how to fix handling it wrong

cbear215

our std's went out recently and at a get together last night, a family friend of FI's made a comment that her 3 year old son was getting ready for our wedding. we aren't planning on inviting young children and her std was addressed to her and her husband. we were both totally taken aback and didn't correct her at the time (which i realize we should have). should i say anything now? or have FMIL quietly spread the word we aren't inviting young children? or should i just wait and deal with it when our invites go out?

CFM102012

I would correct her as soon as possible.  The longer you wait to let her know the longer she assumes that Jr will be invited which could mean hurt feelings down the road.  Maybe she can arrange for one of the grandparents to watch him that weekend and get him excited for that.  Hope it turns out well.

ivedonethisb4

Wow I'd go ahead and tell her..like PP said the longer you wait the more hurt they may be. I've never heard of a wedding where you invite parents and not their young children. I mean I see reasons for doing that...little kids cry and talk out etc. But I guess where I'm from it just doesn't work that way. Children are part of the family anything the family does the kids do or the family stays home basically. I guess that's small town USA for ya :

RockstarWifey0912

'family FRIEND and I can understand not having the kids come.  Truthfully, there will be a TON of kids at my wedding- mostly because all the people who would watch them will also be there, so I trust that people can keep their children quiet.

I would definitely correct her as soon as possible, diplomatically.  Tell her, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but FI and I have decided to not have children at our wedding."

BMBrinson

We aren't inviting children either...evening wedding in a museum, with an open bar. I would correct her ASAP. Apoligize if she gets upset, and I would also start spreading the word so you don't end up here again. If I invited all the children in my family, it would be all kids and hardly any adults. Maybe hint that it could be a great excuse to have a night with the hubby, get a hotel and have some alone time! 

shoebie

correct her, or tell her to check out your wedding website she will see the note nmo kids hopefully

pzavecz

Yeah, I agree with PP's.  Tell her ASAP so she doesn't get her hopes up too much and start buying an outfit for him and making arrangements for him to come to your wedding.  I think it's so rude that people think their kids are welcome everywhere they go, especially when it is addressed specifically only to the parents..  Not everyone thinks it's appropriate for kids to attend a wedding and you are perfectly within your rights to not invite children.  If this person tries to give you a guilt trip about it and threatens to not come if they can't bring their kid, stick to your guns and let them know you understand if they won't be able to make it and that you'll miss them.  Don't give in.  Hopefully it works out! 

lenergyrlah

I'm having kids at my wedding but there's nothing wrong with having an adult wedding.  I would just let her know it's a grownup event and you'll have to see her son another time.  I think most people would understand, but if she gets upset it's her problem.

I'm assuming this wedding is NO KIDS; if you're inviting some children (say, family members) then I would just suck it up and let her son come to avoid hurt feelings.

cbear215

Thanks for the advice and the support ladies!  I talked to her today and she was super nice about it and very understanding!!  And now I know after all the stress it caused me this weekend to have a response ready if it comes up again...