QOTD 3/5

minionlover

Sorry so late today ladies.  I had a meeting this morning that lasted alot longer than I thought it would.

So since someone brought up their experience with their "couples conference", who is doing pre-marital counseling?  Are you doing it on you own accord or because of something else, (ie religious reasons)?

musictchr25

Not us!

IMHO, no one should be required to take a class about marriage and their relationship with their FI.  Couples should bring up topics covered in those seminars on their own and when they feel ready to talk about those topics, and not be forced into talking about them. 

Plus, I think it's wrong for someone else who doesn't know you as an individual or a couple to tell you what is right and what is wrong in a relationship.  

[Deleted User]

We are meeting with our officiant acouple times before the wedding to figure out the ceremony and so he can get to know us better as a couple. I like the idea and both me and my FI wanted to do it so we could also get to know our officiant better. (I know him from my hometown, but my FI doesn't). My FI already likes him because he shares our same beliefs in a lot of ways. I don't think there is going to be any topics that would arise that me and my FI hasn't already been through or talked about. But I am still excited to do it!

brainybrunette

No formal pre-marital counseling here either.

A family friend was ordained online and is marrying us.  She sent us a list of topics for FI and I to discuss (1 topic per month).  FI and I talk about whatever topic of the month is, but it's just between us (she's not a part of the discussion).  I think it's been helpful to do it that way and even though FI and I have been together forever (almost 12 years), we still learn a few new things about each other by having these discussions.  I like that we can take these topics in any direction that FI and I chose.  

DanaOcNy

I don't believe we are doing anything.  My uncle (Baptist) is performing our ceremony, we were raised catholic but are not religious.  He has not mentioned him wanting us to do anything as of yet.  I believe the couple should discuss things together, not with an unknown outside party. 

mana8503

We will be meeting with our officiant 5-6 times before the wedding.  I don't mind it, he's a great guy that has been married for many many years.  He gave us a book but we haven't started reading it.  FI is kind of excited to start. 

aimee58

We're getting married Catholic so we had a few things to do.

First we had to take a FOCCUS survey/test. It was a bunch of topics and we just had to say agree, disagree, or unsure. (Most were like "My partner and I have discussed how many children we plan to have). Then we had go over our results with another couple from our church. We got to explain why we didn't agree on everything.

We also had an engaged couple day at church, like was mentioned earlier. other than the horrendous NFP people, it was a bunch of stuff on communication and finances and conflict management, etc.

I kind of like the idea of all of this discussion before the wedding. Some of it was things I never thought about or things that I assumed we agreed on. It's opened up some good discussion for us.

achiduck

We are. It's a requirement to get married at my church. It's 3 one hour one-on-one sessions with the pastor. Apparently we talk about kids/family in one of them, communication and fighting fair in another and intamcy/review the 5 love languages in the last. Shouldn't be too bad. Our pastor is female and in her early 30s so she's really easy to relate with. Since she has a young son and her husband works afternoons we do the sessions at her house so it's fairly casual.

ivedonethisb4

None that I know of....we haven't asked our officiant yet so I don't know what he may want...

snuff9861

We're getting married in a Catholic church so we have to. We have our first meeting with the priest tomorrow evening and I'm worried since we're both pretty lapsed Catholics. Maybe I will be able to add to the terrible experience post after tomorrow night as well :S

mpjf1001

We are getting married Catholic, so it was a requirement to do pre-cana as well as meet with our priest a couple of times. But its not horrible, he doesnt tell us how to live our lives, just talks to us about communication, why we want to get married in a catholic church, what it means to us, etc....we did have to take a test, but like a pp said, it was more of an agree/disagree kinda thing, and then we discussed our answers, it opened up various topics of communication. I do see it being valuable for couples who arent together long and dont know anything about eachother. FI and I have been together for 6 years, so i feel we know everything....but i did see in precana some heated discussions going on, bc some people just dont talk about $, kids, etc....big mistake!

aimee58

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_qotd-35?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:f7818079-6932-4fbe-9182-7e633f378803Post:cc57dc50-8ebe-44a2-9534-128b630e8692">Re: QOTD 3/5</a>:
[QUOTE]We're getting married in a Catholic church so we have to. We have our first meeting with the priest tomorrow evening and I'm worried since we're both pretty lapsed Catholics. Maybe I will be able to add to the terrible experience post after tomorrow night as well :S
Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

Fi and I are both pretty lapsed too. The first meeting with our priest was just an overview of the process and some background questions about ourselves. Then he sent us to the FOCCUS couple. We actually don't need to do any direct counseling with him. He was really easy going and friendly, even though FI and I live together and use BC, which I was worried about.

scarlettc27

We definitely are.  We aren't getting married at a church, since we are doing a destination wedding.  (We are Episcopalian, but we don't make it to church very often... Er, ever.)

 

We really like the reverend at our church, though, so we asked him if we can attend sessions with him.

I think having premarital counseling will be great for us.  We discuss everything, and I think we are on the same wavelength, but I doubt we've thought of EVERYTHING that may come up over the course of a marriage.

For those who are not religious, I've heard there are some financially-focused premarital counseling courses that might be useful.

ReyesToy

Not for us either. I also feel that a couple should have great communication and be clear on many vital as well as minute issues before they even decide to get married. My fiance and I went through this book before we got engaged. We definitely had arguments over some topics, but it the end, it really brought us closer together and we felt more mature after it. This book continues to circulate among my group of friends who are in serious relationships and are thinking about getting engaged to be married.

scarlettc27

ReyesToy, what's the name of the book?

snuff9861

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_qotd-35?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:f7818079-6932-4fbe-9182-7e633f378803Post:7d4e563c-9ed7-46ba-8674-ee12bc824a9a">Re: QOTD 3/5</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: QOTD 3/5 : Fi and I are both pretty lapsed too. The first meeting with our priest was just an overview of the process and some background questions about ourselves. Then he sent us to the FOCCUS couple. We actually don't need to do any direct counseling with him. He was really easy going and friendly, even though <strong>FI and I live together and use BC, which I was worried about.</strong>
Posted by aimee58[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yea that is where I'm going to get burned too. We never go to Church and as it's his parents church, the priest knows them personally and has asked them on several occasions why we arent as Mass :S. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>ps-> love your dress! who are you wearing? (I've always wanted to ask that lol)</div>

CFM102012

We're meeting with our pastor a few times but I think its mostly to plan the ceremony and so she can get to know us better.