Uninvited Guest(s)

SafroniaB

Even though our wedding is a long way away, I have a pretty serious concern that is probably going to fester and make me worry through the whole planning process and I could really use some counsel/chilling out. My fiancee has a crazy ex. "Yeah, yeah," you think. "Everyone has one of those. Just don't invite her and top stressing, you whiner." Oh no. This girl is unstable. She has broken into his house on more than one occasion. One of those incidents involved some, ahem, very personal items, going missing. She has been in his bank account. She has shown up at ungodly hours of the night, screaming and crying. They had been broken up for a year before we even met, and always been a little wacky (he says) but things got really bad when we started dating and have gotten even worse now that we're engaged. So my concern is probably pretty clear: what if she shows up at the wedding? I mean, of course she's not invited, but I can't imagine it would be all that hard to find out the time/date/place of the wedding through mututal friends or unsavory methods. Should I just plan for her insanity to somehow encroach on our day? How do I even plan for whatever she might do?

tyresec

I think investing in security would not be a bad idea in this case.  At the very least, give a picture to a family member willing to stand at the door and tell them to call the police if she shows up... Are there people coming to the wedding who know her?  Make sure that they do not tell her anything about when and where the wedding is and just be careful about how you inform and how many you inform about the wedding.

tidetravel

If you really think she's a threat, hire security.  You don't want your friends/family members getting in an altercation with her at your wedding.

Lyss5782

I would also be really careful to password-protect ANY info that you put on a website, etc.  She cant come if she doesnt know where/when the wedding is...

guacamolly

I agree with Tyresec, I think you could probably just tell a few family members about it (or your DOC if you're having one?) and that would probably handle it. I think hiring security might be pricey and could end up being unnecessary. If she shows up, you just call the police and let them handle it.

SouthJerseyToMD

Your wedding is a year and two months away.  If you start letting things like this stress you out now you will be a total basketcase by the time the wedding comes.  Don't let things bother you that you can't really control.  Maybe she'll move away, maybe she'll find a new boyfriend, maybe you say heck with it and have a DW.  A lot can change in a year.

fchan1

Are you getting married in a hotel? The hotel might actually be able to provide security for you.One of my friends got married at the Mandarin and she had a top shelf open bar. Right after the reception started, we heard a ruckus coming from one end of the ballroom and it turned out that the groom's uncle had definitely taken advantage of the bar and was very drunk. He actually got carried away (club-style!) away from the ballroom by security (that we didn't even know was there) almost immediately and was not allowed to return, per the bride's wishes. If you talk to your planner or event manager about this issue, they should be able to offer some sort of security option at the reception or BOL notice. It's never too early to start thinking about these things, but definitely try not to stress yourself out. Don't let crazy biatches bring you down! Good luck!

spuliafico

I am in a similar boat, except it's my fiance's ex-wife. She's a heinous itch and acts like she doesn't care but then send him text messages that are like "Why are you marrying her?" So even though we doubt she's going to show up or have any idea about really anything we've given the heads up to our DOC, and of course my fiance's grandmother who had a hex put on her (litterally). I don't think it's too soon to plan for the worst but don't let it ruin your fun either!

DEETZEL

all pp's had good advice.  in addition, by stressing about it you're letting her win, and i'm sure that's the last thing you want.  your wedding planning experience should be fun!  so try to relax and let things happen as they come.  i'm sure you will be able to work out a contingency plan when it gets closer to the big day.  don't let some crazy girl ruin your dreams of having a perfect day!

thecheshiregrins

I definitely think that you need to make a few people aware of what this girl looks like so they know to be on the look out for her. Maybe notify someone who won't mind standing guard while the ceremony is going on.

SafroniaB

Thanks to all! I didn't even think about having a hex put on her! I'm going to look into that ;)We're getting married outdoors, but at a private location, with gates, etc., so thanks to you guys I think I'm going to alter the grounds staff that will be on hand, and our DOC (if we get one; leaning toward it) and a couple of the burlier members of the wedding party/family. Security sounds like it could get pricey and be for nothing, anyway (unless things get worse with her).Just a note re: things changing in a year... she does have a new "boyfriend" (read: f*ckbuddy) and has moved away. But she is in town about once a month or so and still breaking into his house, showing up at his office to "have lunch and talk," still calling him repeatedly in the middle of the night, still breaking into his bank account on line and still telling me, him, her "boyfriend" and anyone else who will listen that she "still wants to have his babies." Mental. Maybe we need to think restraining order if this continues too much longer...Again, thanks so much, ladies. You really helped ease my mind.

Luce1025

I would highly consider obtaining a restraining order against this girl. It's not going to keep her out if she wants in but if she violates it then she can be arrested. If no one makes her accountable for her actions then she's going to keep doing. Also, if she has repeated contact with law enforcement and in court, they might see that she's unstable and recommend a mental health hold. By not pressing any charges on her for her criminal behavior, it's basically telling her that it's okay, even though it's not. If you guys pressed charges or filed a restraining order, it might send the message that you guys aren't going to put up with it. You have to set boundries, no one else will. Contact your local Sheriff's Office with questions and they can help you. Also, make sure you document all that she does (contact by phone, text, email, etc) so it can help your case.