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Advice From An Old, Married Hag

Someone posted over on thenest about advice before her wedding.  Timely, as 2 years ago today I was gettin' hitched.  So, here are my observations.  Take them, leave them or ignore them!Some things that have surprised me about married life:* I still haven't printed out any of my wedding photos.  And I'm an amateur photographer with photos all over my home!  I love my wedding photos, but they aren't the End All, Be All that I thought they would be when I was planning my wedding.  I like the things I remember best. I also don't watch the (amateur) video of our first dance.* Wedding planning really helped my husband & I work on our communication skills.  He was very involved (much to my surprise) and have *very* definite ideas of how our wedding should go.  I'm glad we had a chance to practice conflict resolution when discussing flowers & wedding colors before it was something bigger.* While I was super pissed the day of (and I admit it, a few weeks afterward) about some things that fell through the cracks, I barely remember them now.  Seriously.  This includes my dance floor vendor cancelling 5 days before the wedding.Some things I'm super glad I did before we got married:* We discussed, at length, our role in the marriage.  Who's going to clean the bathroom and cook dinner?  Who's going to pay the bills?  Who's going to take out the trash?  Setting up expectations in advance was really helpful.* Discussing, at length, financial goals and our plan to achieve them.  This included coming up with a detailed budget.  Most divorces happen because of financial issues, so it pays to get on the same page from day one.  If you need help, the Money Matters board on thenest is really good at looking at budgets.  They definitely aren't all puppy dogs & rainbows but will give you honest feedback & constructive criticism.* Stopped doing anyting wedding related a few days before.  I mean, we did the RD & rehearsal but no more tying of ribbons or projects of any sort.  Some things didn't get done by my deadline but at the end of the day, no one missed them.I can honestly say that being married is a thousand times better than being engaged.  Saying "yes" to this guy was the best thing I ever did!  Good luck to you all!

Re: Advice From An Old, Married Hag

  • edited December 2011
    Happy anniversary! :) And thank you for the advice. Especially the budget thing... not as fun as planning a menu, but a lot more important.  
  • edited December 2011
    My FI keeps saying that though he may not be looking forward to the wedding, he's looking forward to the marriage (I think it's starting to blow over, but he was just seeing it for a while as just a "party").  Thanks for all the advice, and the glimpse into the future :)  I have noticed some of those things too, ie. conflict resolution.  We have already started dividing tasks (since we started living in sin :) ), and though it took a while, I think it's starting to smooth out and just work well and in sync.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice!
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  • edited December 2011
    funny you mention that about the pix. i haven't done my album yet and it's been over a year. we have 3 wedding pix up in our house - one of us two, and one of us with his family, and one of us with mine. it's great to get a few good shots, but it's easy to get carried away and then really not have much to do with all those great photos.
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  • edited December 2011
    Great advice - thanks!
  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks! (I'm so glad I decided on the cheaper photographer!)
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice! I am also wondering if you had a videographer or CD made? I was thinking no, then yesterday I changed mymind, but now I think I will never watch it what a waste of money.
  • edited December 2011
    I still haven't put any wedding pictures up around my apartment but my family has watched the wedding video a thousand times. We had the videographer do a highlight montage with background music and its perfect because its a 10 minute clip of all the highlights. I was on the fence about getting a videographer for a while but thank goodness I did!
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  • rechancerechance member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for such wonderful advice. It will help us keep things in perspective.
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