Two Vents... long

ninaelizabeth3

So my first vent is that my MOH's husband said she can't go to my Bridal Shower.  Here's the back story:

I was her MOH and we have been friends since 2nd grade.  She has been married alittle over a year now and since meeting her husband, has changed completely from who she used to be.  His family is very conservative (no television, he's a boyscout, and a mama's boy to the core).  She has had problems since they got married and is thinking of "the big D word."  She has tried everything to get their marriage to work (suggested couples counseling, he said no way, that if she made him go he would say horrible things about her to the therapist; christian DVD counseling from home, he wants nothing to do with any of it).  She feels, as do I, that he tricked her into marrying him, so to speak.  He was never like this before they got married.  He does nothing around the house, works an hour away and refuses to find a job closer to where they live.  They barely break even every month with the amount he spends in gas.  She is starting an amazing job in June.  She will not be able to take off any  time and will be taking classes full time as well.  He has said horrible things to her about our friends, and myself and my FI.  I try to keep the peace for her but I've had it.  They have a wedding on July 29th that she does not want to go to.  It's on his side of the family, and after what his family has said about/to her, she refuses to go.  Plus, she would need to take off the Thursday and Friday before, and that's not possible at all; she'd lose her job.  He told her she was going and she would just have to do school work and work in the car and at the hotel.  Fast forward, big argument, she's not going.  So before I knew the wedding was on the 29th, my mom booked my Bridal Shower, in town, for the 29th.  She was so excited and he is refusing to let her go.  She's been alittle flaky with what to do about their relationship, and keeps going back and forth between standing up to him and backing down.  Honestly, I know she doesn't have to be there, she is not required to be, but as my MOH and best friend I want her there.  She has already said she's not going to the wedding, so why can't she just come to my shower? 

Opinions? Advice?  Should I talk to her about it?

Vent two:

I am not inviting my coworkers.  Long story short, no one gets along since my new boss took over.  His wife is my moms best friend.  The only one's I'm inviting are my mom's friends, who happen to work here, who she has been friends with for years.  There's only 3 of them going and their spouses, and then my boss and his wife. 

Apparently, one of my co-workers found out from boss's wife that I sent out STD's.  Now they are treating me worse than before!  I mean, we don't talk during work other than to accomplish what needs to be done, so why would I invite you to our wedding?!?  I'm only 24 and the youngest person here, but I act like more of an adult than these people.  URGH! And, at over $60 a person, why would I invite people I don't get along with?  I'm already over budget with the guest list we have. 

On a happy note....
My mom and gram booked my shower and she asked me to do all the invites for her and what not, since I love DIY.  We designed them and started printing them and they're so pretty! 

achiduck

So sorry you're having so much trouble right now. Here are my thoughts:

1) It sounds like your friend's H is pretty controlling and possibly bordering on the side of emotionally/verbally abusive. I don't think you can say anything other then you care about her, you really wish she could be there and if she needs anything from you, you're only a phonecall away. If she does end up leaving him she'll need a lot of support and being mad that she can't come to your shower isn't going to help matters.

2) You're not required to invite your coworks and I would normally say that you don't have to explain your guest list choices to anyone, but if it's making your work life difficult it might be a good idea to let them know that the wife is your mom's best friend and that's the only reason he's invited. Also the "unfortunately we just don't have the budget to invite everyone we wanted to, I'm sure you understand" line is always helpful.

Good luck!

minionlover

I agree with Amy on both parts.  Other than that, I don't have much to add.

brainybrunette

Yup, I agree with PPs.

As for your friend, I would be filing for divorce ASAP.  I feel like a lot of people take divorce too lightly instead of trying to work on their marriage, but in this case I would not put up with a controlling husband AT ALL!   I agree that there's probably some emotional/verbal abuse going on and he's manipulating her not to file for divorce.  I would let your friend know that you are there for her no matter what happens.

As far as your co-workers, I don't think you have to justify your guest list to anyone, but if their making your life miserable I would quickly explain the situation to them and then not talk about your wedding at work. 

snuff9861

I agree with PPs. Your friend needs your support right now, not resentment that she can't be at your shower.

As for  coworkers, I only invited 2 of them. I dont talk to anyone else outside of work and didn't feel the need to buy them a free meal.

lenergyrlah

I agree with PPs about your friend.

If your coworkers are treating you badly at work, I would report it to HR.  You shouldn't have to tolerate poor treatment just because you're not inviting someone to your wedding.

ninaelizabeth3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_two-vents-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:fe5cd276-3fda-49fb-8e7c-752c3f04a5fePost:5ac223c9-aa0a-477f-bc75-2a3224fd1be5">Re: Two Vents... long</a>:
[QUOTE]If your coworkers are treating you badly at work, I would report it to HR.  You shouldn't have to tolerate poor treatment just because you're not inviting someone to your wedding.
Posted by lenergyrlah[/QUOTE]

Funny... They are HR haha.