Very upset. :(

Simply_Caitlin

We had our final meeting with our Priest today.  Long story short, we're getting married in a Catholic church.  Originally I was against it, I left the Catholic church for many reasons years ago and had no intention of going back.  My fiance really wanted us to and I found a church with a Priest that I love.  We have spent a year getting to know each other and I have been very open and blunt with my opinions and I have felt very respected through the whole marriage prep process.  I was thrilled having a new church and a Priest I was happy and comfortable with.  The deacon in the church I dislike.  He reminds me of a lot of the reasons I left church in general to begin with.  I don't go to mass unless it is my priest presiding.

Today at the end of our meeting, my priest tells us he will be out of town on our wedding day and he's sorry but he cannot perform the ceremony.  The Deacon will be doing it instead.  I cannot even begin to describe all reasons behind the emotions right now, but I am sick.  I feel awful and feel like the ceremony has really been essentially ruined by this.  The invitations are already printed and half of them are stuffed and ready to go in the mail.  I can't believe 2 months out from the wedding this happens.  So upset. 

mrshall1027

That really sucks.  I know what you mean about the Catholic church, and also about the Deacon.  I was married in the church for my first wedding, and I really couldn't stand the Deacon that married us.

Just take the time to be upset about it, but don't dwell because you can't change it.  Just remember that the most important thing is that you are marrying your FI and as long as that happens, you will have met your goal for that day.

achiduck

I'm so sorry this is happening. You should not have to be married by someone you don't like. Is there any way you can find a new venue or officiant? Would the church permit an outside officiant so that way you're still being married at the church but not by someone who makes you so upset?

lv2011

i'm so sorry to hear that! I've been through some battle with the Church, too, so I understand how it feels when you get a blow regarding the most important aspect of your day. Are there any other priests with whom you'd be comfortable? Perhaps try going to other churchs and attending their services will allow you to find a priest you like. You still have 2 months to get to know someone other than the deacon.

I really hope it works out for you!

BethP937

It may be possible to find another priest to perform the ceremony - you might call your priest and ask if this is an option. Are there any Catholic universities or high schools around you? Are there any religious communities? These might be places to start. Priests that work with high school and college kids are usually pretty personable.

NRod70

Oh no!!  I would be very upset as well.  I'm not catholic, but I know how you must feel.  I absolutley adore our Pastor and I did not attend church for a long time because I didn't like the two previous pastors there...and this is the church I grew up in.  I would be devistated if Pastor Tom came to us and said he couldn't officiate.  

I hope works out smoothly.

insanityofamom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_very-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:eb563898-1356-4ff8-bd55-e3e19b59e8baPost:eb9e448c-05b0-47a7-ae83-6ea78c0f1678">Very upset. :(</a>:
[QUOTE]We had our final meeting with our Priest today.  Long story short, we're getting married in a Catholic church.  Originally I was against it, I left the Catholic church for many reasons years ago and had no intention of going back.  My fiance really wanted us to and I found a church with a Priest that I love.  We have spent a year getting to know each other and I have been very open and blunt with my opinions and I have felt very respected through the whole marriage prep process.  I was thrilled having a new church and a Priest I was happy and comfortable with.  The deacon in the church I dislike.  He reminds me of a lot of the reasons I left church in general to begin with.  I don't go to mass unless it is my priest presiding. Today at the end of our meeting, my priest tells us he will be out of town on our wedding day and he's sorry but he cannot perform the ceremony.  The Deacon will be doing it instead.  I cannot even begin to describe all reasons behind the emotions right now, but I am sick.  I feel awful and feel like the ceremony has really been essentially ruined by this.  The invitations are already printed and half of them are stuffed and ready to go in the mail.  I can't believe 2 months out from the wedding this happens.  So upset.  :(
Posted by Simply_Caitlin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am so sorry this is happening to you. However, it might be a good idea to schedule a meeting with the Deacon to see if that might help smooth some of your feelings over. If that meeting doesn't help, then I would reach out again to your priest (I am assuming this priest is your parish Pastor and there are no other priests in the parish?). You could ask him to see if it would be possible for another Catholic priest to say mass at your ceremony. I don't know the regulations on that, though, so I'm sure you'd have to go through your Bishop, but your priest would be the first one to talk to.  I am Catholic, too. No, a Non-Catholic priest cannot perform a ceremony, but in certain cases they can be allowed to "co-officiate" I think. </div><div>
</div><div>Take time to be upset, and then refocus. It's too late to change or cancel anything now, and I would just try to accept that. Are you doing a Nupital mass or just the ceremony?</div><div>
</div><div>The ceremony isn't ruined. You'll still be married by the end of the ceremony. :) Keep your chin up, everything will work out!  

</div>

Simply_Caitlin

Thank you everyone for the kind words.  Yesterday was rough, I cried so much.  It's hard to put into words why it was so devastating.  I only agreed to this ceremony because of this one man and now I am angry with him.  He obviously knew before our meeting, he should have called me.  And then to wait until the very end of our last meeting, he blindsided me and that was wrong.  Based on the conversations we've had, he had to have known how hurt I would be.

But today is a new day.  The important part is still happening, I'm still going to marry my best friend and I'm still going to have a priest that I feel comfortable bringing my children around when that day comes.  But I will be calling my Priest this week to inform him how hurt I am by how everything happened.

I know the Deacon will be calling me, so he can "get to know us" which is a joke to me at this point.  I have no desire to get to know him.  He gave a sermon a few months ago that angered me to the point of almost walking out.  He does not believe I am a good Catholic and I am ok with that, because me and the big guy are cool.  I don't need his approval.

I can't change the venue and I'm not sure I should be ruffling church feathers by asking to bring in a new officiant.  My fiance's biggest best man has been informed that if this Deacon uses my wedding to preach politics (like he usually does) he will need to hold me back.