(NWR) What would you have done?

lv2011

I just got inside from a pretty unpleasant situation. FI and I live in an apartment complex where he is the property manager. While he was at work, I heard yelling outside in the parking lot. I looked out and saw a woman in a car, with a child on her lap, and a man in the driver's seat beating the crap out of her and screaming. I grabbed my cell and yelled "Get your hands off her or I'm calling the police!". The woman looked up at me, while he was still hitting her and the child was crying, and said "You call the police". So I did. And the jerk pushed her and the kid out of the car and drove away while I was on the phone with the 911 operator. I went down and outside to the woman and child to make sure they were alright, and called FI to let him know what had happened. When all was said and done, a police report was filed, my statement taken, and the locks on her apartment changed.

I feel like I did the right thing, but FI is a little miffed at me. He thinks I put myself in "danger" and "at risk of retaliation" by getting involved. I think it's comforting that he's concerned but a major over-reaction. He keeps going on about how now this guy knows where I live, and I'm alone a good majority of the day and need to start carrying pepper spray with me wherever I go, etc. I really think he' getting worked up for nothing. On the other hand, these are his tenants. He may know from experience.

I can't bring myself to regret helping in any way. And FI acknowledges that I did the right thing, just not in the right way. But I'm wondering what should I have done differently? What would you have done?

achiduck

I probably would have done the same thing. 

cbear215

Agreed, I would have done the same thing.  How scary.  I hope the woman and her child are okay.

snuff9861

I would have done the exact same thing!

julzy

The worst thing you could have done was nothing.  You did the right thing.  I've had a similar experience in my condominum development.  I didn't give a warning though. I just stayed in my house and called 911.

schnugglebug

I would have done the same thing as welll
you are in the right

although I understand your FI's concerns...

lv2011

The little girl was 3, and she seemed unharmed except emotionally- kept worrying that her mom was going to jail. I was distracting her the best I could while her mom spoke with the officer. She kept hugging my leg

The woman has a huge bruise and cut under her left eye, and she was vomitting bloody bile when I got down to her. She refused an ambulance and treatment. By the time she was done speaking with the officer, she was upright and calm and seemed to be doing ok.

I have no idea what the situation was that lead to all that, but I hope she kicks his butt to the curb and that he stays away. Unfortunately, it was her car that he drove off in- but she has two. Hopefully, she also gets it back without trouble. I feel so bad for her and the little girl. Can't imagine how terrifying that would be to a 3yr old.

shoebie

Its never good to get involved in someone elses domistic situation. If he does not hesitate to beat his wife and child why would he hesitate to come beat you? I would have called the police but not have gotten directly involved. You are brave for doing so but I think what fi is saying is you need to think about your own personal saftey first. Chances are if this woman was getting beat that bad it was not the first time she will forgive forget and then you will be the neighbor who called the cops..... Be careful.

jenny&will2014

great job for helping!! major props! i think fiance is right that at least for a little while you should carry pepper spray or the like. If the guy would hit a woman then i would not put it past him to come after you.

lepoissonrouge

I think your FI is right to be concerned, but I also think it is unfair of him to be upset with you about getting involved. You definitely did the right thing in calling the police, but like PPs have said, it may have been best to call from inside of your apartment and not become directly involved. But really, who in that moment thinks it all through like that if they have never been in that sort of a situation? Hindsight is 20/20 and now you know if there is ever a next time.

lv2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_nwr-what-would-you-have-done?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:e9c578e9-17e6-4324-a0e8-306515843c80Post:1196b23b-0600-480d-bbf5-4decc81b5e39">Re: (NWR) What would you have done?</a>:
[QUOTE]You did the right thing in calling the cops, that's for sure. I can see where it could get troubling if he knows where you live, though. So I agree that you should definitely carry the pepper spray and maybe have some things in the apt that you could use to hit him with if he ever managed to get in. As PP's have said, he obviously didn't have an issue beating the other woman, why would he have a problem beating you? Stay safe and let us know if there are any new developments.
Posted by xxjen015[/QUOTE]

FI is the most protective man I've ever met. He makes me feel safe. And because he's so concerned for my constant safety, he's made sure that I have items available should there ever arise an occasion when he's not here. There are 3 decorative knives that could still inflict damage if necessary, a samurai sword, the pepper spray, and I have my cane (from arthritis) that's made of golf club graphite and has a large solid glass emeraldy knob on the end that would hurt like a mo-fo if hit with it. And we have 3 cats- 2 of which still have all their claws. Fi jokes that if anyone broke-in, all I'd have to do is pick up a cat and throw :)

I honestly don't think that anything will come of this. And if he should try, he'd find out to his detriment that I'm very prepared.

SyAmaya

I hate to put it like this, but imagine that was you and your child in that car. You did EXACTLY what you should've done. You would've wanted a helping hand also. I am VERY proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too. My FI would've been upset, but he wouldn't have been able to deny that he also would've gotten involved. He probably woulda kicked that dude's hairline a few inches back. So my calling the cops would've been right along my safe lines. What sucks is, you disregarded your personal safety looking out for someone else and now you have to watch your back for it. Not the way things are supposed to work out, but sadly the way of the world. Carry your pepper spray and be safe! You did a great thing today!

mmmendi

Last fall, when my son left the school bus to walk to our apartment, three boys jumped him. He was a 6th grader - two of the boys were in his grade, one older. A woman got out of her car, ran toward them screaming she was calling the police. If she stayed silent while she dialed 911, they very well could have killed my son. If you had not yelled, you undoubtedly would have had to watch continued abuse, probably escalated abuse. You not only did the right thing, I am personally grateful for women like you that are willing to take that step. That being said - DO stay alert, DO be careful. There is no predicting that man's behavior.

jonesma204

You did the right thing-

I am a licensed social worker so i know a few things about abusive relationship. If that type of abuse happens in public, you can only imagine what happens in private. Even if nothing was "resolved" this time, at least it is on record for the future.

You should be proud of yourself- so many people are afraid to do anything. No one ever says anything, so the police and CPS never get involved until it is too late.

Good for you!