1 month from the wedding and a BM has decided to drop out :(

ReyesToy

I got a long E-MAIL on Tuesday from her saying she can't afford plane fare, rental car, and hotel night stay on top of her BM dress. So not only will she not be my BM, she's not coming to the wedding at all. What bothers me is that she has a full-time job, is single, no kids, and has been able to party in Vegas and go clubbing in LA all summer. Side story on the BM dress: I'm paying $150 towards all their dresses and gave them frequent reminders to order between March and June, but since she ordered hers super late, she had to pay double rush fees and overnight shipping to get it on time.

Within 30 mins of her e-mail, I looked up plane fares and found that she can carpool with my sister. I offered to pay for her plane fare and 2-night stay at the resort. She hasn't returned any of my calls or e-mails. The only thing I get back from her are 2 texts saying  "Sorry I'm adding stress to your life!" and "Yes, I've read your e-mail. Don't worry "

DON'T WORRY (smiley face)?? Does that mean yes or no?
At this point, I'm so disappointed that she can't even take 5 minutes of her time to call me. I don't care anymore if she's a bridesmaid or not. A good friend shouldn't leave you hanging.

Any advice is welcome! Thanks for reading.

marisolgarcia1

OMG!  I can scream with you!  WHAT A FREIND!!!!!  

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  My only advice is to email her and say.  Thank you for trying.  Don't worry about coming I understand money is tight.  You accept it and you remember.  

it sucks!  but at this point there isn't much that i think can be done.  She has made it a point to you that it is not a priority so just accept it and move on to bigger things. 

insanityofamom

sounds like her priorities are different. at this point i would email her and say "thanks for letting me know. you will be missed." 

nani1012

I would be really upset in your situation. Mine isn't nearly as bad, but it has been frustrating recently with one of my BMs. She did buy airfare and her dress with shoes, but couldn't afford the hotel (destination wedding). I helped with the hotel, even though she knew to try and save for this over a year...so i was a lil' upset, but had points from one of the cards and just used those to pay for the hotel.

It seems that her priorities were not to be there since she knew there were expenses involved. Just let it roll and enjoy yourself on your wedding day. All that matters is you have your husband. :-)

ReyesToy

Thanks ladies. I'm not as upset. Takes a lot to get me mad. What I am is disappointed. All my BMs are sisters/ sisters-in-law except her. I didn't really want to use friends as BMs because I did't want to look at my pics 20 years from now and say "what ever happened to that friend?" because I know friends drift apart due to kids or jobs that force you to move, etc...it just happens. I figured that since she's been my friend of 15 years (13 of which have been long distance) that she'd be there for me always...but I guess not.  

I've accepted that she can't be there. There will be 141 other guests that really want to be there for us.

On a brighter note, I'm super excited to marry my FI! I'm so happy with him. Thanks again for the comments!

Kristin4911

I get it. It seems like weddings actually show you who values what and that people's priorities are really nothing like you think they should be. (Granted, I know NO ONE is as excited about your wedding as YOU are, but if they agree to participate, they can at least pretend).

One of my BM (best friend for 13 years)- her ONLY responsibility was to buy her shoes and have them dyed. I paid for everything else (dress, hair, make up, etc). The wedding is less than 4 weeks out, and she still hasn't done it. We were suppose to go last night, I hadn't heard from her so I text her during the afternoon and said, "Just making sure you're still wanting to go tonight!", and she said, "Yeah, but hopefully the shoes are on sale!" which immediately red-flagged me that she didn't have the money. She's known this was her ONE thing to buy since January. She goes out all the time, has gotten about a dozen more tattoos, is single with no kids and TWO jobs, and still can't find the $40 to save to get a pair of shoes. I'm irrate, and have about had it. I kind of think that she feels if she just keeps waiting, I'll eventually break down and buy those for her, too. And that's not going to happen.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to use your thread to post my own frustrations, but I desperately needed to vent. I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

annanoel21

All I can say is I'm glad it's just A BM. My MOH is doing it to me. She has got to where she won't answer me calls/texts. I have been trying to figure out where the dresses are and if they are on schedule. I call DB and they can find 2 of my girls but can't find her.

So I text her and said look, I understand you've got somethings going on in your life.... trying to find out about the dresses to make sure they are on schedule ....

