Vent....family issues....

NRod70

So, my sister tells me last night that her and my other sister (my MOH) are throwing me a shower.  They were having an issue of were to hold it since money is tight for both of them and they both have 2 bedroom apartments with very small living rooms, so space is an issue at both places

They ask my SIL, since my brother has a fairly large house.  My SIL says ohhhh, I have to ask your brother. She gets back to my sister and said, he said absolutley not.  Are you freaking kidding me??!!! WTF?!  You can't have people in your house for a couple hours?  Like they are going to destroy your precious things?  Most of the people invited are family anyway!  I am really angry and hurt by this.  My sister only told me because she was so pissed off herself.  My other sister didn't want to tell me because a) she wanted the shower to be a surprise and b) she thought it was very rude of our brother as well.

Fast forward to tonight, I tell FI.  He was shocked.  We (the girls) were supposed to get ready the morning of the wedding at my brother's house and the guys at our house.  FI said, forget it now, we're not doing anything at his house...we'll book a couple suites at one of the local hotels.  I'm sorry I even asked my brother to walk me down the aisle.

Grrr.  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!!!

marisolgarcia1

Oh i am so sorry to hear this! Family!  Yeah they could be bad.  My own sister never got her Bridesmaid dress.  Said i was asking her to much. 

Some people just can't be happy for you! 

NRod70

FI is very close to his family and can't understand what the heck is wrong with mine.  LOL.  I don't know why everything has to be such an issue and so dramatic!!

nani1012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_ventfamily-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:be7cbec3-e2e8-40ba-bdc5-ebcb256a1d6ePost:de9754df-a54c-455d-8c51-a4baa5ba424d">Re: Vent....family issues....</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is very close to his family and can't understand what the heck is wrong with mine.  LOL.  I don't know why everything has to be such an issue and so dramatic!!
Posted by NRod70[/QUOTE]

It's the opposite (sorta) with FI and my families. My family is pretty close and FIs...not so much. So I can understand in the sense that I'm trying to understand a dysfunctional family...which can be difficult...

Hopefully try and ignore the stuff they do even if it hurts. FIs dad initially said he would take part in the unity ceremony near the beginning, but recently changed his mind. So FFIL and FStepMIL will not be participating (for religious reasons)...both of us just let it roll, but we were hurt since we wanted all of our parents to be involved. It will work out. Just breathe and keep in mind your marrying your best friend in a month or less :-)

RockstarWifey0912

Maybe my relationship with my own FSIL is clouding this... but unless you hear it straight from your brother, I wouldn't flip yet. Could one of your sisters talk to him directly and find out what's up? Good luck : if it helps, have them look for community centers or park pavillions. Renting for a few hours is pretty cheap!

NRod70

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_ventfamily-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:be7cbec3-e2e8-40ba-bdc5-ebcb256a1d6ePost:c384ad53-7c5d-47e3-80b4-bf9036c34b7b">Re:Vent....family issues....</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe my relationship with my own FSIL is clouding this... but unless you hear it straight from your brother, I wouldn't flip yet. Could one of your sisters talk to him directly and find out what's up? Good luck : if it helps, have them look for community centers or park pavillions. Renting for a few hours is pretty cheap!
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

<div>Yea, knowing my brother...he would have something like this.  He never has any functions at his house except for dessert on christmas evening.  He's always been weird with people 'touching' his things and is always afraid someone is going to steal from him.  He still whispers to us when he is going out of town and won't say it outside because someone walking by might hear him and rob him when they're not home.  My brother is really weird.  lol.</div><div>
</div><div>FI and I moved in with my mother last October because she was having health issues (she's 85) and i am the only sibling that doesn't have a mortgage and could move more easily.  I do not get along with her, I haven't my entire adult life (I'm 40) but my FI made me feel guilty because she's my mother...he now regrets his decision because he really sees how she is.  Anyway,  I mentioned in my first post, my brother has a large house and 2 spare bedrooms, plus a fully furnished basement...he refused to have my mother stay with them but wanted one of us to turn our lifes upside down and move in with her.  His house is next door to hers....we have a tract of land that's been in the family for over 100 years that was subdivided so he could build.  Yea, Granny left 2/3 of the land to him but he doesn't want to help anyone in the family.  Grrrrr.</div><div>
</div><div>Soooo, this is kinda-sorta the 'straw that broke the camel's back' with me.  We can even have the shower in his GIGANTIC, beautifully landscaped backyard.   Oh well.  one of my BFF's had already volunteered to throw my shower even before all this started.</div>

minionlover

I am so sorry this is happening.  Family can really suck sometimes.  From what you say, I am surprised that he is even willing to let you get ready there.  That seems more of a mess than a shower. 

