ready to cancel my bachelorette party

aro1589

Sorry if this gets long...I'm so upset right now.

I live in Pittsburgh but I am originally from NE Ohio (wedding is there)....90 miles away.  One BM lives here, 4 are back home in Ohio, and 1 is in Chicago.

My sister from back home asked if I wanted to have my bachelorette party back home or in Pittsburgh.  I said Pittsburgh because it's like 4543 times more fun than the small farm town I'm from.  I figured I make SO SOOO many trips home to work on wedding stuff, my girls could come to me for one night so I didn't have to make the drive.

Well, guess not.  My sister in Chicago obviously couldn't come.  I 100% understand.  but my MOH and my aunt (who is a BM) aren't coming either.  They live back home (90 miles).  So, that's half my bridesmaids who can't come.  My local Pittsburgh bridesmaid doesn't want to stay in the hotel.  So, that leaves only 4 people staying in the hotel (sister, other bm, me, and my sisters friend who I'm close to).  Split 3 ways (I wouldn't be paying) the hotel is going to be too expensive for my sister (who planned the whole party and is the only one who is acting like she gives a sh/t). 

I am so beyond fed up with my bridesmaids.  they have whined and complained about everything from the dress (super affordable) to having to have their shoes dyed to match (REALLY?!) and all they do is remind me how expensive it is for them.  I get it - being in a wedding is expensive.  you know what's more expensive?!  HAVING A WEDDING.

I work 3 days a week in a bakery for min. wage.  They all have full time jobs and make far more than me.  FI and I saved for years for this wedding and are literally spending everything we have on it.  So, I don't really have any sympathy for them.  if they couldn't afford it, they should have said 'no when I asked (or never have just PUT THEMSELVES IN THE WEDDING which is what my pittsburgh BM did.  she just assumed she was in the wedding and eventually it went on so long w/o me saying anything, she just was in the wedding)

I'm ready to just cancel the stupid b-party.  It's not really going to be much of a party if 1/2 of BMs (including the MOH) can't come and if we have to come back to my shitty little 1 bedroom apartment (where my FI will be) and sleep on the floor.  I'll pass.

UGH SO MAD.  End of pity party though.  it is what it is. 

NRod70

Sorry

We all seem to be having issues right now! Mine is with my sisters and my mother.  I just can't wait for this wedding to be over!!! I didn't have problems or stress until the past couple weeks, I don't know what it is.

*sigh*.  deep breaths...deep breaths.  lol

pockysquirrel

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. And I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm actually not having a bachelorette party at all for pretty much the same reason. I have 6 BMs in a total of 6 different cities, only one of which is the city where I live. Factor in other close friends and female family members who I would want to be there, and it gets even crazier. My MOH wanted to throw me one, but the logistics of where to have it and getting everyone to travel just got way too ridiculous and I ended up calling it off. Disappointing? Sure, a little. But overall, I'm pretty okay with it because I would rather just not have one than deal with all the stress and drama.

I think you hit the nail on the head at the end of your post when you said it is what it is. That's the attitude you need to have, because so much of a wedding is dealing with other people, and dealing with other people is like herding cats - they rarely ever do quite what you want them to. Maybe as a compromise, you could get together right before the wedding when everyone's in town? Perhaps not a full-fledged b-party, but a chance to unwind and have some girl time before the big day.

CarolineandDean

Just curious, but did you ask for their budgets before choosing dresses and shoes?  Maybe because they feel as though they've overspent on other things, they aren't able to spend anymore for a bach. party.   

