wwyd?

ivedonethisb4

So my mom offered to cook the food for the rehearsal dinner...last night I emailed her a list..with a note attatched saying....
Also...made a list of people for the rehearsal/dinner. Let me know if you see any changes that need to be made. I only did Wedding party/their spouses and kids, parents, grandparents and Troy and Sharon and the DJ Lance who will be there to run through at the rehearsal and his wife.
That totals to 40 people wow thats alot
Side note: Troy and Sharon are the pastor and his wife.
This is the reply I got...
Krystle, this is only suppose to be actual people that are going to be in the wedding, not spouses and children. That is why the list is so long.
......I emailed her back saying that you are supposed to invite the families to the dinner. That its rude not to. I also mentioned that I was SUPPOSED to invite all oot guests and didnt. She offered to do it and I guess she was thinking 20 people. She doesn't HAVE to do it. We can order pizza or something. I don't really know how to handle this..its the first time she's said anything like that that is totally rude. I'm not sure how they did it when she got married.

achiduck

I think you handled it well. We didn't invite grandparents and our list still comes to 37 people with just immediate family, WP and spouses, readers and the DOC and her huband as well as the guy from the string quartet who will be at the rehearsal as well.

LDubHawksFan

Well, I think you guys should have talked about the numbers when she offered.  I can see her point because preparing food for 40 is no easy task.  Rehearsal dinners can vary from just WP & SO and parents, all the way up to all OOT guests.  Note, I do agree with inviting the officiant to the RD.  It just depends on what you, and just as importantly, what the host wants.  Maybe you could compromise with her making a bunch of sides for 40 people (like 2 or 3 types of salads), and ordering bbq or pizza for the entrees?

ETA: We are probably having 40-50 people too.  Luckily FMIL was prepared for this because FI is the last son married off. 

brainybrunette

Our rehearsal dinner will have about 40 people too.  We are only inviting people involved with the wedding.  

FI and I

parents

grandparents

Bridesmaids (plus their significant other if they have one)

Groomsmen (plus significant other if they have one)

Officiant (doesn't have a significant other, if she did we'd invite that person too)

People doing readings in the ceremony (plus their significant others)

For the kids we have in the wedding, their parents are invited (they have to bring them to the rehearsal, so it's rude not to invite them to the dinner)

OOT guests (I think we only have about 6 OOT guests that will be in town for the rehearsal)

You cannot invite people without their spouses, that would be very rude!

I would talk to your mom and tell her that she doesn't have to cook but the people on your list must be invited.  You can do something as simple as pizza.

ivedonethisb4

We had already planned on having lasagna. When she makes a pan it will feed 20 people. Then salad rolls and dessert. So she just needs to double the recipe. I was going to help with it anyway and she knows that. Were having bbq at the reception.

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_wwyd-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:621e3781-eb25-4fa9-9eec-7f2ffd64c3c7Post:34863bd4-05b9-41d0-a373-e4dc721cf80f">Re:wwyd?</a>:
[QUOTE]We had already planned on having lasagna. When she makes a pan it will feed 20 people. Then salad rolls and dessert. So she just needs to double the recipe. I was going to help with it anyway and she knows that. Were having bbq at the reception.
Posted by krystlelynn212[/QUOTE]

This doesn't sound too taxing then.  I would still ask her if she feels comfortable hosting because maybe some of her shock was the cost.  Doubling cost could be tough, but maybe you could help with the cost of it too....

lehc723

FI was in a wedding and I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. It wasn't OOT so I got over it, but it was rude. Your party's guests would be offended.

ETA: I get that I'm on your side, in case I come across as argumentative, ha. Best of luck with FMIL about it!

mrshall1027

We are hosting our rehearsal dinner ourselves at our home.   We will have about 40-50 people depending on how many out of town guests there will be.  A lot of our OOT guests will either be hanging out at the house or will be staying wth us, so it's impossible for us not to invite them.  We also plan on doing lasagna because it's something you can make ahead of time and just put in the oven for an hour before it needs to be served.

I would definitely ask her if she is still ok with hosting it and making the food.  She may not want to have that many people or the cost may be too much with double the guest count.  Just talk to her and see if y'all can come up with a good solution.

fishinflagrl

I would just let her know it might be easier if you have something catered or order pizza. Tell her you don't want to put more stress on her before the wedding day. It is hard not to invite that many to the rehearsal, it adds up quick.