Well about 5 hrs later she decides to reply being super pissy. "I already told you the dresses have been taken Care of! Lisa her roommate ordered it. It got shipped to the wrong address blah blah blah"

Well I called DB back and there is still no record or her or Lisa ordering the dress. I've texted her trying to get with her several days this week with no reply. I'm ready to bump her.



n Response to Re:1 month from the wedding and a BM has decided to drop out ::[QUOTE]I got a long EMAIL on Tuesday from her saying she can't afford plane fare, rental car, and hotel night stay on top of her BM dress. So not only will she not be my BM, she's not coming to the wedding at all. What bothers me is that she has a fulltime job, is single, no kids, and has been able to party in Vegas and go clubbing in LA all summer. Side story on the BM dress: I'm paying 150 towards all their dresses and gave them frequent reminders to order between March and June, but since she ordered hers super late, she had to pay double rush fees and overnight shipping to get it on time. Within 30 mins of her email, I looked up plane fares and found that she can carpool with my sister. I offered to pay for her plane fare and 2night stay at the resort. She hasn't returned any of my calls or emails. The only thing I get back from her are 2 texts sayingnbsp; "Sorry I'm adding stress to your life!" and "Yes, I've read your email. Don't worry :"DON'T WORRY smiley face?? Does that mean yes or no? At this point, I'm so disappointed that she can't even take 5 minutes of her time to call me. I don't care anymore if she's a bridesmaid or not. A good friend shouldn't leave you hanging. Any advice is welcome! Thanks for reading. Posted by ReyesToy[/QUOTE]

pengy16

Sorry this is happening so close to the wedding. I have an issue with a bm as well. Heard nothing from her for 3 months so I figured she decided to not come, but I still sent her an invite and thats when she asks for dress info again and said sorry for being mia. Well a month later she has fallen off the face of the earth again. I told her a month ago moh was planning the prewedding parties but she ignored it. Well now moh is trying to get a hold of her to confirm a day for the bachelorette party and she hasn't responded, moh even has me contact her and I haven't heard from her either. I know she doesn't have to go but she could at least say she can't make it. Moh just wants to include everyone and make sure the day works for everyone. At this point I don't have any idea if this bm is even going to show for the wedding, especially since she hasn't ordered her dress yet.

NRod70

Wow!  I'm reading all these posts and feel for all of you!!  My complaints are nothing in comparison!  My sister (MOH) was being a real poo-head about everything, like it is such a big hassle to be in the wedding.  The biggest complaint was money....I bought her dress and am paying for hair and makeup.  Her only responsibility is shoes and strapless bra.  She lives 2 towns over (20 minutes away) so travel expenses are not an issue.  Then all of a sudden yesterday,  something snapped and she's in ''wedding mode''.

I hope everything turns out well for you all.  I always thought it was an honor to be asked to be in someone's wedding...what ever happened to that??!!  lol

mrskristinyc

That sucks

I don't feel like we should be using "is single with no kids" as a reason for why someone should be able to afford to be in our weddings. It doesn't necessarily mean someone has less expenses - single people may not be splitting rent/bills/meals with someone else, and they could just as easily have a lot of student loans or other debt. I know our weddings are a priority to us, and at the top of our brains, but telling someone a year in advance that they have to save up money for YOUR wedding doesn't mean that they HAVE to make it a priority. You don't know that your friend doesn't have six other weddings she's trying to budget for. And if she chooses to spend her money on other travel/going out - that's her choice. It's her money. But granted, if she didn't want to spend her money on your wedding, she shouldn't have accepted a BM position.

(Sorry if this comes across as rude - I'm just trying to point out how things might look from the BM's perspective...)

ericaandtom2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_1-month-from-the-wedding-and-a-bm-has-decided-to-drop-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:5e219eee-78f4-4fe6-854b-ffb5de305b1aPost:6f3d3c43-4c31-4e1d-ab0f-adf2d8160ada">Re: 1 month from the wedding and a BM has decided to drop out :(</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks :( I don't feel like we should be using "is single with no kids" as a reason for why someone should be able to afford to be in our weddings. It doesn't necessarily mean someone has less expenses - single people may not be splitting rent/bills/meals with someone else, and they could just as easily have a lot of student loans or other debt. I know our weddings are a priority to us, and at the top of our brains, but telling someone a year in advance that they have to save up money for YOUR wedding doesn't mean that they HAVE to make it a priority. You don't know that your friend doesn't have six other weddings she's trying to budget for. And if she chooses to spend her money on other travel/going out - that's her choice. It's her money. But granted, if she didn't want to spend her money on your wedding, she shouldn't have accepted a BM position. (Sorry if this comes across as rude - I'm just trying to point out how things might look from the BM's perspective...)
Posted by mrskristinyc[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Pretend I said this too.  I have plenty of friends that are struggling (mostly due to student loans), even though they are single and have full time jobs.  </div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry your friend isn't going to be able to make it to your wedding. 

</div>

mmmendi

I'm glad you can recognize disappointment, and just move forward. I only have one of my sisters standing with me, it's been a breeze (except for hysterical shoe drama!). I am sure that though I wouldn't show it - I would be hurt and devastated if she couldn't afford it, or even if the rest of my friends/family could not be with me! I'm sorry you have to face this one