No offense, but your post comes off as a little bratty.  It is expensive to be in a wedding, and you really can't expect people to spend additional money, when they've already fulfilled their financial obligations as bridesmaids.

bkhokie27

It's perfectly in your right to not have a bachelorette party.  Go out for dinner/drinks or something with the BM that are near you and WANT to celebrate with you.  No need to drag along the Debbie Downers!

aro1589

I know my post came off as bratty.  I've bent over backwards for these girls in the past, even lending one of them $650 which took her almost two years to pay me back.

anyway - my sister planned the b-party and I had nothing to do with it.  So, it wasn't like I was asking them to spend the additional money, my sister was.  I understand that money is tight for everyone but like I said, I'm pretty sure they knew my sister was planning the shower and b-party when they agreed to be BMs - and knew they would be expected to help pay.  my sister asked each girl for $40 for the shower which she did 100% on her own and only my other sister and one BM gave it to her.

MOH also ordered her dress past the deadline and we're not sure she will get it in time. 

just irritated.  so, sorry if I'm coming off as a spoiled brat.  I just need to vent.

mmmendi

Sometimes, this is the safest place to vent. Getting it out here (even is it comes across bratty), gives you distance before dealing or moving on IRL. And ... If you didn't know how it came across, it gave you a chance to breathe before acting on it elsewhere! Feelings aren't wrong, only how we choose to deal with. In my case, it's saved me from certain embarrassment. I bet even a small party will still be fun. I'm sorry everyone is spread out and not able to make it!

fishinflagrl

Yea...I am about done with my bachelorette party too. It is all just so expensive.

Fortunately, my girls all live around me...I hate that your girls cant be there for you. I know I would be super hurt and frustrated too. I hope things start looking up.

Maybe chip in on the hotel. I know I am going to cover the majority of the limo we are taking down to the clubs.

BrittneyRN

I definitely think you need to take a step back and breathe. First, when you go home for wedding stuff, you aren't going home for them, so when you say that they should come to you for once, it doesn't really make sense. Second, are you paying for them to dye their shoes? That's probably an added expense they didn't count on, and if you're requiring certain shoes, you pay for them. Also, 90 minutes is kind of a long way to travel for some people. If you decided to have your b-party out of town, you should have firugred a lot of people couldn't make it. And just because someone has a full time job, doesn't mean they can afford to spend a ton of money. Also, just because they're bridesmaids doesn't mean they're required to pitch in or pay for the pre-wedding parties. Anyway, if you want to cancel your b-party, go ahead, especially if it'll be so much stres.

LDubHawksFan

I'm sorry, but I'm going to agree with Brittney.  You need to step back and get away from the idea that your BMs need to do anything and everything wedding related.  90 mins is a far away for some, and just because you make the trip often doesn't mean they should have to.  Honestly, all of my BMs live in IA and I live in CA.  Guess where I had my bachelorette party...Iowa.  I flew cross country to be with my BMs because I knew they wouldn't be able to and are already going above and beyond to be with me on my day. 
I understand that it is tough for your sister, but did she ask if they wanted to host the shower with her?  It doesn't sound like it, so I would be pissed if I was asked to just fork out $40.  Bachelorette parties can be expensive.  It's too bad that your BM planning it picked an expensive hotel.  You should have asked if your BMs would be will to come to the city, and made your choice that way.  You can cancel the party, but I think you need to definitely step back and remember what these girls are doing for you too.

Alisha9544

I'm so sorry.  I totally get where you're coming from.  I really hope they all get their heads out of the butts for you.  I was having a similar issues with my bridesmaids regarding my bachlorette party.  I ended up breaking down on my sister (BM) and said if they couldn't figure it out without complaining to me about eachother & stressing me more then  to just forget it.  I don't need a bachlorette party, you guys said you wanted to through me one.  But if you do want to then this is what we're doing.  I know it sounds mean & bridezilla-ish but I was beyond fed up.  From MoH telling me my sisters were b*tches, my sisters telling me MoH won't talk to them, the other BM saying she's staying out of it cause the other 3 have turned it into what they want instead of things being about me, to the 5 different plans on what we should do.  I just layed it out, do this or don't.  We did end up going, it was fun. But I could tell not much effort was put into it.  I had told them when they first said they were going to plan a party all i want is my Bachlorette sash, yes thats petty but I didn't think a huge request.  Well no one knew I was the Bachlorette anywhere we went, I'll say that.