Suggestions?

rockin2thebeats

Okay, I know I post on here about anything stressing and 1st THANK YOU to everyone that has read and responded, 2nd YOU ALL ARE AWESOME!

I'm about ready to bang my head on the desk!! My FI's mother and I don't really get along. Since we have gotten engaged she has ignored our wedding and us pretty much to focus on her daughter getting married. Well her daughter is married and it's time to move on. So FI and I were wondering what to do about our Rehearsal dinner when we asked friends and family. FMIL family immediately inform us that FMIL has planned one and that we need to talk to her. I talk to her (even though I'm pretty sure all the boards said she should have talked to us way before now!!) and being as polite as I can be, I ask her what she was thinking of having, who she was inviting, etc. FI and I really want a small rehearsal dinner with the important ppl (our wedding party, the parents, the grandparents) and would like to help. I told her we didn't want anything too fussy, just laid back and relaxed and we'd really like to keep the rehearsal dinner in the same city as the rehearsal (at least 3 of our wedding party already have to travel over an HOUR to get here, we were just trying to keep it simple). Well I get a message from her ORDERING us to have it at her house with her food (she's in another city) and that was that. Her exact words were "this is MY event to plan and NOT for you to think about". RUGHGHGHHGG!!

Oh it gets better. FI comes home shortly after that and is PISSED. His family had called him to inform him that they are angry at me for demanding that his poor mother buy an expensive dinner for everyone and to cancel the bridal shower they had planned. FI tells me this and then goes over to him parents house where a 3 hour screaming match goes one because she was spreading MORE lies about us. She literally told his grandma that I wanted her to invite 80 some odd people (that's most of our wedding) and that I wanted to have lobster (which, fyi I hate). UGh.

So I told her (as calmly as I could) that we will plan our rehearsal dinner and we'll see her at the wedding.  That was a few weeks ago.

Now we're down to the crunch, we literally have just a few weeks and I don't know what to tell my people. We are thinking of making a simple meal at the rehearsal site, possibly having a local mexican or chinese restaurant cater but probably making something we all know they love (like our Deer and regular chili). But I'm still mad/hurt/sad about what his mom said and he's still pretty pissed. However, it's a tough spot. If we don't have her at the rehearsal she'll cause more hell and if we do have her there but we don't go to her house and have her meal then she'll cause hell. Rock & hard spot.

So I'm once again asking for advice/suggestions/help. I have no idea what to do or how to handle this.

xxjen015

I think you probably have a couple of options. 

1) How far away is where she lives from where the run through of the ceremony will be? Was she wanting to serve food you guys do not like or anything like that, or was the main issue that it's at her house? You might have to decide that this battle isn't worth it and just suck it up and let her do it. If you go with this option, before you discuss it with her any further, get your guest list together so you can show her "Look, this is how many people I want to invite. I really want to keep it small with BP and family"

2) If you and FI are prepared to foot the bill of the rehearsal dinner, then you and FI (together!) calmy explain to her that you appreciate her willingness to throw the dinner at her house, and while it's very generous of her to offer, you were hoping more for "insert what you plan to do instead here". 

I would make sure not to be accusatory about anything, and try and let the negative stuff go. I know it's easier said than done, but try! She's going to be a part of your life forever...try not to start it out on a bad note! Good luck!