Need to get this off my chest - wedding guest - or not guest...

jessiflower

So a little back story here:  One of my good friends, P, was at our superbowl party two years ago and met J...by the time we had an engagement party last April (2011), they had become an item.  So cool...two of our friends, who met through us dating!  No....they don't mesh well together at all...she is misserable and has been for a year and a half now.  He lies to her, has a temper apparently...she cries almost every time I see her that she is misserable and he doesn't like her son...I tell her...THEN LEAVE HIM!  I'm friends with J and always will be....he has never done anything to me....and even though she has been unhappy and continues to tell me the same type stories every time were together...she's my friend too....hard to be in the middle.  She keeps telling everyone that she has tried to make him leave and he wont.  The next day, things are great and the day after, misserable again.....

So J doesn't have a FB account......P does.  She trashes him regurlarly on FB.  FI had enough yesterday when she trashed him again...and posted under the other 18 comments of her friends telling her to make some real decisions and get out.  He posts....this.......
"it just as messed up for you to be trashing him on fb..."
This started this whole thing.  All the sudden all those friends who want her to leave him too are sticking up for their messed up relationship and coming down on FI for having an opinion.  I end up posting under FI name.....the following:
" I understand where you are all coming from, but he is a mutual friend and its just not cool to say these things about him...we are friends with him too...I'm am being your friend by making you aware"

She unfriended me.....resigned from the words with friends we were playing....

WOW...WHAT JUST HAPPENED????

Of course the invitations just went in the mail yesterday. I'm just dumbfounded here. She complains about him for a year and a half and he treats her special needs son badly in her opinion and she just cuts us out of her life just like that.......She said we hurt her feelings.....well her feelings are always hurt.  Since they have gotten together is the same amount of time we have been planning this wedding...we haven't talked about the wedding at all in this time....only about how unhappy she is and she doesnt know what to do. So I voice my opinion and get unfriended over it......

I don't know what to do......about a month ago we met with the venue to lay out design and she expressed interest in helping set up and tear down...couldn't believe it!  (they weren't fighting that day) and so she came to the meeting and was there and making plans with my MOH about decor........

I would appreciate some feedback if you made it all the way through that long post..... what now?  I sent the invitation (one invitation with both their names on it) FI said I should have sent them individually even if to the same house....but I wasn't addressing them and didn't catch it....was going to but didn't.........what now?

LDubHawksFan

Take some time and maybe things will blow over.  I don't understand volatile relationships either, but some people don't want help.  It's some how easier to be miserable, but have someone, than to be pushed out into the world to be independent.  That sounds like your friend.  The whole, unfriending you thing is petty in my opinion. 

For the invite, wait and see if anything changed with their relationship.  If they break up would you still invite her?  (Think about it in a way that things didn't just blow up, but if things ended with them prior to invites going out).  If they don't break up, don't say a word about it again.  You've done what you can.  And if things smooth over, and it goes back to bashing her BF, just change the subject.  If they do break up, then you need to decide whether she is a good enough friend to invite, knowing there could be tension between them at your wedding.

But seriously, don't do anything right now.  It sounds like a juvenile response and just give it time to blow over.

ericaandtom2012

First piece of advice: keep sh*t off facebook.  All it does is cause problems.  You should have been having these conversations in private with your friend and ignoring her facebook posts.

As for the situation, if you want to remain friends with her, call her and apologize (maybe give her a day to cool down).  Offer her help to get out of her crappy relationship (a place to crash for a while or someone to go to); your friend needs support.   If you don't want to remain friends with her, there's not much you can do except wait for her to RSVP no.  You can't rescind her invitation without looking bad (and probably getting trashed on facebook as well). 

For the invitation, you were correct in sending them an invitation together, since they are a couple, living in the same house. 

[Deleted User]

I had a friend who was in a relationship like that and I had to end our friendship, he treated her crappy but she was afraid to be alone so she took it and it didn't matter what I said. She has support but she is not taking it. I would just let it go. Chances are she will not come to your wedding. Your FI might have to talk to the boyfriend OR you might need to just send him a seperate invitation or something.

jessiflower

I have knocked  myself out trying to help her...I hate seeing her like this...but STEPHDI7971...your right...it hasn't made any difference and now I'm the bad guy....thanks for the advise ladies...I think I will let it blow over and possibly send him a seperate invite...

shoebie

Invites are out just wait and see how they respond. And you did the right thing by having them addressed as one you dont send a couple who is living together separate invites

shoebie

Invites are out just wait and see how they respond. And you did the right thing by having them addressed as one you dont send a couple who is living together separate invites