ericaandtom2012

I don't see why your brother HAS to offer up his home for shower space or else he's a terrible person.  He obviously doesn't like entertaining people in his home (yes, the  yard is part of his home), and there's nothing wrong with that.  Maybe if he had offered and gone back on the offer, sure be angry about it.  Why can't the shower be held at your mothers house?

It does seem that he's being a turd about not helping out with your mother.  My mom has gone through the same thing with her sisters and runs herself ragged working full time, taking care of her own family and being the caretaker for her parents (92 and 90).  He needs to step up and help out. 

lehc723

It seems like it's obviously part of deeper rooted issues with your brother not wanting to be a part of the family, and that's frustrating. Sorry this is bringing all of that out, and hope that it's still a lovely shower.

NRod70

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_ventfamily-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:be7cbec3-e2e8-40ba-bdc5-ebcb256a1d6ePost:fc827e27-0682-4cb6-9f40-44e79ed97cd7">Re: Vent....family issues....</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see why your brother HAS to offer up his home for shower space or else he's a terrible person.  He obviously doesn't like entertaining people in his home (yes, the  yard is part of his home), and there's nothing wrong with that.  Maybe if he had offered and gone back on the offer, sure be angry about it.  Why can't the shower be held at your mothers house? It does seem that he's being a turd about not helping out with your mother.  My mom has gone through the same thing with her sisters and runs herself ragged working full time, taking care of her own family and being the caretaker for her parents (92 and 90).  He needs to step up and help out. 
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I didn't say he HAD to have the shower there.  It is just one more of many things that he doesn't want to participate in as a family.  We are talking about less than 25 women would be invited, over half are family and several are OOT and can't make it anyway.  He was always the favorite, I guess b/c he's the only boy, he was treated different than the girls, the family handing things to him and when asked for a favor, he flat out refuses.  We're not talking about a young man here....He's 55.  A man who never wanted children because he didn't want to have to take care of anyone else (words out of his own mouth).</div><div>
</div><div>And I didn't say he was wrong for saying no, I said I was hurt by him saying no.

</div>

NRod70

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_ventfamily-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:be7cbec3-e2e8-40ba-bdc5-ebcb256a1d6ePost:2de9b4d8-e447-4381-9f12-1552ab157962">Re: Vent....family issues....</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like it's obviously part of deeper rooted issues with your brother not wanting to be a part of the family, and that's frustrating. Sorry this is bringing all of that out, and hope that it's still a lovely shower.
Posted by lehc723[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It is, we've nerver been able to break through and really find out what his issues are.</div><div>
</div><div>And thanks, everything will be fine...I just needed to vent!!  </div>

NRod70

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_ventfamily-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:be7cbec3-e2e8-40ba-bdc5-ebcb256a1d6ePost:11081de8-f984-48d3-b8db-4f9265884332">Re: Vent....family issues....</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so sorry this is happening.  Family can really suck sometimes.  From what you say, I am surprised that he is even willing to let you get ready there.  That seems more of a mess than a shower. 
Posted by Cathyl7910[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I think because I had asked my SIL and she said yes before he could answer!!  We live next door to each other, I litterally would be walking across the yard...I didn't want to get ready with FI that day.  But now we're getting a hotel suite for the day of...I don't feel comfortable after this.

</div>

mmmendi

Oh NROD, I'm sorry I'm reallllly close to my family, and FI isn't at all to his. I have met his sister. He hasn't introduced me to his Mom (we are at her house, at least in her driveway, every other week. We meet his ex there to pay child support). It baffles me! I can't imagine not being close and I hate that you have had to feel this hurt. I'm really glad you have a friend that requested this honor, and can just enjoy the day there!

NRod70

Thanks Mendi.  It baffles me as well, because both my sisters and I are the opposite of my brother and our homes have always been open to anyone and everyone...that's just how we are.  Throw a party?  Sure!  Come on over!  It just saddened me at the moment.  I've let it go...now back to my happy mode and continue the last of the preperations for our happy day!!