October 2012 Weddings

17 days before the wedding and you are starting this now!!!!

Sorry about the long title, but I need some advise.

A little back story, I have dealt with depression for most of my life, and through trial and error I have been able to find ways to deal with it. I have my good days and I have my bad days, but i never let if affect anyone else or cause problems for anyone else, most people including my parents and FI don't even know I am having a bad day unless I tell them. Maybe it is health, maybe not but it is how I deal with my depression. On the other hand my FMIL also has issues with depression, but does not handle them very well. She and her son are very much alike so when one begins to yell about something it does not take much to get the other one going. My FMIL has been in a funk (my term for a bad day) since my FFIL got injured about three weeks ago. So with her husband getting hurt, her son getting married and work, I think it has become to much for her and she can not get out of her funk. I have thought about offering to talk to her about my experience and see if it will help, but I am not sure how she will take it. So I was wondering what everyone else would do?

Sorry Ticker is not working right, date is 10.14.2012
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Re: 17 days before the wedding and you are starting this now!!!!

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    That depends so much on her! I don't know. I am such a bull in a china shop, I barge right in most of the time ;) However, how you approach her is probably as important. Maybe you can just mention that you are really struggling with the stress of the countdown activities, and have to think that as much as she has going on - son marrying, FFIL's injury - that you just felt like it was important to let her know you are there if she wants to 'bend your ear'. That potentially opens the door to communication, and at the least lets her know you are a suportive FDIL.
    ~~Mendi~~ ...Everyone has their price; mine's chocolate Photobucket
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    I too have dealt with depression my entire adult life.  I'm not usually one to talk about (except sometimes with FI) so I would probably be angry if someone noticed it and tried to talk about it with me.  Sometimes it's hard to acknowledge the problem.  I think I do a really good job of keeping up appearances so if someone noticed, I'd probably get defensive. 

    It just depends on FMIL.  talk to FI and see what he says
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    I guess it depends on how close you two are. I have depression too and I know I sometimes bristle when people I don't know well are like, "Oh, me too, let's talk about it!" because it's something I'm very private about (er, except I'll talk about it on the Internet with people I don't know? ha)

    I guess in addition to doing that, if you think your relationship with her supports it, I'd say see if there's things you can try and include her in. I don't see it because I don't have kids and so apparently I just won't understand it until I do, but your kids getting married, no matter how old they are and how long they've been out on their own, is hard and feels like you're losing them. So maybe if she feels like she's not then that'd help?

    Best of luck. She's lucky to have you as a daughter-in-law.
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    I now know that she is trying to get help, professional, since his family sister and father have pretty much told her she needs it so I hope that this is the end of this funk. I think I am going to extend the offer to talk omce the wedding is over and she is feeling better.
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    edited September 2012
    I suffered for depression for many years... over 20... (since I was like 13) and for years I even talking/ Meds etc, nothing helped... even my parents having me put away as a teenager in a mental institution to try and CLEAR my HEAD and help me (if anything that made it worse)....

    I finally broke free of my depression (for the most part) about 4 years ago after I saw "the secret" bascially came to understand that I AM Responsible for my own Happiness and only I can make that happen... I can't depend on others etc... I make decisions on HOW I am going to let things affect me (YEs I did have the breakdown about my BM this morning) STress gets to all of us on diffrent levels... but I got over it...

    I started about 4 years aog as well carrying around just a simple stone I found (actually my son had given to me) and every time I touched it I thought of something I was grateful for... slowly changing my thinking patterns... then I started writing a gratitude journal... every night I would write down 5 things I was grateful for in my life... and slowly but surely my thinking patterns started to change... after all a positive thought is 100 X more powerful then a negative one...

    I decided I needed to be the change I saw in the world and HECK it worked...

    I don't really have any advice for your FMIL... but perhaps try to talk to her about the things she is GRATEFUL for... rather than focussing on the problem, focus on the solution?

    just an idea...

    ok WOW that was a long post SORRY :P
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    I am th same way, it took me years to be able to talk about. I fine joy in simple thing, like driving without shoes or thinking of something positive, I just hope that I can help is some small little way.
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