budget or space or whatever because that always leads to people trying to buy their way in) OR just ignore the text. 

mmmendi

People can be so strange, Kaitlin. I don't know what your falling out was over. I have a woman I worked with that struck me often as immature, but I genuinely liked her and we had fun when we hung out with our kids. All summer, I have tried to get her address to invite her to my wedding, when she just wasn't sending the address - I dropped wedding talk and just tried to stay in contact. Last week, she emailed ME - she is getting married in December and wants to send me and invitation, and needs my address! I was hurt, and floored. I haven't responded yet. I don't know what to say. I felt she already severed ties, and am not comfortable with this (the status of our friendship) at all.

It sounds like this may have already solved itself for you. I'm sorry about the loss of your mutual friend, and hope that as time goes on you either find a way to mend your friendship - or both find peace in letting it go

RockstarWifey0912

Mendi, that is strange.  I'd be hurt and probably wouldn't give her the info.

The thing with M and I's friendship... I've found peace already.  I'm a much more stable, happy person now than I used to be and really, being around her brings out the worst in me.  That's one of the biggest reasons I decided not to invite her or her parents.

Thanks everyone I was majorally caught off guard earlier by her.

NRod70

Pfft.  I know exactly how you feel.  A so-called friend of mine for quite a few years, upset me about 3 years ago and things were never the same.  She wanted me to drop my life in NJ and move to be near her in FL.  We had talked about that the previous year, before I met my FI.  When I told her FI where going to live together, I guess she kinda got mad and started saying crap like I could do better and I shouldn't trust him, etc.  It really bothered me and I let her know it. 

Fast forward to the beginning of this year and I start to plan the wedding.  I did not plan on inviting her b/c I did not want any negativity on our day.  She found out through a mutual friend (who slipped) that the STD's went out.  She sent me a private message on FB, basically inviting herself.  I didn't respond right away b/c I wanted to talk to FI first.  Next thing I know, she deleted me!!  Problem solved...til the other day.  She sent me a friend request and said "can we be friends again?".  WTH?!  You were being childish to begin with to delete me and not let me answer and then 6 months later you want to be friends?  I'm assuming because she knows the wedding is approaching.

RockstarWifey0912

Weddings make people crazy! Argh.