October 2012 Weddings

Nerves getting the better of me.

I had a super eventful weekend.  I did my hair and mu trial which turned out great.  I had my shower on Sunday and took yesterday off of work to take care of marriage license and 1st fitting.  All great things but came with one heck of a melt down.

Sunday was FI's side of the family shower.  FMIL controlled the guest list, and there were several people I didn't know.  They were her cousins, and I overheard several comments from them that lead me to believe they had never even met FI.  It was no big deal, but having people I didn't know at all, didn't ease my nerves being in the spotlight all afternoon.  I have really bad anxiety about that kind of thing, I've had several panic attacks in my lifetime (mostly from school) about speeches, or being put on the spot. 
I was doing fine.  The last I had heard they didn't plan on doing games, which was a huge relief on my nerves.  Suddenly, FSIL tells me that she asked FI a bunch of questions and for each answer I didn't match I had to stuff a marshmallow in my mouth, and that I better be able to fit a lot.  Having that sprung on me, sent me into full blown panic.  I quickly excused myself and ran into the bathroom, where I went into a full blown panic attack.  I was crying, the room was spinning, heart racing and unable to catch my breath.  I texted my sister to come help me.  She came flying up to the bathroom and then explained to FMIL and FSIL that I couldn't do the games because of my nerves.  I was completely embarassed that it had happened, and was terrified that they would all think I was a poor sport.  Which was not the case at all, I completely lost control of myself and I don't even know why. 
I told FI about it when I got home and he was totally understanding.  He's not much of a public speaker either.  I just hope my FILs are as understanding as he is.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen.  I'm seriously considering getting happy pills until after the wedding.  I feel more and more like a total nut-job the closer the wedding date gets.
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Re: Nerves getting the better of me.

  • I'm glad your sister was able to handle the situation! I've pretty much turned into a full-blown nut job but that seems to be related to my FSIL being a crazy selfish, childish person and she's driving me and my BM nuts as well as people trying to change the guest list at the last minute and family drama in general.

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  • Aww, I'm sorry that you had a panic attack at your shower - it's supposed to be fun, not nerve-wracking.  I'm sure your FILs will be understanding and if not, your FI has your back.

    My FMIL invited a bunch of people I don't know to the shower (more than the room holds!) and I'm trying really hard to get over it.  It's a shower for both sides of the family (since mine is so small) and I only had 15 people to invite.  She invited 13 people I don't know (she and my mom are co-hosting) AND invited 10 more people than the room holds.  Now we'll be shmushed in with people we don't know and I feel super gift-grabby, even though I had no control of the guest list.

    My mantra has become "letting it go" for all of the things that I can't control.  
  • I'm sorry to hear that. If you seriously can't control your panic attacks I would see a doctor. But if it is just nerves I wouldn't mess with taking prescription drugs. I have been on depression medication in the past and it has helped with my anxiety also. I have been considering going back on it, but I think it is too late because it takes a few weeks to really kick in. Think of it this way, it sounds like you have some really awesome in laws, that is so nice of them to throw you a bridal shower. 

    achiduck- what is it with groom's sisters going absolutely nutso. My FSIL is a complete pain!

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  • I just had my shower with FIs friends and family on Sunday. I'm so glad my mom drove 3 hours to be there with me. The only people I knew were FIs mom, sister and aunts. Other than handing me presents no one really talked to me. My mom and I pretty much sat at a table by ourselves. I can't even imagine how terrifying it would be to answer questions about my FI in front people who know him well and who I've only just met! Then to have to stuff your mouth full of marshmallows?! I probably would have choked! I'm glad you had your sister there for back up.
  • I actually turned down all offers of showers/ parties because of this exact thing. And I refuse to medicate myself aganist it. The occasions in which it might happen are thankfully rare and I prefer to keep myself away from them when I can. I'm also really terrified of all the side-effect possibilities of modern medication. I don't drink, either. I just keep myself away from events/ activities that are likely to bring attacks on. I think I'll be okay for the wedding. With FI at my side and my family there, I should be able to keep it together ;)

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but at least your sister was there to bring you back to "normal' levels. I'm sure your FI's family would understand if it needed to be explained to them.
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  • I'm sorry you went through that. I know how much panic attacks suck.

    I'm with you though. I was cool as a cucumber until about a week ago. Not that I'm a mere 5 weeks away (EEEEK!!!) I feel like I'm coming apart more and more each day. Wedding are so stressful.

    I've passed out at my last two dress fittings (the first time due to low blood sugar, the second due to anxiety about the same things happening again) so now I can't even think about my dress without getting a little panicky (NOT GOOD).

    Good luck with everything!!
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  • Stuffing marshmallows in your mouth is super dangerous. They should not have even suggested it!! Once the marshmallow sits in your mouth for a while it starts to melt and can slide down your throat. When it gets to that point there is no way to get it out because it isn't quite a solid, it just cuts off your air supply. Anxiety or not I'm glad you didn't play the game. I would have refused too.
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